To Make Things Right
by Iggy - Essence of Angst
Summary: [Complete.] Something mysteriously dangerous resides within Sango's mind and body. Miroku offers as much support as he can, but will it be enough to help her through this? And if it is... what will be the cost?
1. Unspoken Truths

**To Make Things Right**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

**Note: I originally had planned this title for another story in which a taijiya, that Sango had fallen in love with at her village, tracked down the Inu-tachi and Sango still loved him, so Miroku had to fight for her. However, this idea is way too used for both Sango _and_ Miroku, so I thought up something more... complicated. It does not involve making either character fight for their partner to get their partner away from their partner's previous... shall we say "lover"? Anyway, this new plot will be much more interesting than the last one. **

**Genre: Angst, Romance, Action/Adventure**

It was early evening. The firelight flickered off Sango's face, making the shadows in her eyes seem darker. Inuyasha was eating ramen, Kagome was doing some of her homework and Miroku… well… he was watching Sango. But not in a perverted way.

The taijiya had a thoughtful, slightly sad look in her eyes as she stared into the fire. She was sitting still, her head resting on her hands. I couldn't help but wonder why she seemed so sad. Sango is in general a quiet person, keeping everything inside so that she does not burden the others, but we hadn't had an encounter from Kohaku for at least two months. The demons in the forests seemed to be avoiding us lately, odd as that sounds.

"Sango," I said, and she nearly jumped as she turned to look at me. She must have been really deep in thought. "Are you alright?"

That was a stupid question. Sango is rarely okay, except for when she is angry after I have attempted to give her bottom a caress. I should have known that she would not tell me. "I'm fine, I guess," she replied. "Just thinking." Any anger or sadness was well hidden behind her features.

"You know, if there's something bothering you -" I almost stopped myself from continuing out loud, for fear she would wave me off. Sango, trust me? Why would she do that when I manage to ruin almost every romantic moment by touching her rear? But I continued, after a long moment of silence, and a slightly stunned look from her. " - you can tell me."

I shifted a bit closer to her. She did not move away, but gave me a wary look.

"Right," she said with a hint of coldness. "And if I told you everything about me, my dreams and hopes, which I'm sure you have a very good idea of anyway, you'll never grope me again, is that it?"

I threw up my hands, pretending to be hurt. "I can't help but grope a lady who looks so divine."

A slight smirk curved her lips. "You can flatter me all you want, Houshi-sama, but I'm not stupid. I know you say that to every woman we meet in every village."

I went silent, looking down at the cloth that covered my right hand. The next thing I knew, Sango had moved over, timidly placing her hand over my gloved one. The look in her eyes was one of concern, which was rare, because she never pitied me. Well… at least, I didn't think she did.

"I'm sorry Houshi-sama. I didn't mean to make you remember -" She cut herself off and looked down slightly. I was touched by her affection towards me, but I didn't let her know just how much it mattered.

"It's alright Sango. I wasn't thinking about my Kazaana - and what you said about me flattering other women - it's true." We both knew it, so there was no point in denying it.

That earned me a shy, knowing smile as she looked back up at me for a moment. "Why do you think I mentioned it?" Sango asked, a slightly sad expression coming over her features.

"Sango…" I wasn't sure what to say to something like that, but she spoke again to the floor, saving me from having to say something.

"Never mind. Forget I said anything." I stood up as she did, catching her wrist as she started to head in for the night. "Is there something wrong?" I tried not to sound too concerned, but she probably heard it in my voice. I could notlet her know just how much I love her. That would only drive her away and possibly ruin any kind of relationship that we _do_ have.

"No." She looked away from me, but I didn't ask why. I figured that if she wanted reassurance, she would come to me.

I gave her a genuine smile as we headed back to camp. There was nothing further said, but I had a feeling Sango was hiding something from me. Not that that was unusual or anything, but I wanted her to trust me.

Ha! Trust me? She would never trust me even if her life solely depended on me - wait, that wasn't true. She had saved my life more than once. At one time, when the poison from the Saimyoushou had been sucked into my bloodstream, she sat by my side, unable to hold back silent tears when she thought I was going to die. Of course, I had reassured her that I was fine by groping her as I faked death, and I received a major bashing on the side of my head for my efforts, but both of us were relieved. Still, Sango meant more to me than any other woman did, although I was still unsure why. Maybe the way she held herself up with confidence? Maybe the way she fought, or the way her whole figure shined with beauty even after an immense, sweaty battle with a youkai during midday? I wasn't sure, but maybe, just maybe, one day, I would be able to find out if she felt anything more than mere friendship with me.

**I realize this chapter is extremely short, but it is only a general setting for the story. The chapters will increase in length.**

**_First written - December 15th, 2004_**

**_First posting - January 8th, 2005_**


	2. Pleasant Memories

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.**

**Yay! I finally finished typing out chapter 2… and it's twice as long as chapter 1! **

_I pick up the knife. Even though it seems clean, there is a trail of dark liquid from where the shiny weapon lay to the body of a young girl. Her face is shadowed, but I can tell from her sprawled form that this knife has dug into her heart and maliciously twisted it. Crusted blood is matted in her dirty blond hair, and sticky trails come from her still form. Sticky trails that cover my fingers, coating them a sickening red. I relish the feel of it on my fingers… it keeps me **alive**. _

I woke up, breathing hard, a layer of sweat covering my forehead as I sat up. I turned and saw Miroku's gaze intently on me, my heart still pounding from the vividness of the dream. I was unsure if he had been awake the whole time, but as I stared back at him, my whole body still shaking, he came over and sat down beside me. I didn't see Inuyasha in the hut; he must have been outside. Kagome was in the other room with Shippou.

"Sango," he said, looking concerned, "did you dream about Kohaku again?"

Mutely I shook my head no. "It was different. To be honest, I don't know what it was about. I mean, I didn't understand it. But… it scared me, Houshi-sama. It scared me so much, and I know it is not real, but I cannot shake off this feeling that - that -"

"That what?" he encouraged me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I leaned against, gathering strength from his warmth.

"Something is going to happen. I don't know how or why, but something is coming, and I don't know if we'll be able to meet it," I finished, looking down.

He held me gently. "Sango, don't say things like that. We will get through whatever it is." He took my hands in his. I tried to prevent a blush from coming on, but that was impossible. I prayed it was too dark for Miroku to see my face.

I shook my head. "Houshi-sama… you don't know that."

"You're right. I don't," he said bluntly, effectively shocking me into silence. I hadn't expected him to agree with me! "But I am determined to try my hardest to get through whatever it is that you say is coming… and I trust you."

I blushed even more, knowing full well that he knew I didn't trust _him_. "Could you - could you hold me? Just until I fall asleep," I added quickly. "And no perverted moves, Houshi-sama."

A flash of hurt passed in his eyes as he let go of my hands. "Sorry," I said quietly. "I just… I didn't mean it to sound so…"

"It's alright," he said at last, still holding me, but the tone of his had a hint of frustration and annoyance in it. "I understand your warning, but I would not touch you like that at a time like this, Sango. You should know me better than that." His words, although spoken in no more than a very low tone, made a slight twinge of guilt build up in me.

"I'm sorry. I…" I looked away. How could I say it without revealing anything? Without telling him how much I cared? I was so afraid to allow myself to trust someone, and in doing so, I hurt those that I loved.

He put his hand over mine. "I know you did not mean that Sango," he said softly. "You know I care about you, right?"

I didn't answer, instead choosing to look away to avoid his persistent gaze.

"Do you trust me?"

I still didn't answer, a pink flush creeping onto my face.

He sighed. I think he decided not to push it tonight, although I knew this would not be the last time he asked that question. I would never let him know the answer - at least not until Naraku was destroyed. In a way, that would be the end of everything, and the beginning of something we had hoped but had only imagined.

"I know this will sound… a bit… Kami, I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like such an idiot," I babbled on, shifting further away as possible from the monk, which unfortunately only made his apparent concern for my sudden change in emotional mood increase.

"Sango, what is it?"

"I want you to… I want you to hold me. I don't… I don't like this feeling I have, it's almost like when Kagome-chan senses the jewel shards, but this is a different kind of detecting. I can't tell what it is, or when it will come, but I know it's coming," I tried to explain, daring a glance to see his face contorted with confusion. He must have thought the midnight hours were getting to me; I never talked like this. Most of the time it was Kagome that spoke like this in the case of impending danger.

After an awkward moment of silence, he drew me into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head. I would never admit it to him, but it felt… nice. And safe. Just being beside him, his shoulder brushing mine, was enough to make my heart pound and I had to concentrate twice as hard on the task at hand otherwise I would be distracted by him. Although lately my concentration in battles had been off lately, and Inuyasha yelled at me afterwards, but he had saved my life, so I knew he didn't really mean it. In the beginning of our travels, Kagome-chan used to tell me not to take anything he said to heart, and I didn't. But it was still nice to know he cared.

"I hate sounding so… so negative like this, but the dream… it really…" I was getting frustrated. How could I describe something that only I had felt? He would not be able to understand the horror that passed through my body when I realized that I had sliced her body like that. Had I really done that? No, I couldn't have. The girl had looked completely unfamiliar to me, and why would I be holding a knife with blood dripping from it? In my mind, the blood darkened even more and the sprawled body of the little girl turned into my little brother Kohaku. For a moment, my defences weakened, making me more vulnerable to my emotions.

"There was… there was so much blood," I whispered, feeling his gaze intensify on me. "I don't know how… "

He held me tighter, the warmth in his arms only beginning to calm my nerves down. "Sango, it's alright. It's just a dream. You're overreacting because it -" He hesitated, looking uncertain about whether or not I would become angry at his words, then continued, his voice softening. " - it reminds you of what happened to your village and to Kohaku," he finished.

"I know," I answered, my voice wavering. "I can't help but think about… everything that has happened. When I see Kohaku, I remember all the good times we had. I remember when he used to try so hard to make Father proud, trying to catch his scythe but missing, so that the metal cut his skin and I had to bandage it up afterwards." For a moment, I smiled faintly while I played the memory in my head, hearing Kohaku's voice before it went emotionless and the determined words that kept up his courage about becoming a taijiya became controlled by Naraku, shouting hurtful things at me because he could not remember that I was his older sibling.

_Kohaku threw the silver weapon and it caught around the pot targets Father was always telling us to aim at. "I did it!" Kohaku said, looking proud of himself, at the same time preparing to catch the scythe as it completed its swing and came back at him. _

_Father and I were watching him. I was there, simply encouraging him, trying to build up his self-confidence; Father was there only to strictly supervise his training. _

_The sharp weapon came back at him, and he held out his hand in the correct position so he could twist his wrist back to catch it properly without cutting himself, but he moved too slowly and the round blade swung into the tip of his palm, and through his fingers. Blood dripped steadily from the cut, and he held his injured hand with the other one, making an embarrassed face. "Agh…"_

_Father took a step forward, chastising him. "You are not concentrating hard enough Kohaku," he said sternly. "You have to be more careful when you catch it! You need to practise more."_

_A few minutes later, Kohaku sat on the front step of our hut, examining the bandages I had wound around the small injury. Kirara joined him, mewing and taking a seat beside him, licking her paws._

_I came out and sat down beside him, Kirara between us. "How is your injury, Kohaku?" I asked softly, watching him. "Does it feel any better?"_

_He sighed, opening and closing his fingers a few times as if to test how well I'd wound the bandages. "Yeah. It does." He seemed a bit down though, and he hung his head slightly, studying his knees with his hands in his lap. _

"_What's wrong Kohaku?" I questioned him, lightly running my fingers along Kirara's cream coloured fur. _

"_It's just that I wish I could be better at fighting, like you." My little brother obviously felt I would most likely always be better than him when it came to slaying demons. "Then maybe Father would take more pride in what I do."_

_I put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Kohaku, you're doing fine. Your training is going well, and Father has told me how proud he is of your progress so far. He's not disappointed in you, Kohaku," I gently told him. _

"_Really?" He lifted his head and grinned, suddenly gaining back his usual confidence as a butterfly flew past him. He laughed a few times, Kirara leaping on his shoulder and rubbing her face against his, purring lightly. "Wow. I never thought Father was impressed…" He laughed again, sounding a bit embarrassed. _

His laughter, though it seemed very distant to me, echoed in my mind, and his face slowly faded away. Miroku was looking at me.

"Sango…"

"I'm alright," I said, looking away, feeling embarrassed, having lost myself so deep in memories.

He didn't say anything at first, just cupped my cheek with his hand and gently turned my face to his. His thumb wiped away a tear that had started to run down my cheek, and I blushed, even as I knew that he was only trying to comfort me.

"You were starting to cry again," he said quietly, now rubbing his thumb against my cheek.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" I started, but he interrupted me, his voice low.

"I know you didn't mean to, but you cannot help it. It is a part of being human that we can show our emotions like this," he said. "And…" I looked directly at him. Something had flickered in his eyes for a moment, maybe sadness or some distant longing that he was trying to remember, but now his eyes only showed me their usual concern whenever I was feeling upset like this. "And I don't like it… when you cry. It… it makes me feel…" He stopped, apparently thinking he had said too much, but I wanted him to continue.

"It makes you feel what?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. It was at times like these when I had a feeling that he was hiding something, but I had never tried to get him to tell me, and I tried to act like I didn't care.This time, however... this time seemed to be a bit different.

But he shook his head, silently telling me that this would be the end of this conversation, and he shifted back a bit so he was leaning against the wall. "Let's get some sleep, or else Inuyasha will be complaining all day tomorrow that we can't continue the shard hunt because we're too tired."

I snorted, trying to mask my disappointment at the fact that he ignored my question. "I would never be too tired to do anything that could possibly be an advantage to defeating Naraku." He smiled faintly at my determination, something he had not seen in me for a long while, his eyes closing. I went over to him and he put an arm around me, quickly falling asleep. It was roughly ten minutes before I fell asleep, and for the first time in many long nights, I had no nightmares about my family. At least Miroku would be there to help me.


	3. The Knife

**For those of you out there wanting some fluff, this chapter has a bit of Romance in it. I realize the first two chapters were extremely short, so I'm going to make the upcoming chapters much longer. I'll try, no guarantee. :nervous sweatdrop: **

We continued our travels early the next morning. The others were not aware of the conversation between Sango and I, and I wanted to keep it that way, as I'm sure Sango did. If there was anything starting to deepen in terms of companionship, I did not want the others to know. Especially Inuyasha. And Shippou. And - Kami, I would not want any of them to know. Not that it was hard to guess lately, with me constantly asking Sango if she was alright every time she got a scratch or cut during a fight with some sort of youkai. I tried to act casual whenever she gained more serious injuries, like I was just concerned that my battle partner would not be able to work with me and I would have to fight the upcoming battles by myself, but I think Kagome-sama suspected something between us, though she rarely talked about it with me. Kami only knows what they were talking about during all those hot spring sessions. I had never gotten close enough to hear what they talked about thanks to Sango's accurate hearing abilities. I have more memories of her scolding and throwing rocks at my head than I do of her smiling, but I don't think that surprises anyone, least of all me. It's worth the sight, though.

Inuyasha came bounding in the hut earlier, sending rays of bright sunshine into our eyes, ordering us to get up so we wouldn't waste another day finding the jewel shards that he constantly harassed Kagome about during our travels. Sometimes I wondered she could put up with his irritating temper, but then again, she did have that sit command. It didn't really get him to obey orders, but he became less threatening to us, especially since it was Kagome who commanded him face down into the ground.

The hanyou and Kagome were ahead of Sango and I, and the kitsune was perched on Kagome's shoulder. Inuyasha seemed to be in a rush today, not that he was never in a rush to find more jewel shards. Sometimes I wonder how Kagome-sama always puts up with him.

Meanwhile, back to Sango and I. She was walking at a moderately slow pace, and hadn't said a word all morning. I stopped, allowing Inuyasha and Kagome-sama to gain some distance between us so they wouldn't overhear our conversation. "Sango," I said, catching her wrist, making her slow down even more. "What are you thinking about?"

"What?" She shook her head slightly to clear it then looked at me. "Oh, nothing," she replied in an off-handed sort of way. Did she think I was stupid or something? I know when she's not mentally with us, which is the majority of the time since she's such a reflective person about her memories, but why does she feel like she has to hide her sadness from all of us? True, she did cry for a few minutes on _Kagome's_ shoulder shortly after she met us. Then again, she said I was, uh, "stroking her knees" only a day after we helped take care of her injuries. I couldn't help it! She was such a beautiful woman despite all her troubles and worries… and I only thought she should know it. Although looking back on it now, I can understand why both girls avoided being around me for the next three days.

But I still can't understand why the Sango would feel that she had to keep everything bottled up inside of her. It's not like I haven't seen her cry before.

"Sango." I would not ask her directly, but she could tell it by my tone of voice that I wanted to know what was keeping her so quiet. "You know I care about you." Inwardly I laughed weakly as Inuyasha's ears twitched in the slightest movement and Kagome froze in her tracks. Could they still hear the quiet conversation between me and Sango even if they were only a few feet away from us? Nevertheless, Kagome acted as though she couldn't hear anything and simply kept pulling Inuyasha with her, Shippou sending curious glances back to me and the taijiya, but Kagome scooped him into her arms and walked away, saying something to him about finding a playmate. That got his full attention, and Sango and I were free to talk.

"I'm just worried about Kohaku," she answered a little too quickly, looking away to avoid my gaze. I reached out and gently turned her face to meet mine, a surprised noise escaping her mouth.

"Houshi-sama?" she asked almost timidly.

I frowned slightly, studying the nervous look on her eyes. "Sango… is the dream you had last night bothering you?"

She bit her lip and stared down at the ground, taking a moment to decide how to answer. "No," she said at last, but I could clearly hear the falseness of her tone. It was obvious that she was trying to hide her fear and embarrassment from last night, and I didn't blame her.

It was not often that Sango and I had close talks. In fact, almost all of the time we talked during our travels, we kept our distances, making it more clear to the others - if not us - that we were nothing more than travelling companions, although I think Kagome-sama suspected something more between us and still does. Sango made it painfully clear to me that I was not to get too attached to her by never saying my name, only the informal "Houshi-sama". Also, when we were given a few rare moments to spend alone, Sango would never talk about our relationship or press matters about how much time we had left, in terms of my Kazaana. She talked about Kohaku frequently to Kirara though, and sometimes I had this feeling that he was more important to her, and if she were given a chance to trade my life for his - she would choose his, no hesitation on my part.

It did hurt, a very small part of would admit that, despite the happiness I knew she would finally achieve if Kohaku was to be freed from the memory spell that was his "undead life."

I wanted so much for her to be happy. Even if I died in the process of saving Kohaku for her, and she wouldn't give a damn about me afterwards because I was just the lecherous, flirtatious monk, if she was happy after, that was all that mattered. I had that much to give to her, to make sure she would be alright even if she didn't realize just how much I cared about her. It still hurt, besides I wanted to be the one by her side.

A few times, Sango saved my life. The first time my life really was in danger because of Naraku, she almost cried. To think Sango almost cried about me was exhilarating because I didn't think she cared that much about me. And yes, I just had to go and ruin the sweet if short moment between us by seizing a chance to give her bottom a gentle caress. I had to assure her I was fine, that I wasn't going to die, and it worked. Sango nearly killed me herself afterwards for faking death, but it was worth it. It's always worth something to see her get angry and think about me instead of Kohaku for a change, although anger towards someone isn't always the best way to be thinking about them.

"Sango, it's going to be alright." I pulled her closer to me, my arm going around her shoulders. She didn't blush this time, which amazed me. A lot of the time, she seems reluctant to show any emotion besides her regular determination to kill the bastard Naraku. I have heard her talking to Kirara late at night, thinking the rest of us are deep in slumber, but if she's trying to fool anyone, it has to be herself. It's certainly not us. How can you sleep, when at any moment you know you can be attacked by a demon of any shape and size, with any kind of powers? You need to be alert at all times, and it doesn't matter who is with you. Each of us is only human, with the exception of Inuyasha, and even with his half-demon powers he can only do so much.

I know for a fact that each of us rarely gets any sleep even when we try. Inuyasha occasionally has nightmares involving the undead miko, Kikyou-sama, and the miko from the future, Kagome-sama. Kagome usually ponders about Inuyasha's true feelings about her, which none of us know except for the fact that Inuyasha would do anything to save her. It is quite obvious to Sango and I that Kagome fell in love with Inuyasha a long time ago, and we are still unsure if he will ever return her feelings for him. Kikyou-sama still keeps his heart chained up under her dead grasp by saying he owes her his life, which is true. Kikyou-sama did sacrifice herself to keep the jewel pure… but at the same time, Inuyasha's feelings are still confused about the girl from the future. Why Kagome-sama allows Inuyasha to break her heart each time he goes to see Kikyou-sama is beyond me, but I think it has something to do with respect for his feelings and the fact that Kikyou-sama's sacrifice was meant to save the jewel _and_ to follow Inuyasha into the afterlife is something she realized she could not compare with. You cannot compare the living to the dead, no matter how good or evil the dead person was, or is. In that case, Kagome-sama will not win Inuyasha. Inuyasha's vow to go into hell with Kikyou-sama has not been brought up these past few weeks, but none of us will press the matter. It was unspoken of then, and it will remain so until Kikyou-sama comes for a visit.

But one of the things that I know about is when Akago captured Kagome-sama. She has admitted that she feels jealous of Kikyou-sama, but even that cannot be tarnished by the evil power of the jewel because it is a natural emotion that humans feel. In that way, her jealousy is not a negative outlook on things. One of these days, Inuyasha will stay with Kagome-sama, and not worry about his debt to Kikyou-sama. Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself things will work out.

My dear Sango has a past that is not usually discussed within the group, unless Kohaku shows up. Naraku still controls his body and mind, but at Kohaku's will. We know that Kohaku still has his memories buried deep within his heart somewhere, but to get to them, he will have to face the guilt and terror of killing his family and village members off. This hurts Sango more than even I will ever understand.

She is such a brave person. When she first met us, I didn't really notice much about her, except that she was beautiful, much like any other woman. But when we were faced with dire situations, such as Naraku's puppets, or his stupid incarnations that successfully led us into traps that nearly cost our lives, I noticed how strong she was. Not just physically, just mentally. She did not let her past take control of her emotions, preventing her from fighting the one enemy that she despised most. She always waited until long after we finished our battles, then she would cry by herself, comforted only by her cat companion. I knew she cried constantly at night about her family because I would often join her, wanting to offer my comfort. Then she would pretend everything was alright, and that her memories were just reflecting themselves in her head, before Kohaku turned on her. But I know better. I know her better than she thinks I do.

"Nothing is going to happen," I tried to assure her. She still didn't look certain, that is, until I tilted her head upwards to kiss her. She didn't back up, but leaned into it a bit more. Was it possible she was enjoying it? We have kept our feelings hidden away for so long, I don't think we even knew that the other still had them. But with one simple kiss, they were finally given a chance to unlock.

I broke away for a moment to dig my staff into the ground silently, not wanting to alert the others, and wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her close. I had wanted for so long just to hold, and for a few moments, my dreams came true. I was holding her, feeling her body lightly against mine, and _she was letting me_. I think the only thing that kept me from showing my amazement outwardly was the fact that if I showed my surprise now, it would ruin the moment, and Sango would also regain her senses and hit me for being the lecherous monk that I was, not that I was planning on doing any lecherous moves at the moment, but she never stopped suspecting me. Also, in a way, I think her feelings for me grew stronger over time. As crazy as it sounds, I could almost hear her heart pounding.

She made a very faint, almost unnoticeable noise of disappointment. Hiraikotsu was dropped to the ground, a small cloud of dust rising up along with the sound of a dull thud as the large weapon hit the ground. Her hands were on the upper part of my chest, almost on my shoulders as she allowed herself to lean against me. I could feel the tension and anxiety draining out of her body as she started to relax. Her breathing was still steady as her head lay against my chest, her eyes not quite closed, but I could tell that the effect of the kiss had not worn off of her. It hadn't worn off of me, either. I still wanted more, and I moved one of my hands up to stroke her hair as she rested, taking a moment of peace with me.

Time had officially frozen for me, as I'm sure it did with her. For a few seconds, it was only the two of us, holding each other as an unspoken vow of support and possibly even faint feelings of love began to show through. For a moment, I forgot everything else: the villages we had been to, the demons we had destroyed, the jewel shards we still needed to obtain, the Kazaana in my right hand steadily increasing in size. Even Naraku was forgotten as I held her close to me during these few precious moments.

Her breaths became shorter as she moved her head upwards slightly. For a second, I saw the hidden desire in her eyes that I knew was in mine. Our gazes connected, and her lips shyly, almost reluctantly it seemed, started to close the few inches of distance we still had between our faces. It was like she was silently asking for permission to kiss me, although I had already done so and managed to shock the life out of the both of us. Her mouth barely brushed mine and I welcomed the small kiss she gave me. She was extremely hesitant in doing so due to her shyness and risk of showing trust, and I could understand that. But even under the invisible barrier she had formed around her fragile soul, I could tell her feelings for me had not decreased. If anything, they were… becoming stronger. How could I have not noticed before? Why didn't I notice how quiet she was with Kuranosuke-san? How could I not have seen the anger in her eyes when I didn't do anything for her!

"Sango," I managed to murmur, even through the gentle kiss she gave me. Damn it, why did our feelings have to make themselves known at a time like this? Out on a dusty path, not even in a forest, only a few minutes away from the next village! I am so glad Inuyasha and Kagome-sama did not see us. I knew Shippou would not; Kagome-sama would have distracted him a while ago with some treats.

Inuyasha must have been thinking the same thing. "Are you guys -" he started to call out, then Kagome told him to shut up, or else. He reluctantly obeyed her command, but only because he knew she would use the 'sit' command, and I didn't think he felt like being slammed into the dirt.

Kagome forced a smile on her face and practically dragged the hanyou away by his sleeve, shooting him sweet but dangerous looks, Shippou now on her shoulder. He glanced behind at Sango and me, and his eyes opened a bit wider than usual when he saw how close we were. Kagome called his name and said something to grab his attention, and I knew she was trying to keep his young if not clever mind off of us. In a few minutes, they were out of sight. Their talking could still be heard further down the path, and it didn't take me more than two seconds to figure out what the subject of their 'conversation' was.

Immediately, Sango realized her surroundings, and she backed away, her face flushed. "Houshi-sama… what…?" She seemed to be having trouble forming a simple question, and if our situation hadn't been so affected by our feelings, I would have laughed.

As it was, I could understand her embarrassment. "We were - we were - " I was having trouble myself trying to explain what had just happened between us.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking away.

"No, it's okay Sango. I want - I mean, I didn't mind it…" I said nervously. What if she had never been in a relationship before?

She created more distance between us as she stepped away, bending down to pick up Hiraikotsu, looking everywhere and anywhere except at me. "No, it's not. I can't believe I…"

Tentatively reaching over, I touched her cheek, and she turned to look at me. "You didn't do anything wrong. We all need reassurance at one time or another." Reassurance? Who was I kidding? Once again, certainly not us, though she didn't say anything that would make me have to deny it.

"Still…" Her voice was so soft I barely heard it. "We shouldn't have done that." She looked down at the ground, her bangs shielding her eyes. "I'm sorry… I…" Lost for words, she kept staring at the ground, then fell to it on her knees, a small cloud of dust settling on the material of her kimono.

She was embarrassed by her actions, that much I could tell. But I wondered something else: why did she have to hide her embarrassment towards me? I bent down slightly, touching her shoulder. "Sango, we'll talk about this later. I think Kagome-sama and Inuyasha are waiting for us." My voice was just over a whisper as I thought about my own feelings towards her.

She got up and walked away, not looking back at me or saying anything. I felt guilty, almost as if I had taken advantage of her, even though I knew I had not. But now was not the time to discuss it with her. Inuyasha was getting impatient up ahead, and Sango obviously did not want to talk about it in front of anyone else.

* * *

It was night by the time we had set up camp. Kagome immediately dove into her sleeping bag, wanting a good night's sleep. Her body was tired from all the travelling during the day, and despite the lack of demons around the area, which was unusual, we were still constantly on the lookout for impending danger. 

Shippou slept right by her, curled up in Kirara. The cat's warm fur kept the heat insulated around his tiny fox body as he snuggled against her. Inuyasha was on his tree branch, his head slightly over to the side as he dozed lightly, the faint moonlight catching the glow of his silver hair.

Sango was in her sleeping bag, but she wasn't sleeping. She was staring at the dying embers of the fire. Her shiny black hair had been brushed back behind her shoulders, so that waves of it smoothed against the back of her kimono. Her eyes were filled with confusion as they intensified themselves on the orange light of the flames.

"Sango?" I asked quietly. She looked over at me.

"Yes?"

I got up and sat down next to her as she relaxed against me. My arms slowly wrapped around her as I was careful not to startle her into moving away. "What are you thinking about?"

She leaned back her head back, her eyes partly closed. "Just how warm and comforting you are and how much I like it when you hold me like this." A flush started in her cheeks as she covered her mouth in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that," she said quickly, moving away from me.

I caught her waist and forced me to settle against me again, trying to calm her. "It's okay. About earlier… I'm not mad at you. I liked what you did, back there. It was… amazing," I whispered, remembering the feel of her lips against mine. She had definitely been brave to try and do something like that. She hesitantly leaned against me, her head lying back on my shoulder as I rested my chin on it. Come to think of it, I don't even know why she would have done that. What had caused our reactions towards each other? It wasn't like we had never hugged or held each other before…

"But that's not what I meant when I asked you what you were thinking about." The feel of her body against mine was just a bit distracting, and for a moment, I had forgotten what it was that I was trying to get at. I could understand if she was embarrassed. I mean, we kissed on the middle of the road where anyone could see. Thank Kami it was only Kagome-sama, Inuyasha, and Shippou who saw us.Other than that, I was fine with it. I had fully enjoyed how she felt against me, without getting slapped for my efforts for once.

"I just…" She tried to start a sentence, but realized she couldn't think of any words to complete it, so in frustration she started up another topic, hoping to get my mind off of that event. "That dream… it keeps bothering me. Something about it just didn't feel right." She looked away from me, her voice becoming stronger as she continued to speak. "I know it's not easy for you to understand what I mean, but that's… that's how it felt."

"It's going to be alright, Sango. Don't worry about it so much," I told her. I briefly kissed the side of her forehead as she finally placed herself in a more comfortable position. "And even if something does happen, I'll be there with you. You won't have to… take it alone." As I spoke, I recalled the memories of when she had first joined us.

_She stood there, in her taijiya outfit, her hand fastening to the strap of her weapon, which was a big, heavy-looking boomerang made up of some type of bone. Her black hair was pulled back in a ponytail so that her hair would not be blowing in her face as she fought. Even at this distance, I could see that her brown eyes were filled with anger - and hatred? She wore a poison protection mask, covering her mouth. Her eyes narrowed, sending furious glares across the area at us. _

"_Are you Inuyasha?" she demanded, the hair in her ponytail being brushed by the wind._

"_Yeah, what of it?" the hanyou shot back, his hand seeking the sheath of Tetssusaiga. Kagome looked surprised that the older teenager knew his name, and I felt slightly shocked myself. I can almost feel the rage and anguish radiating off of her. She looks like she wants to kill something. Or someone. I looked nervously at Inuyasha._

"_I'm here to take vengeance for my people!" She hurled the boomerang directly at Inuyasha. "Hiraikotsu!"_

_Inuyasha reacted quickly, moving out of the way and jumping above her to try and gain the advantage, unleashing Tetssusaiga as he went through the air to defend himself against her sudden attack._

"_Why don't you kill me?" she challenged, advancing forward to catch the giant weapon and twisting her wrist slightly to balance the force of it as it came back._

"_What?" Inuyasha looked completely confused, and I couldn't blame him. _

"_Don't try to play dumb with me! You destroyed my village!" She hurled it again and he moved out of the way. _

_Kagome started to step forward. "Inuyasha, be careful!" she shouted, panic evident in her voice. This particular taijiya wasn't just any demon slayer; we had heard that her slayers were some of the best in the area. _

"_I don't know what you're talking about!" Inuyasha protested as he landed._

_She readied herself for another attack. "Oh, but my defenceless village was easy enough for you to slaughter, but you can't kill me?" she taunted, her voice filled with utmost hatred._

"_I didn't destroy any village!" the hanyou defended, motioning for the rest of us to stay back and out of the battle zone area. _

How sad and desperate she had been then. I didn't really know her at the time; heck, I didn't even know her name until we had returned back to what used to be the medicinal hut in her village. Despite her anger and misunderstanding, I still thought she had to have been the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

Shortly after her fight with Inuyasha, Naraku had revealed himself in puppet form, slyly admitting that he had been the cause for her destroyed family and village. By this time, Sango was suspicious of him and tried to regain her balance from her bandaged wounds by using Kagome's support. The expression on her face as she watched him tell her the details of his carefully thought plan went from anger and general pain from her injuries to surprise, then to shock and enraged anguish.

_She stood up, leaning partially on Kagome. The younger girl was still worrying over her injuries, which seemed to be getting worse from all the extra fighting the taijiya had forced her body to do, and it hadn't had a chance to heal properly. "You - you were the one that destroyed my village?" she asked in disbelief._

"_Destroyed?" Naraku said in a mock hurt voice. "Is that what you call my thoughtful planning?"_

_She grasped Hiraikotsu, the fire in her eyes more evident than before. "Damn you!" she screamed at him, lunging forward to attack. The jewel shard that had been dug into her back came out due to her agility, and the pain returned with a vengeance. Blood flew out of her back and wounds, pouring into the dirt below as she lost her balance. Her vision blurred and starting to fade, she collapsed facedown into the dirt, losing her grip on the Hiraikotsu as it clattered to the ground beside her. _

I would never let her go through any sort of pain like that again, not if I could help it. She was the most important person to me, like family, and I wanted to make sure she would never suffer as long as I was there.

Later that night, I woke up. Sango was sleeping beside me, her head on my chest. It was still midnight. I'm not sure if it was because I normally did not get much sleep at all, or if some part of my conscience had instinctively woken me up simply because something was wrong, but I knew that something was happening. I slowly sat up, not wanting to wake her, and then my senses quickly alerted me to her body temperature.

She was cold. So cold that she was shivering. I tested her forehead - it felt cold as well. So she didn't have a fever or anything like that, but I was worried. Her skin temperature felt like it had been buried in snow for hours, only it was a warm starry night with just a slight bit of a refreshing breeze.

"Sango! Sango!" I shook her, to try and wake her, but she didn't respond. The cold gradually began to leave her body, but she still didn't wake up. "Sango, please, wake up!" I pleaded, shaking her harder. What was going on?

In desperation, I hugged her to my chest trying to pass my warmth into her as much as possible. "Sango… please…" I didn't know exactly what I was pleading for; there was no aura of any demon nearby and she hadn't been injured in a fight lately, but if this sudden cold harmed her in any way, I wasn't about to take any chances. "Sango… please, say something… anything. Just… just let me know you're okay." Was that trembling voice mine?

After what seemed like hours, but was really only a few seconds, she slowly opened her eyes, looking a bit disorientated at first until I was holding her. "Houshi-sama?" she said, still looking pale and shivering.

"Sango, are you okay?" I loosened my grip on her, testing her temperature again.

"I - I think so," she answered shakily.

"You're still cold…" I grabbed her sleeping bag and firmly covered her with it, using it as insulation for the heat.

"I feel fine," she said quietly, sitting up. Her body temperature was now completely back to normal, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that something had happened. It was almost like my body was trying to get me to realize something, only I hadn't realized it, but I didn't know what it _was_ that I had to acknowledge!

She shifted away from me and pushed the top of the sleeping bag down to mid-waist, taking her hands out from under it and looking at them, a faintly worried expression covering her calm features.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she answered in what she obviously thought would be a convincing off-handed sort of tone, while she started fingering the material of the bag, her movements betraying her nervousness and fear.

I sighed inwardly. I should have known that she would be like this. Sango is not the type of person to spill all her secrets and cry on someone's shoulder just to receive comfort. She would rather keep her pain hidden and not try to "burden" the rest of us with her problems, which is what she thinks she does. Sometimes she tells Kagome things that have happened when she is in one of her emotional moods and cannot hold the tears back. She doesn't really talk to Inuyasha about any of it, knowing that he has his own inner conflicts. Shippou is too young to understand much of the physical and emotional destruction Naraku has caused on a wider perspective, and thank whatever Gods for that. It saves us from having to explain many of the things that go on, seeing as most of them usually affect at least one of us directly.

But me… especially me. She wouldn't want her burden, her pain, her guilt to become mine. She feels that she has responsibility in keeping her pain to herself, and since my mind is already weighed down with the Kazaana most times, she takes my own silent turmoil into consideration.

"Sango, please. Tell me what is wrong." My voice was just as quiet as hers, and no, I wasn't commanding her; I was suggesting that if she wanted to tell me, she could. I would not judge her. I have too much respect to demand anything from her, especially if it is something as personal as Kohaku. Besides, if it hurts her too much to talk about it… she had already been through so much.

She took a deep breath and looked over at my hands, her fingers starting to take hold of mine. By the way she lowered her head, keeping her gaze hidden from mine, I knew automatically that whatever she was thinking about would put her in one of her emotional moods. I wanted to know, so I kept quiet. If I pushed her too much about it, she would give up.

"I had another dream," she began, as my hands covered hers in a silent gesture of comfort. "I wasn't anywhere in particular, just outside a village somewhere, in the middle of the road.

"It was dark, and the lights in the village were lit up. I didn't have my battle outfit on, just my regular kimono. There was a boy in front of me, he was about Kohaku's age, maybe a bit older. He was wearing a navy blue sleeveless shirt and beige pants with no sandals. His face was shadowed, and he stood there in silence. I didn't recognize him then; I still don't know who he is.

"I didn't move or anything, but then the shadow lifted off of his face, and I saw that his eyes were a deep blue colour, and his hair was a dark brownish shade. It barely reached his neckline. What set apprehension in me was the fear in his eyes. It was as if he thought I was going to do something horrible to him."

She paused, swallowing. Her throat already felt dry although she hadn't been talking for more than a few minutes. I gently tugged one of my hands out of hers and put it on her shoulder. She still didn't look at me, but continued instead.

"And then I felt something strange… my body wouldn't do what I told it to do. I pulled a knife out of my sleeve and for a moment, it flashed in the moonlight. It was so shiny I could almost see the reflection of my eyes in it. Then I took a step forward, and the boy ran off. I caught the terror in his eyes, even though I didn't want to hurt him. But it was like my body couldn't listen to what I was trying to make it do. My grip on the knife tightened, and I felt my feet move as I ran after him. It didn't take long. I tackled him and rolled him over so that he was on his back. I could almost hear his heart pounding as I leaned down, my wrist poised to send the blade downwards, ready to strike where it would do the most painful damage.

"And it did." Her voice wavered as she tried to keep control. She still didn't turn to face me, but her hold on my hands had tightened. "I saw it go into the spot where his heart would be. I saw all the blood go flying. Everywhere, in every direction. It stained his clothes… and my hands… and I don't know how or why, but _I enjoyed it_."

I kept silent as she choked on her words, finally turning to face me. "I _enjoyed_ the feel of blood on my hands… it felt _good_ to kill someone, even though I know it doesn't. I still felt happy even as I knew I wasn't supposed to."

"Sango, look at me." I didn't know what it was about these dreams that had affected her so badly. "You didn't kill anyone. You couldn't have, and I know you would never do something like that. It was just a dream, Sango." I held her tightly to me, stroking her hair, trying to calm her as she buried her head in my shoulder, trying to keep her tears from surfacing. I could tell that the last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of me like this.

"It was just a dream," I repeated, gradually managing to calm her down a little bit, placing my chin on the top of her head. "It's okay. It's going to be okay." _As long as I'm here… I'm not going to allow anything like that to happen. _

If only I knew what was coming.

**Wow. Eleven pages worth of typing.The next chapter has some comedy to make up for the Angsty parts.The chapters from this point onwards will be more lengthy (I hope!) so I'm going to update approximately once every 2 weeks. **


	4. Consciousness

**Xxxroxyxxx: **I adore Mir/San just a little too much. The plot is coming up shortly… but it is taking a while to think out thoroughly so that not everything seems to happen coincidentally.

**Crimson Yuki: **I am NOT a pro. It took me about 5 years of practice to be able to type out half decent descriptions and when I first started writing, I couldn't even type out a decent beginning. It was rather pathetic. It takes practice. I'm kind of learning that as I go along in this story. The PoF does approximately 11 pages for each chapter, but she usually has at least 8 or 9 chapters written ahead on paper, plus her plots are more… complicated. She's also been on for much longer than I have.

**Closer-than-Fate: **I'm glad you like the story so far.

The next day, we decided to stop and take a rest at the next village. We had heard of some festival going on called the Ishitawa, so Kagome asked Inuyasha not so sweetly if we could stop by for a short while. After all, we had been searching for jewel shards non-stop the past week, and it _would_ be nice to think about other things besides demons, shards, Kohaku, Kikyou, and Naraku. Anything that involved any major fighting or some time dedicated to thorough thinking and planning was also on the list.

Inuyasha did the usual. Complaining, grumbling, and mumbling insults under his breath, he glared at the ground. It was quite amusing to watch him be slammed into it as a result of Kagome's impatience.

Kagome clearly won the argument with that simple command she liked to use so often. We headed into the village as two little kids ran up to us. One, about the age of eight, ran up to Kagome. He had an aqua coloured sleeveless shirt on, light blue shorts and brown sandals. Beside him was a little girl, about the age of six. She too had a sleeveless shirt on, a light pinkish colour, and white shorts as she ran up to me.

"My name's Kirishi!" she introduced herself. She pointed to the young boy beside her. "And this is -"

" - Satoshi," the young boy supplied, cutting her off. "Onee-chan, I can speak for myself, you know."

An older woman came up to him, placing one hand on each of their shoulders. She had friendly eyes and short black hair, accompanied by a warm smile. Her clothing consisted of a silver kimono with the outlines of cherry blossom designs. The insides of the designs were a golden copper.

"I'm sorry, please excuse them," she said politely, but firmly. She motioned for them to head back into the hut.

"But Mom!" Satoshi protested, glancing back at the group a few times as he was led back into the hut.

Kirishi made a noise of complaint. "No! I want to play with the doggy ears on that -"

She was quickly silenced as the woman covered her mouth, well aware of the death glare the hanyou was sending the girl, despite Kagome's assurances that he wouldn't do any harm to anyone. "Kirishi-san, your manners! I will _call_ you when you can talk to them. Satoshi, I want you to keep your sister busy while I welcome the visitors."

She headed back outside, looking at each of them in turn for only a moment as she introduced herself. "Once again, please excuse their lack of manners. My name is Hiromi. Those were my two children, Kirishi and Satoshi. I believe you wanted to stay for the night?"

"Hold on a minute!" Inuyasha interrupted rather rudely. "How come we're getting off easy at this place?" He glared at the monk, who grinned and put his hands up in defence. He looked innocent enough, but then again, he always tried to look that way whenever one of us accused him for something like that.

Kagome made a noise of disapproval at his attitude, grabbing his sleeve and hissing in a furious whisper, "Inuyasha! Be glad we don't _have_ to convince them to let us stay for once! We could all use a good night's rest… _under_ shelter." But I could understand Inuyasha's suspicion about this idea. Almost all of the villages were extremely hesitant (not to mention suspicious) about letting a hanyou in their midst, especially overnight. Also, a group consisting of a priestess, a monk, a demon slayer, and a young kitsune was not exactly what you would call common in these areas.

Miroku spoke up, making all of our assumptions true. "Well… she did mention there was a demon going around, trying to control the dead. Hiromi-san said there were many attacks in the past week, so I said we would get rid of it for a night's stay. No bargains this time, I promise!" He looked honest for once as we turned to shoot frustrated looks at him.

"Houshi-sama, you do know we stopped by here to have a rest _from_ the demons, not to fight one overnight?" I asked him, twitching. There had to be another reason for his so-called offer. Miroku never made offers specifically for the enjoyment of doing good deeds for others, just like Inuyasha.

"Well… uh," he stammered, feeling my frustration build up. "I did think about, uh, asking her if she would -"

"Save your pathetic excuse for a lineage, Houshi-sama," I said, just a little bit more than annoyed now. Shippou leaped on Kagome's shoulder, well out of the way of my wrath if I felt like whacking him with Hiraikotsu. It did feel pretty tempting, but I resisted the urge to; I didn't want the villagers of this place to think we were strange, as these villagers were the first not to give us suspicious looks just because we were travelling around with a hanyou. Not only that, we looked strange just because we _were_ a group.

"So, are we going to this festival thing?" the kitsune piped up. Kagome smiled at him as she walked into the main area of the village.

"That was the plan." She gave the hanyou a meaningful glance, then gave Hiromi a cheery smile. "I'm sorry for not introducing my name. I'm Kagome. This is Shippou."

I headed over to where Miroku was, roughly grabbing him by his sleeve. "I'm Sango, and this is Houshi-sama."

"Miroku," he corrected me lightly. I thought I saw a flash of hurt go through his eyes, but maybe I was just imagining things. I knew full well he was called Miroku, but I didn't use his name. If I did…

"And this -" Kagome pointed to the hanyou. "- is Inuyasha. He won't hurt anyone, he just seems like a bad guy."

"I'm sure," Hiromi laughed, leading us all up to the village inn. As Kagome, Shippou, Miroku and I headed in, I glimpsed Inuyasha behind me, looking around and sniffing the air, the slightest frown on his face. It was look that suggested there could be something unusual within range, but I didn't sense anything. Then again, I am a slayer, not a half-demon. I don't have the extra sense of smell or range of hearing to detect anything unusual like he can.

She led us down the hallway, and pointed to two rooms beside each other. Inuyasha flushed and looked anywhere but at Kagome, but nevertheless he dragged her into the room along with Shippou. I was careful not to reveal anything in my gaze as I looked at Miroku. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, but I was pretty sure it had something to do with one room, a bed, and a certain taijiya beside him.

"Don't even think about it," I snuck under my breath. Much to my amusement, he looked embarrassed for once, then hurt. Had I done something wrong? Trying to ignore this bad feeling in my stomach that was not necessarily caused by Miroku, I tried to take control of this rather dangerously perverted situation. I knew it would provide the monk with an opportunity to "check me out" and I was not about to let him do so.

"Could we have two separate rooms, please?" I requested. Hiromi first gave Miroku a questioning glance, then she looked directly at me, as if she could almost read my thoughts simply by the cautious expression on my face.

"Why? Aren't you two -" Hiromi started to ask, but I cut her off as soon as I realized where her sentence was going.

"No, we're not," I said, but once again, as I snuck a side glance at Miroku, I noticed it this time: there was a faint flicker of hurt going through his eyes. Hiromi looked sceptical.

"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a room together?" she asked yet again, making me feel more awkward and embarrassed by the minute. I chanced another look at Miroku to see if he had anything to say, but his gaze had switched to the engraved kanji on the walls, making it clear that he thought I had perfect control of this situation. Unfortunately, the control I thought I had was now slipping out of my hands. Hiromi probably thought we used to be a couple, or were denying any feelings towards each other, which was awfully close to the truth. If I managed to convince her that we _weren't_ a couple, then when she did leave us alone in a room together, Miroku and I would probably feel like we were purposefully avoiding each other.

"I'm -" I opened my mouth again, starting to wish I had never spoken in the first place, but then I cut myself off and looked away. I was sure a dull flush was rising in my cheeks. "Never mind. We'll take a room together. I'm sorry to be wasting your time," I said quietly.

She raised her eyebrows, apparently a bit bewildered at my sudden change of mind. After a moment, she regained her hostess attitude and pointed us to the other room. "Let me know if you need anything," she said, obviously wanting to get away from us. I sighed and entered the room.

It was quite plain, which is to be expected since we were at an inn, and not in our own house or anything. Bare wooden walls surrounded the dusty floor, and a double bed, with its headrest to the right, was against the wall, leaving adequate space on both sides for each person to put down their belongings. There was a window, but only a small one, and it was dusty as well, looking like it hadn't been washed in years. The dim light coming in seemed to dull at the other side of the glass, creating a blurred effect of greyish light and shadows to spread along the walls.

I placed my bag and Hiraikotsu near the wall, making sure Hiraikotsu was balanced so it wouldn't fall over. I could hear Miroku doing the same as he headed to the opposite side of the bed that was closest to the window. He was silent, and I turned around to look at him, my sleeping robes folded over in my arms as I placed them on the bed. I wasn't about to change with him in the room!

"Houshi-sama," I asked, wondering if I should even try to head in this direction of conversation. "You're - you're not angry with me, are you?"

"Angry with you?" he repeated, looking up. I couldn't detect any emotion in his eyes as he straightened up, carrying his own robes in his arms. "No. Why would I be?" His voice was mild, so he didn't seem angry, although if Miroku was angry he would hide it from me until he had a chance to calm himself in meditation.

"What I said back there…" I bit my lower lip in nervousness as I realized I wasn't sure what I was going to say. Instead, I started to head out of the room in an attempt to get away from the slight tension in the room. "I'm just going to the washroom to change."

"Then I guess I'll get undressed in here," he said, no trace of the hentai humour I had come to know and love, in his voice. As I left, I couldn't help feeling that I had disappointed him. Not because I left, but because I doubted his trust.

A few minutes later I returned and knocked on the door. He let me in, already having changed himself. I went over to the bed, about to sit down, but he put his hands on my shoulders in a gentle grasp, effectively stopping me. "Houshi-sama?" My voice sounded so small.

Miroku turned me around to face him, which I did. In fact, I did more than just stare at him; I noticed the intensity of his eyes, how bright and cheery they could seem during the day, whenever we fooled around. I also noticed the way the shadows were reflected in his eyes, making their depths seem more mysterious, hiding secrets I would never be able to understand.

For a long moment, there was only silence. I swear he could probably hear my heart pounding as his fingers slowly moved from the white material on my shoulder to the side of my neck, his fingers tracing a path up the skin to cup the side of my jaw. I could feel the prayer beads pressing lightly into my skin. I was starting to have trouble breathing.

"Is it really that dangerous to be around me?" he asked softly.

I realized with a jolt of surprise that this man, this _monk_, in front of me was not the same person I travelled with. This was a completely different side of Miroku, the side that I was sometimes able to glimpse at night when I woke up for a few seconds in between my dreams about Kohaku or Father. This was the Miroku that wanted to stop caring about whether he had to destroy Naraku to be rid of Kazaana, and just enjoy life for what it had to offer.

"No… it's just that…" I stammered like a fool, hoping that the room was dark enough to hide the blush that had deepened to a shade of red, colouring my cheeks. "I don't think - I mean, it's nothing about - I just -"

He smiled gently, making me blush more. "Is there something wrong?" he teased lightly, his other hand gradually moving down from my shoulder to my waist and settling there. He seemed to be able to read my thoughts as he swiftly told me, "I'm not going to try anything. Please Sango, just trust me this once." His voice was low and his face was close enough to mine that I could just feel his breath along the front of my jaw.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice just a bit cautious as to why he was talking this way. I was surprised at how shy I sounded, then again I had never been in a relationship before. Sure, I knew he liked me and wanted to keep it hidden from the others, as did I, but why would he deliberately try to advance our relationship? Why now? What made this time so different from the other times?

"I just want to…" Unable to explain his feelings, he leaned forward, catching me off guard and pressing his lips to mine in a gentle kiss, much like the one we had shared on the road about a day ago. After the slight shock wore off, I relaxed, trying to enjoy the kiss as much as possible, knowing that as soon as tomorrow came, Miroku and I would be back to our old selves, playing the letch and the taijiya who would slap in response. That thought darkened my mood, and I moved away, sitting on the bed. Why was I allowing him to - to do something like _this_ to me? He was practically seducing me, and I was letting him! Anger clouded my thoughts, until I realized that I wasn't angry at him; I was angry at myself for letting it come to this.

"Don't - don't do this."

He was confused and it showed as he sat down beside me, trying to put an arm around my shoulders. "Don't do what?"

"_Miroku_," I warned, shifting away from me. The monk looked at the expression on my face, and his expression faltered briefly.

"You're serious," he said after a long pause, seeming to recover from my lack of response. "You don't want…?"

"No." The word barely came out in a whisper.

I hate lying to Miroku. I hate lying to anyone unless it is a dire emergency, like a death situation. Also, I've never had to lie or disguise the truth to any of my friends before, but this… hurt. I wasn't just lying to Miroku, the monk I had come to love before I even realized it myself, but to myself. I wanted a relationship with him, yet I had to act like I didn't. It hurt me so much that I almost stopped myself from opening my mouth. I was afraid that if I fell in love, and the Kazaana took him away from me… God, how selfish was I!

I wanted my brother back alive, just so I wouldn't have to be by myself, but now I had Miroku. I wanted Miroku to be rid of his curse so that I could live with him… so I wouldn't be alone. It all came back to being alone. Sure, I love Kagome like a sister and Inuyasha does care about me immensely, even though I know he would never even admit that he loves _Kagome_, let alone say that he treasures us like true friends. But Miroku… he was different. I just can't describe it.

"Sango." The sound of his voice brought me back down to earth, and what our current situation was. "What's wrong?"

I made the mistake of glancing at him, and as I did, his expression became slightly panicked and concerned. Shit. I was crying again, wasn't I! Damn emotions. I moved my hand up to wipe away my tears, and perhaps to cover my face so he couldn't see me crying, but he caught my hand, squeezing it slightly. Slowly I shifted closer to him, although not close enough for him wrap his arms around me.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"No. It's me," I answered, tears blurring my vision. Why the hell did I have to care so much for a guy that was fated to die so soon! It just wasn't fair. I used my other hand to wipe away the tears that had escaped down my cheek, trying to take control of my emotions and be the strong taijiya that he saw during the day. But when we have close moments like these… I can't help but think of the possibilities that could happen, and the ways that they could so easily be destroyed, and I would be alone again. I hate crying in front of anyone else, but I hated myself even more for making Miroku worry about me. "I'm sorry."

He moved closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and closing the space between us even more. "Why?"

"For… for _this_." How could I explain it to him? How could I tell him, that over the past year, through all our stupid fights of him being the lecher and me hiding from the others, I had cared about him more than anyone else? I had grown to _love_ him. But I couldn't tell him that. He would never…

"Why were you crying?" he asked. By this time, I had calmed down considerably, and I moved closer, letting me embrace me. His arm stayed around my shoulders, holding me gently, while his other arm went around my body. My arms wrapped around his waist.

Why had I cried? I couldn't very well tell him that I had cried because of the fact that I loved him. I couldn't. Not only would he think that I was just fooling around to see if he really did care aboutme in the same way, but if I told him, and the others found out… even Naraku, Kagura and Kanna would eventually find out. That stupid mirror of hers could see anything miles away. If they were to found out that the monk and I had a deeper relationship than what they suspected, they would use it for their advantage. They would twist our love around and make us try to hate each other. Now while that was something I could never do, especially to Miroku, the thought scared me. I didn't answer.

"Sango… " He sounded tired. "Were you thinking about your brother?"

I forced my voice to work. "No."

"Then what's wrong? What were you thinking about?"

"I… I'm just worried. About everything," I said. At least part of that was true. I _was_ worried, but mainly about me and Miroku being together. I could never tell him that… not unless Naraku was defeated.

"Don't be. I know it sounds a bit strange coming from me, but don't be. If you need to talk to me about anything… I'm here," he said quietly.

That was the one thing I was afraid of: talking to him personally.

* * *

We got up bright and early the next morning. Well, early anyway, but certainly not bright. I was in a grumpy mood, and not too cooperative about getting out of bed. Yes, Miroku and I had shared a bed the night before, but I rolled right over to the other side, and he stayed on his side, not taking advantage of our situation. For that I was grateful. 

Kagome and her ideas. Hiromi-san told us the Ishitawa would be taking place early afternoon. Shippou was very happy about getting a chance to party and have some fun. Inuyasha did not want to be convinced to do such a carefree thing, as he liked to call it.

"It's such a waste of time when we could be looking for more jewel shards!" he said in an annoyed tone. "I'm _not_ about to do something as stupid as this. Besides, you haven't found any shards in the past week. You should be -"

Kagome sighed and said the command to send him into the ground. There wasn't really any other way to get him to shut up.

Miroku kept glancing at me, as if he were afraid that I would bring the conversation from last night back up. I had never been so emotional around him before, and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it. I did trust him to a certain extent, and while he would use any opportunity to grope any girl, especially me whether he felt like the situation needed to be lightened, I would trust him with my life.

After all, it was only Miroku being himself. What else could I expect from him?

Kirishi and Satoshi met up with us again at the festival. Kirishi was a very happy child, always willing to talk about everything and anything as long as she had her listener's undivided attention. Satoshi was the quiet sibling. He was a happy kid like her, and it was obvious that Kirishi looked up to him as her big brother. She was always smiling, and being young, she was full of energy during the afternoon, often asking the group questions. Satoshi stood beside his mother, watching his younger sibling run around us.

For the first time in months, we allowed ourselves to relax. Well, as close to "relaxing" as much as we could, since a half-demon, miko, monk, kitsune and taijiya are not exactly a group of people you'd find lazing around when there are demons on the loose and could attack you at any moment. "Fun" was also a word we weren't exactly familiar with, since we were constantly travelling, and didn't usually have the time to really get to know the people at the villages we saved.

Inuyash, not being one for huge social gatherings, especially since a lot of people usually had the habit of staring at him or his doggy ears, sulked by a tree, sending glares in my friend's direction, but she pretended not to notice, giggling and playing with Shippou.

As I stood there watching, slightly out from the noisy crowd of people dancing and doing various other things, it was then that a strange feeling overtook me. My vision went slightly blurred at the edges, almost like faint waves at the edges of my sight trying to blend into what I saw, and my senses were dulled. Everything sounded slightly muffled, like the noise was coming through a tunnel but I couldn't quite make out the words.

I felt slightly dizzy, almost unbalanced in an odd way, even though I was standing perfectly still, trying to figure out what the hell was happening to me. Suddenly I stumbled forward as the earth spun around me. Neither Kagome and Shippou noticed, and Inuyasha had leapt up to a particularly high tree branch, away from all the cheery commotion, not wanting to be involved in such a "time-wasting" activity, as he usually called things like this. But of course the ever so persistent monk noticed.

"Sango, are you feeling okay?" he asked me, putting an arm around my shoulder to steady me.

"I'm fine, why?" I answered, shaking my head slightly to clear it of the blurriness.

"Just making sure. You looked like you were spacing out," he said, his arm snaking downwards, the same old grin back on his face. So much for actual concern.

The force of my slap caught Kagome's attention. She sighed and looked at Miroku, who grinned back at her almost sheepishly. "I don't think you've hit him hard enough with Hiraikotsu yet. He still hasn't learned to keep his hands to himself."

The monk forced a laugh as my hand grasped the strap of Hiraikotsu. I shot a glare at him. "I don't think he has the _brains_ to figure it out, Kagome-chan. If I told him to, I'd just be wasting my breath because I don't think he would ever consider that much towards my feelings." Once again, as I said this, remembering all the other times he had tried to make advances upon other women and I had whacked him over the head, I thought I saw a flash of pain flicker behind the perverted smile he wore. However, just like the last time, I ignored it. "You never learn."

I looked at Kagome, who was wearing an expression of mild frustration. She looked from me to him. "Miroku-sama," she said as I brushed past her, "You know, one of these days you're going to overdo it and she won't talk to you again."

Shippou looked up, bored of the conversation already. "You touch her there again?" he asked in a casual tone of voice, shaking his head. "Even I know when enough is enough."

I headed back to the side area, away from all the commotion. My temper needed to cool down. Stupid monk. He should have known better than to try and touch my ass. Inuyasha glanced at me, aware of the anger radiating from my aura, but tried not to look interested.

"Miroku being a jackass again?" he asked in his usual gruff manner.

"Like you're one to talk," I shot back at him. He scowled at me in response. Well, it was true. He was enough of a jerk himself when Kikyou appeared, always unintentionally hurting my friend's feelings whether he realized it or not.

Now he looked offended. He could dish out insults without thinking about the actual effect of his words on someone who cared about him, but he couldn't take any? "What?" I smiled innocently at him. He didn't say anything but looked away, glaring at the crowd.

Miroku came over after a few minutes, looking somewhat apologetic. "I'm sorry, my dear Sango," he said, taking my hand. "I just could not resist touching such a lovely -"

"_Houshi-sama_," I warned.

He grinned. "Would you prefer it if I touched Kagome-sama instead?" Before I was able to scold him for even saying something like that, Inuyasha grabbed the front of Miroku's robes tightly, not enough to shove him to the ground, but with enough force to make him stumble backwards a bit.

"Do it, and die," he growled, making Miroku's eyes widen slightly.

"Calm down Inuyasha, I was just kidding!" Miroku protested as the hanyou let go, still snarling a bit, clearly showing that he did _not_ like that type of joke. Inuyasha had never had what you would call a sense of humour, but when it came to Kagome, he was always protecting her.

"You're not touching Kagome," Inuyasha warned, "unless you want your hand ripped off."

"I heard you," Miroku said, the smile fading from his face. "Like I said, I was just kidding around. Sango is a unique girl -" this I blushed at "- and I should make sure she knows it."

My blush deepened slightly as I raised my hand in mock anger as if I was really considering on slapping him for what he was applying in that statement. "Oh yeah? How about you make sure to show me that in a way that _doesn't_ involve your wandering hands, or else you can _be _sure that I'll show _you_ the part of me that isn't unique!"

He backed away, both hands up in the air as a sign of defeat. "I'm only kidding!" Kagome and Shippou just shook their heads.

"He'll never learn," Shippou said, exchanging exasperated glances with Kagome.

"I had such hopes, too… you know, maybe just for Sango-chan he'd -"

"You mean there _is_ hope for him?" Shippou asked in faked surprise. Miroku twitched, then turned to face Shippou, moving his staff quickly to whack the little guy on the head. Shippou let out a yelp of, "Eek!", then jumped behind Kagome, who sighed and put her hand to her head. It was going to be a long afternoon if we had to restrain Inuyasha, Shippou _and_ Miroku every five minutes.

* * *

Later that night, we settled down back at the inn. It had been a relatively peaceful afternoon (minus the fighting and arguing) for most of us, and for once my muscles weren't aching from fighting demons all day. It would have been nice to have a chat with Kagome-chan in the hot springs, but then again, there was nothing else to keep Miroku occupied from trying to peek in on us. Kami only knows how many whacks that houshi can take until he learns or his brain is permanently damaged. I never hit him that hard, anyway. Well, most of the time, that is. Sometimes, when I lost my temper with Hiraikotsu in my grasp, he would usually be knocked unconscious, only to try and grope me no more than 10 minutes later. 

We had stood in the hallway for a few minutes, debating who would sleep in the same rooms together. As usual, Inuyasha and Kagome took a room together along with Shippou. Inuyasha refused to be separated from Kagome (even if he didn't state it like that), saying that he should stay with her again in case there was danger around.

"Maybe he wants to make sure Houshi-sama doesn't touch her again," I said, just quiet enough so that the other members of our group would hear. Both the hanyou and monk turned a nice shade of red. Kagome blushed faintly and looked away, avoiding my gaze and Inuyasha's.

"The only danger is Miroku," Shippou said firmly, and I laughed. Miroku looked directly at me, a look of faint amazement in his eyes. It was my turn to blush and look away, except that now the others were taking turns to stare at him, then me.

"Well, maybe we should get some sleep," Kagome said a bit hastily, grabbing Inuyasha's sleeve and forcing him to head into the room just down the hall from ours. He shot her a sulky look but allowed himself to be pushed into the room, accompanied with Shippou and the sound of a closing door.

I followed Miroku into the room and took my sleeping robes from on top of the bed, preparing to get undressed. "Alright, this time, you're leaving the room while I get undressed. You're not staying in here, and I don't want to leave to get changed." I turned around to find him gazing at me, and I blushed faintly, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"What?"

"I like the sound of your laugh, that's all," he said, not sounding blunt. "I like it when you're happy, Sango."

I looked at him, the blush thankfully fading. "What? You like… the sound… of - of my laugh?" I repeated slowly, expressing confusion. What did he mean by that?

"It's just that you're not usually a happy, carefree person, Sango," he explained, coming closer to me. "I can understand why you're not… but I like to see you happy once in a while."

"Houshi-sama? I… " My throat was starting to feel dry at the closeness and I had to resist the urge to look away.

Now his hands were on my shoulders. "Do you remember what I told you that day when you thought I was dying after I sucked in the poison from the Saimyoushou so you could go after your brother?"

"Yes… to smile," I recited, picturing his face when he was sick or weakened from the poison.

His voice was lower as he tilted my chin upwards to meet his. "I don't want you to be upset all the time, Sango. I don't want to see you in pain. I want you to be happy." I didn't get a chance to reply as his mouth covered mine, his lips soft against mine. The robes were forgotten as he held me closer, his fingers sliding up the back of my neck to tangle through my hair. I melted into him, wanting more of his touch. I put my arms around his neck, wanting to feel more of his body against mine, so warm and comfy. My pulse had quickened from the sensation of being kissed by him, as well as my breathing. That is, if I _was_ still breathing…

Suddenly, he broke it, looking a bit embarrassed at his actions. "Kami, Sango. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." He met my gaze, then looked away.

"No, it's okay," I reassured him, giving him a shy smile. "I didn't mind." I really did enjoy every moment of it, but there was no way I would actually admit it out loud. Besides, I didn't want to give him any other ideas, as most of the things he considered to be "close" usually turned out to be perverted. "But I think we should really get some sleep -" He grinned as my gaze went to the robes and I picked them up again, whacking him across the chest with them. "- you pervert! We're _not_ doing anything! Your idea of sleeping and mine are two totally different things, so get your head out of the gutter, Miroku!"

He continued to grin and sat down on the bed. "Oh, I know. So, are you going to get undressed?"

I sent him a death glare. "With you in the room?" I shot back. "Not in the same room as you, and certainly not in front of you!"

"We don't have to get undressed to get in bed together, you know."

"Oh yeah? And how would you know any details regarding that kind of situation, eh Houshi-sama?"

"I don't. At least, not any of the _deeper_ ones, my dear Sango. But I could teach you what I _do_ know."

"_HENTAI_!"

* * *

It was much later, perhaps during the middle of the night, that I woke up. I sat up, staring across the bed to look at the wall, but not really seeing it. The blurriness and dizziness that had had its momentary little spell on me earlier, whatever it was, was back. Without meaning to, I got up and slowly headed out of the room, almost like in a daze. I couldn't stop myself; it was like my body would not listen to the commands I gave it. It felt like something was trying to take control of my body, but hadn't quite succeeded. I could move, but not much, and my resistance to whatever was trying to take full control was weakened considerably. I didn't understand how this had happened. There was no demon around, how would it have entered my body? And why was I still able to think of my own free will? I wished Miroku would wake up and try to prevent me from leaving. Unfortunately, he was still asleep, the movement of the blankets moving up and down ever so slight as he breathed in and out. Whatever I was about to do… I knew I wouldn't like it. 

I headed down the hall and stopped in front of a small door, looking at it. My hand slowly reached for the doorknob and turned it to open the door a crack. I looked through, or rather, the thing that was trying to control me was, made me look through the crack. I could just make out a tiny body huddled under the covers. Quietly I moved forward, entering the room. A realization struck me as I moved across the room like a living, breathing shadow.

_This is Kirishi's room. The little girl Kagome-chan and I talked to earlier! What am I doing in here?_

I stood by the side of her bed. For a moment, the control placed upon my body seemed to weaken as I took in the features of her innocent, sweet face. Her hair, not tied back in the ponytail, flowed smoothly over her shoulder, half of her body facing upwards almost at an angle, part of it facing sideways. Her soft, relaxed breathing sounded rhythmic. Obviously she was dreaming; a faint smile played at the corners of her mouth.

I tried to move, to walk away, but the control regained itself before I had a chance to actually move away from the bed. It forced me on top of the bed to a spot where I wouldn't wake her up by accidentally sitting on her legs. The creature now had almost full control of me as my hands grabbed a nearby pillow. By this time, I knew what it was planning and I was going to fight it with all my strength.

_No! I am not doing this!_

The fluffy, yet deadly material was stuffed roughly against her mouth so her screams were muffled. She frowned and tried to move her face from the object suffocating her, and made a sleepy noise of protest. Her eyes started to open a bit in alarm, the drowsiness fading quickly as she realized what was happening to her was, in fact, not in her dream.

_Stop it! I don't want to do this! Why are you doing this to me?_

To my horror, a soft voice replied in my mind. It was low, and sounded inhuman, like two or three different voices talking at once using tones of insanity. It was barely more than a whispered threat, but I heard it clearly, and it seemed to freeze the blood in my veins because I knew it was a lethal thing. A creature, unlike any other the group had fought before.

_**Quiet, human. **_

_No! I want to know why you're doing this! You're going to hurt her - through me?_

_**Of course. That is the only good way to spill blood, human. **_

It knew. It knew I was a taijiya.

_**I know a lot of things about you. I know each of the members of the group that you travel with. Inuyasha, Kagome, Shippou, and Miroku. I know that you would do anything to save their lives. So unless you want me to force you back to the room with the monk, I suggest you keep quiet and let me do my work. **_

I felt my wrist flick, the secret dagger popping out and flashing in the dim room just as Kirishi focused her gaze, any trace of sleepiness gone. However, the pillow blocked any sounds out, so like the _thing_ had predicted, she was unable to scream for help. Any movement was restricted by my hand holding her arm down and my body sitting on top of hers. Her eyes widened in pure terror as she saw the knife flash, hovering inches above the skin on her neck.

_No. You're not going to do this! I won't let you! Stop trying to force me to do this! _

My anger, and the fact that I was about to do something so terrible as this, gave me the strength to fight back. My wrist shook for a moment, my grip tightening around the handle as I fought it. My entire body was bracing itself against the struggle.

_**What makes killing a human any different from all the demons you have killed?**_

_She is only a child! A human being actually has emotions and the ability to love. The demons don't have anything - they are pure evil. _

_**You are still spilling blood. A demon is still a creature, even if it is considered an evil one. It still has a right to live because it does not know killing is wrong. Killing is all it knows.**_

_You're a demon! Demons don't have the right to live! Demons are pure evil! Evil is wrong simply by being itself! So why are you taking control of me? _

_**Because you slay demons. Your friends will never know that I am inside of you. They won't be able to tell the difference. If you tell them - I will make sure to kill them in their sleep, and they will never know it wasn't you.**_

_Bastard._

That was the only insult that could describe what I was feeling; immense anger and hatred against it. The creature was trying to force the blade downward, into the girl's chest, but it wasn't working. I couldn't let it take Kirishi-san's life. I just couldn't. She was only a little girl…

_You are despicable. Why do you enjoy killing so much? **Who **are you!_

_**Am I? I live off the blood of humans. I am just trying to keep myself alive… is that so wrong? **_

_It is when you have to kill another for your own selfish reasons, especially when you have to take the life of a human to do it. _

_**Be quiet, and let me finish my job. You are only human, so you wouldn't understand. **_

_I don't want to understand the mind of something that enjoys killing others! Get out of my mind!_

The hatred of the _thing_ made it exceptionally stronger for a few minutes, so I had no choice but to watch as the knife slit the girl's throat, blood spilling down the sides of her throat to stain the sheets. As I cut through other various parts of her body, my hand shook, partly due to fear of what I was doing, and partly from my weak attempts at resistance.

When I was done, her eyes stared lifelessly at the ceiling and an increasing pool of blood was gathering behind her limp body. Her blood was on my hands.

Now I had full control of my body, but what could I do? Wash all the blood off? I could wash it off, but I would never get the feel of it off of my skin. It would be a constant reminder of what I had done. Now I knew how Inuyasha felt that time when he slew all the soldiers, their blood all over his claws.

I took a step towards the door, then I ran into the hall. And stopped dead in my tracks. Miroku and Inuyasha stood there, their faces wearing similar looks of confusion and perhaps slight suspicions as their gazes travelled downwards.

Then I realized that the knife attached to my wrist was still out.

**I realize that this chapter took much longer than a week or two to get out… but between reading updated fanfics, working on my summatives and other music stuff in my so-called "real" life, and also not having much free time other than my online hour, I haven't had very many chances to type this out. So, seeing as I have two huge summatives to get out of the way and a piano festival and an exam, the next chapters will take a long while… possibly one chapter for every 3 weeks, or even later. It all depends on how much schoolwork I get done. The next chapter isn't even completely finished yet… ;**


	5. Depth of Innocence

**Sorry that this chapter took so long to get out. My computer was running out of memory, so we bought some more, but it wasn't compatible with the system. Then we tried putting the old memory back in, and it didn't work. So I was computer-less for about a week… however, I do have the next chapter completely ready in terms of rough draft (it's amazing how much you can write out without having a computer!), and I shall get started on that once I'm done posting this. Enjoy! **

**Blusorami: **Yep… Hmmm… what are Miroku and Inuyasha going to do:looks thoughtful: I have some things in mind. I guess you'll find out during this chapter, won't you? Uh… the word "soon" cannot really be used when writing out this story simply because I have schoolwork to do, plus it takes considerable time to do a well thought-out plot, which I'm still working on as I go.

**AddictedtoInuyasha: **Oh, no. I couldn't do something _nice_ like that… this adds a bit more of a twist. I'm just a bit manipulative when it comes to the characters, especially Sango.

**gypsymuse:** Really? I thought that the whole dream thing might be a bit repetitive, since this is not the first time it's been done. You think -my- romantic bits are fluffy:laughs: This is nothing… you should read the PoF's fanfics. However, I'm still practicing my fluffiness "levels" while writing out this fanfic, so… yeah.

**Xxxroxyxxx: **Yes, of course. I love putting down cliffies, however there won't always be a cliff hanger for each chapter.

**YoukaiTaijiyaSango:** Thanks!

**Ninalee-chan: **I'm working on it… cliffies are evil, aren't they?

I had a feeling, that when Inuyasha came into my room, shaking me awake and hissing something about the strong smell of blood, that something was wrong. And it involved Sango, because when I sat up and looked over, still trying to clear my head from sleep, she was not there. Inuyasha told me that he had not bothered to wake Kagome or Shippou. He didn't want either of them to panic, and besides, Shippou was still just a kid.

We went out into the hallway, heading in the direction where the smell was coming from. Just as we approached one of the last doors on the end, Sango stepped out of it. All three of us froze instantly. Inuyasha's eyes widened in shock and disgust as he stepped backwards just a bit. The smell must have been too overpowering for him, especially human blood. Any questions I was about to ask her died in my throat as I took in her appearance.

Her face looked slightly sweaty, as if she had been in a battle, and her hands were covered in blood. Her gaze was barely able to meet mine as she lowered it to the ground. I started to panic, thinking she might have gotten hurt, but then realized that we all would have heard some sort of commotion, especially if it had been a youkai. Certain areas on her robes were stained a deep crimson, and as I examined her, I noticed that the knife protruding from her wrist was at her side, also covered in blood. Drops fell steadily, hitting the floor. Something was not right.

Inuyasha was the first to react. He walked swiftly over to her and grabbed her shoulders. "Sango, what the hell happened here?" he snarled, breaking the silence between all of us. She didn't answer or look at him, but remained almost as still as she had been when she saw us coming down the hallway, her head lowering more so that her bangs obscured her face.

I opened my mouth to tell him to back off a bit, to leave her alone for the moment. I assumed that something horrible had happened, but I could never have imagined what Inuyasha described. The hanyou caught a glimpse by craning his neck slightly to look behind the door, and an fairly loud curse came from his mouth, though when he spoke, he did not sound angry.

"Miroku, the little girl from earlier -" He paused, the disgusted expression in his face becoming more apparent as he angled his head a bit so I could just see the warning and anger in his eyes. He let go of the taijiya's shoulders and moved to the front of the door past her. "- she's dead. Her stomach's been ripped out, there's a bloody mess all over," he reported, keeping his voice low. I chanced a quick glance at Sango; her head was still lowered but her body had stiffened at his words. Did she have anything to do with this?

I headed over to check it out, but he swung an arm in front of me just as I caught a glimpse of the stained sheets, but nothing more. "No, I think you'd better check up on Sango." I was startled at the compassion in the words, but knew what he meant. If something had happened earlier to her… I turned around to ask her if she was alright, but she wasn't there. However, I had a feeling I knew where she had went, and it wasn't long before I found her.

* * *

She was kneeling by a river, her hands in the water. It was gradually turning from a light pinkish colour to a faint red. I sat down next to her. She was perfectly still, save for the movement of leaning over to get all the blood off. There were no tears in her eyes, yet I had a feeling she was only acting this way to try and cover up whatever pain she was in. 

"Sango," I began very quietly. She seemed to be in a very fragile state, and shouting at her would not be the best way to find anything out. "What happened?"

"I killed her," she whispered, now rubbing her hands in a methodical motion. "Now… now I can't get the blood off…"

"What do you mean?" I asked, almost fearing her answer.

She still hadn't turned to face me, but her hands stilled like her body and her voice had a slightly cutting tone to it, almost as if she was trying to act _casual_ about it. "Didn't you see back in that room." It sounded more like a flat statement than a question.

"No, and I don't want to." I reached in the now dark red water and took her wet hands in mine. Tiny drops of water mixed with blood slowly dripped from her wrists back into the water, each drop echoing in the silence.

"You should have," she said in a low voice. It seemed she wanted me to accuse her, but I wouldn't. I would not accuse her or anything; only calm her and assure her it was not her fault.

"No, Sango. It wasn't your fault. You could never do something like that," I said. "Even if it did happen, I'm sure you didn't -" I paused, not wanting to hurt her more than she was already hurting, but I couldn't help mention the unwanted possibility that came to my mind. "- you didn't mean to."

Wrong choice of words. She pulled her hands away from mine, allowed her hair to obscure her face as she dropped her gaze back to the ground, shifting her hands back into the water. Her body had started shaking, just a little bit.

"Sango…" I only wanted to understand what had happened. I must admit that while Sango would kill a demon to save a village, no matter how weak the demon could be, she would _never_ kill an innocent or help someone else kill an innocent to save a village, least of all a child.

She started washing her hands again in the same methodical motion, lowering her head even more as she half-heartedly dried them on her yukata. "Please… leave me alone."

I put my arm around her shoulders and she flinched, cringing slightly. "It's alright. I'm sorry for what I said. I'm not going to leave you, Sango," I told her firmly.

She held up her wrist with the blade still sticking out. "You see this?" she said very quietly, her voice cracking as she turned to face me, part of her face still shadowed. The knife still had spots of blood on it, staining the top end of it. "I used this, Miroku. I have this hidden in my sleeve for when I have to save my own life situation… but I never realized it could be used in the sense of ending another life. I never imagined I would have the ability to do something like that."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what had happened obviously only minutes ago, and she was too distraught to tell me. What she did tell me did not make any sense. But then again, she wasn't exactly in her normal state of mind, and I couldn't blame her for that. As I opened my mouth to tell that to her again, to offer her some sort of reassurance, a concerned voice cut me off.

"Sango-chan!" Footsteps sounded behind us. It was Kagome-sama. She ran up to us, looking mainly at me. "What happened? I woke up from all the commotion…" She opened her mouth to ask another question, then the sound died in her throat as she noticed the stained river. "Sango-chan?"

Sango did not show any reaction to her name, nor did she turn around. I could not explain anything in words - I would have to show Kagome-sama the awful sight. I stood up and led her back into the inn, back to Kirishi-san's room.

Kagome froze at the sight of the girl. "What happened?" she asked a number of times, no one able to answer her right away. She kept glancing down the hall in the direction that the taijiya was.

Inuyasha had been cleaning up the blood and gore, at the same covering up the body with a clean blanket, bundling it up to prepare it for any sort of burial the villagers would want to give it. He tried not to show any emotion, but there was a slight frown in his expression. Then again, the smell of blood must have over-filled his sense. "Don't know," he answered roughly as he finished cleaning it all up. "This room is going to start smelling like dry blood soon. The smell actually woke me up earlier, so I went to wake up Miroku." He laughed dryly as Kagome took a step backwards, slight fear in her eyes. "Miroku just had to tell me he had a feeling that something was wrong, so we went to investigate. Sango was covered in blood," he growled, then gave me a questioning look. "Did you get any information out of her, Miroku?" I shook my head.

Kagome looked at him, then at me as she asked her next question. "Inuyasha, do you know what happened?"

"Obviously not," he said. "But I'm willing to guess that Sango had something to do with it."

"Shut up!" I snapped at him. "You have no idea…"

"So, did she?" he asked, turning to look at me, the blanket covering Kirishi's face

"She _was_ washing blood off her hands," Kagome stated quietly.

Inuyasha and I both stared at her as she said that statement. It was true; Sango had been washing blood off her hands, but it might not have been any of the reasons we thought it was for, and Kagome had no right to assume anything of the obvious just because the evidence _seemed_ to support it.

For Kami's sake, she was practically accusing her best friend of murder! I raised my hand as if to slap her, and Kagome turned her fearful gaze in my direction, faltering and taking a step back. Inuyasha's hand caught my wrist, applying a painful amount of pressure. His voice was a dangerous growl.

"Touch her, bouzou, and I'll break your wrist, right here and now."

Kagome's voice trembled slightly. "Inuyasha…"

"It doesn't mean she did anything!" I defended angrily, glaring at her. Turning around, I managed to jerk my wrist out of Inuyasha's grasp and headed outside.

* * *

She was still sitting there, scrubbing her hands in the water. The blade had been clicked back into her wrist. A look of intense concentration was on her face. I went over and knelt beside her, pulling her hands out of the water. They were almost raw from being scrubbed so roughly together, and I hadn't taken her hands in mine, she would have rubbed the skin off. 

"Sango," I said, looking at her. She was looking down at the ground. "I know it wasn't your fault." Her lip trembling as she looked back up at me, she attempted to find some reason why she should be feeling this way; why she should let herself feel guilty.

"I'm - I'm sor -" But I silenced her by putting my finger on her lips.

"No, Sango. You don't need to apologize," I told her. She started to open her mouth to argue, then what little composure she had she lost, dissolving into tears on my lap. I stroked her hair and her back, trying to calm her. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

"No," she whispered, her tears sliding off of her face and dampening the material of my robes. "That girl - Kirishi-san, she was Hiromi's daughter, Miroku!" Sango's voice broke as her fists clenched.

I let her cry for a little while, just holding her lightly. After a bit, her crying ceased. I stood up, taking her hand and helping her up as she leaned against me, her head resting against my shoulder and my arms wrapped securely around her. She was quiet, her breaths still a bit shaky as she held onto me.

"It's okay," I told her again. She remained silent but allowed me to take her back to our room. We entered it and she sat down on the bed, leaning back against the headrest.

I sat down next to her, noticing the way she stared unseeingly at the blankets, the way her bangs almost hid her eyes from view. Her hands were still dirty from the outside, and a bit raw from all the rough washing. I looked at her closely. "Sango, I'm going to get a clean cloth and -" I paused, not wanting to say anything that sounded accusatory. "- wash your hands again. The river didn't… well, it didn't do a good job."

She raised her hands, palms up, to her face. The faintest smile appeared on her face, and it chilled me. "Now I know how it feels," she said, no emotion in her voice. I doubted her statement was meant for me, but I had a funny feeling about it.

"Now you know what 'what' feels like?" I asked. She didn't answer, but kept staring down at the blankets, putting her hands back down. "Sango? What are you talking about?" When I received no answer from her again, I went to the bathroom, found a clean cloth, and after rinsing it, made my way back over to the bed.

I came back in and she was lying back on the bed, her eyes closed and her breathing steady. I thought she was sleeping until she opened her eyes partway, looking tired. I sat down next to her and began gently wiping her hands, the cloth absorbing the pinkish tint.

"Dothey think I did it?" she asked, not looking at me.

"To be honest, I don't know," I answered. "Kagome-sama is still worried about you and Inuyasha doesn't know what to think. Neither do I. You haven't told us anything, Sango," I continued, noticing that her gaze slowly travelled upwards to meet mine. "All we saw was you coming out of the room in a mess, the girl's body, and you washing your hands at the river. There was no demon aura around, at least none that Inuyasha could detect, and there were no rumours of a demon around. So… unless you know something…?"

She shook her head and looked away. "No."

But I had a feeling that she was hiding something from me. If she didn't trust me, that was one thing, but what if…

What if she wasn't telling me because she knew that it was too dangerous?

* * *

The next morning we prepared to leave. Kirishi's death was not unnoticed by many of the villagers. A lot of them thought Inuyasha was the cause of it all, even though Sango refused to meet eye contact with any of them. Her silence was simply assumed as "compassion" towards the death of a child. 

We were in the middle of eating breakfast when Hiromi entered. She looked tired and she looked like she had been crying for hours; her eyes were red-rimmed. When she spoke, it was like someone else was telling her what to say; she didn't seem like the healthy, happy woman who had greeted us so politely barely a day and a half ago. "I'm afraid you will have to leave as soon as you are done eating. My people do not want… your type around any longer." She looked at Inuyasha, who had set his bowl down and was growling at the unintended insult.

"You say that again and next time I _will_ be the one to kill -"

"_Inuyasha_!" Kagome scolded in a panicked voice, tugging at his sleeve.

Surprisingly, Hiromi didn't seem fazed by his threat.

Meanwhile, Sango had set down her own bowl and was staring down at the floor. I moved over to put my hand on her shoulder, perhaps to offer some sort of reassurance, but she shifted away, not looking up at anyone even as Hiromi called her name.

"Sango-san, could I talk to you for a moment?"

She nodded, the movement barely perceptible. The two women left the room for a moment, closing the door.

A few minutes later, Hiromi returned, but Sango wasn't with her. Kagome looked worried, and Inuyasha and Shippou exchanged glances. I was the first one to speak up. "Where's Sango?"

Hiromi fidgeted with her hands, not looking at any of us. "After I asked her about - about Kirishi-san -" Her voice shook at the name of her daughter, and for a moment I thought she wasn't going to continue. "- she left. Didn't say anything about where she was going. Why?" She looked directly at me as I stood up.

"Because I have to talk to her," I answered, brushing past her. The others stared at my abrupt exit, but no one said anything.

It didn't take me long to find her. She was standing in front of a cherry blossom tree, her hair gently being blown by the breeze, a few strands of hair moving freely across her face. Her hands were clasped almost in a praying position, her eyes closed. They opened when I approached her from behind. She remained silent, not moving as the sakura petals floated down into her hair, making her look more innocent in her beauty than any other women I had seen before, but I knew it was only the appearance. It was likely contrary to what she was feeling inside.

"Sango… are you alright?"

After a moment of silence, she finally spoke as I wrapped my arms around her waist in a comforting gesture. My chin was on her shoulder, but just at the edge.

"I never knew guilt could feel like this," she said, moving one of her hands down to cover mine. It was her way of letting me know my presence was appreciated. "I always thought you could be forgiven, no matter what."

So she knew something had happened, but had she been a part of it? "Sango, why did -"

"That girl, Kirishi-san - she suffered so much pain. She didn't even have a chance to live."

"Sango, how could -"

"She was only a child. She barely had a chance to see the world before it was taken from her."

I tried to cut in. "But it wasn't -"

"It was my fault, Miroku. All of it." She turned around as I moved my hands upwards, just below her shoulders. There were faint tears in her eyes as she looked at me. "A little girl died. A boy lost his sister because of me. I was too weak. I barely raised a hand against it." She quickly covered her mouth and looked away.

"You were too weak against… it? You barely fought what?" I asked, trying not to sound pressuring. Why did I have this feeling that there was more going on than what we had seen?

"I'm weak, that's all," she said, not looking at me. "You think I'm strong, but I'm not. I was ready to give up when Kohaku came, after he was ordered to kill Kagome-chan. I was going to kill myself," she admitted, looking down at the ground. Her voice lowered. "I'm not strong at all. I let it happen."

I moved in front of her and took her hands in mine, causing her to look at me. "Do you trust me?"

It was such a simple question, but to both of us, it meant something other than pain, tears and death. She looked back at me, the sunlight making her hair shine. A tear ran down her cheek and I knew it was more than any physical pain at work. Something else was hurting her, and I hated it for doing this. I hated the fact that I didn't know what it was that was hurting her, and I also hated the fact that she was deliberately refusing to tell me, and I didn't know why.

She knew I would risk anything to help her… sometimes risking too much just to see that she was safe or uninjured, and it nearly caused my death several times.

"Sango," I repeated, being completely sincere. "If there is anything wrong, you can tell me. I will not abuse your trust." I wiped away the tear, pulling her against me, and she resisted.

"What if I told you there was nothing wrong?" she said. She was silently challenging me, and I accepted it.

"Then you would be lying. I know you are hiding something… I can tell by the look in your eyes. Please, tell me."

She pulled herself out of my grasp. "You know me too well, Houshi-sama," she said quietly, a faint smile softening the troubled expression on her face. "Some things are better left unsaid."

What did she mean by that? Why did she have to be so secretive about everything all of a sudden? _Why couldn't she just tell me? _

She turned around, and I caught her wrist, gentle but firm enough to make her pause. She flicked the hidden blade at my sleeve, ripping the material and causing a thin line of blood to appear as a hostile look came into her eyes. It was almost hatred, but not quite; it looked like she was extremely angry about something, but the anger wasn't directed at me.

I didn't jerk my wrist back out of harm's reach, but my body tensed as if instinctively preparing for a fight of some sort. "Sango, what are you doing?"

She yanked her wrist out of my grasp, raising the blade on her other arm as a silent warning. It was like she didn't recognize me.

"Sango!" I repeated, slightly alarmed.

Suddenly, she shook her head, lifting the wrist with the blade up to her face as if to examine it. "Miroku, did I…" She looked up, twisting her wrist slightly so that the blade slid back in, her gaze glancing at the cut on my skin, panic filling her features.

"Sango, what happened?" I grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly. She still seemed to be a bit dazed.

"Huh?"

"Sango," I repeated, trying not to sound as alarmed as I felt. "What happened? It was like - it was like you didn't know me."

She pulled herself out of my grasp, a flicker of understanding in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking away. "It won't… happen again."

"That's not what I'm asking you," I said, more of my patience wearing away. "Why did you… change like that?"

She shook her head, unconsciously biting her lip. In nervousness, I guess. "I… I don't know." I could tell she was lying because she wouldn't meet my gaze.

_Why won't you let me help you? I can't heal your pain if you don't tell me what's hurting you. _

I sighed, accepting the fact that if she was even planning on telling me, she would do it when she was ready to. Until then, I would continue to support her as best as I could. Somehow I don't think that was enough.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked suddenly, breaking the few moments of awkward silence between us. Concern was hidden in her voice behind the fear.

"No," I said quickly, trying to reassure her.

She reached out to touch the cut on my wrist, her fingers trembling. Maybe I was not supposed to hear what she said, but I caught a few audible whispered words.

"It's getting stronger."

Just as I opened my mouth to ask her what _it_ was, what she was talking about, Inuyasha and Kagome interrupted us.

"Miroku, you coming?" Inuyasha hollered.

"Sango-chan, we need to get going," Kagome called.

She looked at me for a moment longer, then turned to join them. After another moment, wondering why Sango felt she had to hide things from me, I headed over to them. Obviously Inuyasha felt that we should not waste any more time getting ready to leave.

* * *

For the first time in months during our travels, our group had switched places. Inuyasha was in front of Kagome and Shippou, and he motioned for me to walk by him. Kagome forced a smile as she waved back at Hiromi-san and Shippou followed, Sango walking with them behind Inuyasha and I. The atmosphere that surrounded us was filled with tension, and none of us spoke until we were well out of sight from the village. 

The sky was a bright blue colour, a gentle breeze passing by every now and then. It would have been very peaceful if the situation wasn't so tense. The hanyou waited until we were separated from the girls and Shippou by at least a few feet so we were out of hearing range, then he leaned over.

"So," he began in a low voice. "Have you noticed Sango's odd behaviour? She seems to want to keep to herself even more ever since that little girl's death."

"Yeah. She won't tell me anything."

The hanyou snorted. "I wonder why. You're such a pervert, Miroku."

"True." I decided to let the insult slide. "But it's almost like she's afraid of being near me at times. I don't mean because of my hands, I mean that she really does seem to be scared of _me_, not what I'll do." I fully expected him to retort a comment about my lecherous abilities, but he didn't.

"Think about what happened. She practically murdered -"

"_Shhhh_!" I hissed, trying to glance back at the others without them noticing. Kagome was talking to Sango in a low voice, concern evident, and the taijiya kept staring at the ground, few words leaving her mouth. "I think you're right, that something's going on. But until she is willing to tell us… we have to respect that fact."

Inuyasha turned to look at me. "You know," he said slowly, with just a touch of rare gentleness, "I bet you and her would get along really well if you weren't such a lech."

That statement both filled me with happiness and stung with the realization of what it really meant.

Did _Inuyasha_ of all people just say that a relationship between Sango and me was possible?

"Sango are you sure you're okay?" Kagome asked her friend.

"I'm fine." The older woman didn't look up.

"Are you sure? You've been quiet ever since - ever since last night," Kagome continued, careful to watch the taijiya's reaction, or rather, non-reaction.

"I know."

"Inuyasha told me about it last night, after Miroku-sama left to find you."

Sango froze and when we looked back at her, she was glaring at Inuyasha, which shocked him. "Just because I tell Kagome-chan a lot of things doesn't mean I wanted her to know about _this_!" She stormed past us, not bothering to look at us.

I caught up to her, but she still refused to look at me. "I don't want everyone to know about it! And I _don't_ need sympathy! So stop bothering me about it!" As angry as she tried to sound, I knew that the only reason she yelled at us was to hide her guilt. The rest of the way was silent.

We stopped for lunch, settling down to eat some ramen Kagome had brought. None of us had much of an appetite except for Inuyasha, so he prepared his own bowl. Kagome was snacking on some chips, and Shippou was licking a lollipop, one of Kagome's treats from the future.

Sango excused herself, and Kagome and I gave her looks of concern, although she pretended not to notice. "Come on, Kirara," she said softly, and the neko lightly jumped up from her curled position to follow her mistress. She walked out of sight, talking to the cat, and disappearing from our view.

I exchanged another look with Kagome. "I'll go check on her," I offered, and she nodded in understanding.

* * *

I headed off in the direction Sango had taken. A few minutes passed and I found her, sitting on a grassy hill with Kirara, telling her some things I bet she wouldn't have said if she knew I was listening. After all, Sango's closest confidante was Kirara, of course, so the neko did get to listen to a lot more secrets about her than I would ever know. 

" - shouldn't tell the others, but I can't hide it forever. They'll notice if I'm acting strange and that one time, when I was forced to hurt Houshi-sama… I couldn't remember doing it - I think it's starting to take control of my mind as well. I think he's angry with me…" Her voice lowered more, so that I barely caught her next words. "… I'm so scared… I don't want to hurt the others, but what if it gets too strong?"

The cat mewed and snuggled closer to the taijiya. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "I don't know how I can even fight it…"

So she had been in the possession of a demon. Somehow that didn't surprise me in the least. I knew she had been hiding some sort of secret from me, I just didn't know what it was. Well, I still didn't _really_ know what kind of demon it was, but now I knew why she seemed even more quiet and withdrawn than usual. That explained a considerable amount. I chose that moment to reveal myself, and she stood up quickly.

"Did you - were you listening?" she demanded, Kirara scurrying away from her mistress back to the lunch area. The cat had no reason to; Sango would never take out her anger on her closest companion, but I guess Kirara sensed that we needed to talk.

"Not for very long. Honest, Sango," I said quickly, not wanting her temper to build up any more than it was already. "I only heard you tell Kirara that someone was trying to control you. That's all."

She was flustered. "You - you -" she spluttered, unable to think of a remark to send back at me for eavesdropping. "Damn it, why can't you listen! I wanted to be alone."

"You never told you wanted to be alone," I said, closing the distance between us. She backed away, making me feel like I was cornering her.

"Could you tell?" she shot back. "No, of course you didn't," she said almost harshly, continuing before I even had a chance to answer, "because you've always been unobservant about my feelings!"

That hurt just a little bit. I _had_ noticed her feelings, how quiet and upset she seemed to be lately.

"Sango…" Other than denying her lack of faith in my considerations about her feelings and emotions, I didn't know what exactly I should have said to that, but she asked another question, saving me the trouble of having to think or something to say.

"Why _did_ you follow me?" she said softly, turning and sitting down, staring into the distance.

"I was worried about you," I said. "Ever since last night… I can understand that you would be feeling this way, but -" I sat down next to her. "- I'm still worried. I understand it is not something you can just ignore, but I'll be here if you need me."

She looked at me, then put her arms around my waist, holding close and resting her head against my shoulder. "I know. Thank you." I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I'm… I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't mean to snap. It's just… with everything lately, I… I don't…"

"It's okay."

After another peaceful moment of silence, I stood up. "We should head back or Kagome-sama and Inuyasha will start asking questions." I held out my hand to help her up, and she complied, rising to lean against me, her eyes partially closed.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded. "Just tired. I didn't get much sleep last night." I didn't push the subject, and we headed back to the others.

Thankfully though, most of the afternoon was uneventful, save for a few arguments about the jewel shards between the hanyou and miko.

Sango laughed or smiled when Inuyasha got slammed into the ground as the result of Kagome-sama's temper (sometimes arguing with a stubborn-minded hanyou just didn't get us anywhere), but I could tell it was forced. She had other things on her mind, and I couldn't blame her for feeling this way. Shippou just looked bored with the whole thing, but he did seem to notice Sango's fake laughter and smiles, and from time to time he glanced at her, concern obvious in his gaze, but he didn't say anything about it in case she wasn't willing to talk, and Kagome was busy scolding Inuyasha for his bad manners and lack of patience for the shards.

* * *

When early evening came, it was starting to rain, so we looked around for a shelter of some sort to stay the night. I suggested that we find an inn to settle at and the others agreed, although Inuyasha frowned, as if he thought I was thinking about a variety of ways to "steal" us a room. Sango looked a bit apprehensive. I would do no such thing… at least not while the mood in the group was so sullen. The only person in a relatively good enough mood to at least smile half the time was Shippou, and that was because he was only a kid. Even Kagome-sama didn't seem her usual self, but it was probably due to concern and curiosity about the taijiya's lack of enthusiasm about anything. 

We did find a village not too far off. The rain was starting to really come down. Kagome did not look too happy even at the prospect of being under shelter; then again, she was wearing her usual school outfit, which didn't provide her skin with too much coverage from the rain, so Inuyasha wrapped his haori around her. Kagome was shivering, but she sent a tentative smile in the hanyou's direction; he made a noise that clearly meant he was trying to show he didn't really care about her well-being, but he looked away, his cheeks taking on the slightest hue of red.

Entering the place, we immediately noticed how quiet everything was. Everyone was inside, but it was still filled with an eerie quiet. Then a woman came running out, putting a hand over her eyes so she could see through the increasing downpour of rain.

"Who are you?" she called, hurrying to us.

"I'm Kagome," the miko introduced us quickly, still shivering but maintaining her polite attitude. She motioned with her head to each of us. "That is Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, and Shippou."

The woman nodded. She looked young in general; her eyes were a dark blue and her hair was tied up in a bun at the back. She was wearing a light blue kimono with silver designs. "Please, follow me. This weather is not suitable for travelling conditions."

We followed her into a hut bordering the village. She led us into confines of the hut. It was lit by a few large candles, making some nearby trees cast creepy shadows on the sides. We gathered around her at a small table. All of us sat on cushions around her except for Inuyasha; he stood in back of us, glaring down at her in his usual brisk manner. A steady sound of rain hit the sides of the hut and the woman started speaking in a low tone.

"I am so glad you have come. My name is Kaori." Her gaze looked at each of us in turn and stopped at Sango. "I assume you are a demon slayer by your outfit. Am I correct?"

The taijiya nodded, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Good. I need your help in exterminating -"

"Okaa-san!" A kid ran in, his clothes more than a little wet from the pouring rain. He had dark brown eyes, black hair, and the look of an innocent child who has not seen anything other than the village in which he grew up in, still curious to see the extent of the world and what it had to offer to him as a child.

"Reichi!" Kaori said, standing up and drying the boy off with a towel. "What have you been doing in the rain?"

"I came to tell you that another one has disappeared!" the boy replied, a little out of breath from running. So far he hadn't noticed the rest of us in his haste.

"Another? So soon?" Kaori said, looking worried. "Stay here for a minute and greet our guests."

He turned to face us, looking a bit nervous and scared at Inuyasha, managing a shy smile at Kagome, smiling at Shippou simply because the kitsune was cute, giving me a polite smile, but when he reached Sango, he looked even more nervous. The taijiya was staring at him, a wistful look in her eyes. No, she wasn't staring at him, she was staring beyond him, seeing something unattainable through him.

"He," he said at last, his voice gentle with a bit of nervousness.

"Hi," Sango answered, but she sounded like she was elsewhere. Kagome glanced uncertainly at her friend, but said nothing.

Kaori told him to sit down, and he did so, uneasy under Sango's constant gaze. I nudged her and she quickly looked at Kaori, but I could tell that whatever had been on her mind had not left yet and I made a mental note to ask her about it later, although I had a faint idea of what might have been on her mind.

"There have been disappearances of children from this village," Kaori began. "We figured out that it had to be a demon. A lot of people have not seen it, but they have claimed that they have heard it, so we think that there is a possibility it could be an invisible youkai of some sorts. Demons are not too common in this area, nor are they powerful by any means, but they are still a threat to the people that live here, and that is why we seek the help of a demon slayer. We have no fighters in this village, none in any of the closest villages that could be walked to in less than a day, but even if we did, we would not be able to do much. We have not tracked down where it has taken them."

"I'll do it," Sango said, determination coming into her voice.

Inuyasha looked at her. "No, I'll do the job. You don't have the extra senses to track down its scent," he pointed out.

I spoke up and the two of them looked at me. Shippou had become bored of the conversation long ago, and was asking Kagome for more candy. "You can track down the direction of the demon, and Sango and I will head off to destroy it," I suggested.

Apparently Kaori only wanted a demon exterminator to get rid of it. "But you have to be careful… we think it's an invisible demon."

Inwardly I snorted at her narrow-minded thinking. We didn't travel together for nothing. Inuyasha was not the only one who had extended hearing; Sango did too, only her hearing senses weren't as good, as she was only human, but she was still good at detecting certain scents and tracks. Most of the time, anyway. It was just that Inuyasha usually did that part of the job at the villages or in forests.

"I'm a hanyou," Inuyasha said sharply. Kagome looked at him in surprise; he rarely wanted anyone to mention that fact aloud for fear he would be misinterpreted as either a weak orharmful demon, of which he was neither. That usually angered him but I guess he was getting impatient with Kaori's lack of realization of the type of people in our little group. "What?" he barked at her, and now she looked startled. "I figured that I would have to tell Kaori this, otherwise she'd never bother to take notice that our little group has _weapons_. Fighting demons is no problem for any of us, except for Shippou, because he's so weak, and having to fight one that's invisible just makes the fight more interesting."

Kaori looked grateful at our requests to take down the demon, although she didn't comment at the "hanyou" part. Surprising indeed, but none of us pointed it out due to respect for our friend. "Thank you. Reichi, show them to their huts. I'm sure they must be tired."

The boy stood up and headed out of the hut. We followed him to two more huts that were placed across from each other and separated by a dusty path near the end of the village. We could tell there were already candles lit in both of them from the outside. Inuyasha, Kagome and Shippou would take one; Sango and I would take the other. Reichi didn't say anything as he left, but he did bow politely and offer us a genuinely shy smile.

Inuyasha and Kagome went into the hut across from us. I waited until their tent flap closed, knowing that they would be discussing other matters and not bothering to try and "spy" on us. Not that we did anything like _that_!

I turned to Sango, who lay Hiraikotsu on the ground next to her tatami mat and spread out her sleeping bag. She sat down and used a blanket to cover up to her waist.

"Houshi-sama, could you - could you turn around for a few minutes?" she asked tentatively, pulling out some clean robes.

I obeyed. "Aren't you taking a risk by undressing in here?" I asked, lightly teasing her about the rather uncomfortable situation. "Aren't you afraid I'll try and peek?"

"I will trust you this time, as I don't have any other choice," she said, her voice low, and my mood dulled considerably. "Besides, after the events of these past few days… I doubt you would take advantage of this circumstances. You're a monk, anyway, so you should know how to respect a person's dignity, especially at a time when things have to be… as they are."

She remained silent and I could hear the fabric rustling as she took it off and put on the white sleeping robes.

"Sango… do you really trust me or are you just saying all that to get me to respect you about doing something like that?" I questioned.

"Well… I'm not trying to make you do anything," she said quietly. "I just thought… you would have at least enough honour as a monk to respect a woman's privacy. But yes, I do trust you. At least, I try my best to, although you don't always deserve it," she added, and her tone hardened just a bit. Then it softened. "You can turn around now. I have your sleeping robes."

I took them from her and she turned around without having to be asked.

"Sango?"

"Hmmmm?"

"I want you to know something." Actually, I was really just trying to stall for more time while I changed, because I wanted to see her reaction.

"Okay."

I hesitated, dressing quickly and turning around. She had drawn her knees up to her chest and crossed her arms over them. The dim light of the candles lit up the other side of her face. The darkened side that I could see was full of wistfulness and some longing.

"Don't… don't hide from me. If you are upset, I will always be here for you. I know you have not been yourself lately, and back in Kaori-san's hut, you were deep in thought about something, and it was worrying you. I could tell." I moved closer to her, my shoulder lightly brushing hers.

"I'm not _upset_, Houshi-sama,' she said. "I was just thinking about Kohaku, that's all." She looked away. "I'm sorry, it must be tiring for you to deal with… with…"

"No. Your brother is important to you. I know that," I told her firmly, but keeping a reasonable quality of gentleness in my tone. "But don't give up or dismiss my words about Naraku as false hope. We _will_ defeat him, Sango." Slowly I reached for her hand and held it, offering some small support. She blushed very faintly, looking back at me.

"I'm glad you care so much, Miroku," she said. "It's always nice to know that someone cares about your thoughts and feelings. Reichi-kun did remind me of Kohaku. Always shy, polite, willing to help others… trying to act more mature than he really was…" Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes and she reached up to wipe them with her sleeve.

I knew what she was trying to say and I silenced her, putting my arm around her waist. She was thinking about when Kohaku was training to become a taijiya, and I hated it when she was upset. The memories of her brother were hurting her, but it wasn't her fault that he had been used by Naraku to play on her emotions as an older sister. We sat in companionable silence, each thinking our own thoughts. We had a fight to win tomorrow.


	6. Invisible Youkai

**Disclaimer:** :looks bored: I don't own Inuyasha.

**I wasn't planning on posting this chapter for another few days, but I want to post it so badly! **

**I apologize for the frequent conversations between Miroku and Sango. I realize that they are getting quite repetitive, but you have to consider what happened to Sango, and that Miroku is starting to get rather frustrated. As I have replied to alice88thebest below, I am nowhere near the end. I'm not halfway yet, but am getting closer to it. Excuse my lack of creativity with the battle scene. Action is one of my weaker points. :sweat drops:**

**Blusorami: **The things we do when we're obsessed… :pats you on back: I'd never get away with that.

**Alice88thebest: **This story won't end for a long while, my friend.

**YoukaiTaijiyaSango: **It needed to be long to make up for the delay. I meant to post it out about a week ago, but things didn't go as planned. :sighs: Writing long chapters takes time…

**Ninalee-chan: **I still think I could use a lot more practice. Well, Miroku is extremely worried about Sango, so it is only natural that he would defend her like that. Actually, no, but he was starting to get really angry with Kagome. It will get worse…

I woke up in the embrace of Miroku. His arms were around my wrist and I had buried my head in his shoulder. I must have done that while I was asleep because if I was awake, I would never even _think_ about doing something like that! Okay, so maybe I would if I needed some comfort, but he almost always used it as an opportunity to grope me. Besides, I was still a bit sleepy, and he felt so warm…

For a moment, the guilt inside of me diminished and I imagined what things would be like once we finished defeating Naraku. Would Kohaku finally be freed? Would Miroku survive the battle long enough to have a future? Would any of us still be together?

Miroku's eyes opened and he gazed back down at me. "Morning, Sango." His hand started to drift down my back.

I sighed, slapping his hand away and sitting up. "_Please_ don't make me start this routine in the morning."

He sat up as well, looking at me in amazement. "You didn't - you didn't hit me?"

"No, I didn't. I'm really not in the mood to keep your perverted habits at bay," I informed him.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked in fake concern, putting his hand up to test my forehead. I swatted it away, giving him a mock glare.

"I'm fine, Houshi-sama. You really want me to hit you that badly?"

"No, but since you didn't slap me, I thought, well -"

"I didn't slap you because I'm not wide awake yet," I told him. His arms surrounded my waist and he pulled me back down on the mat. "Hey!"

He put an arm around my waist, intent on preventing my escape and causing a blush to heat up my cheeks at our rather intimately suggestive positions. "Stay awhile," he joked. "We don't have to rush."

"Houshi-sama," I protested, moving his arm from my waist. "We have to get going… remember, we have to fight a youkai."

"So?" he pressed, obeying my silent command and putting his arm back on the blanket.

I sighed in slight annoyance, sitting up again. "So we have to eat and get going. After all, Kaori-san did say it was an invisible youkai, so it may be difficult even if Inuyasha is planning on detecting it with his sense of smell."

He stopped me, laying a hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?" he asked, real concern in his voice. "You seem… tense."

"I'm fine," I answered. Miroku looked hurt.

"Sango… do you not trust me ?" he asked softly.

How could I answer that? How could I say it in a way that wouldn't hurt him permanently? "I do, but…" I turned to face him, and his hand reached up to stroke the side of my face. When he spoke, his voice was very low.

"Are you still thinking about Kirishi-san's death?"

"I can't get it out of my mind. How scared she looked, how vulnerable, and there's the fact that she was only six," I admitted, and his expression once again changed to concern. "After I ran out, I felt like I was going to be sick. The only reason I didn't is because… because I didn't want you guys to worry about me."

"Sango…" Although he said my name, I doubt that he knew what he was going to say next.

"Are you feeling better now?" he asked as I took his hand in mine, silently letting him know that I appreciated his concern even if I couldn't tell him that out loud.

"Yeah. At least, somewhat," I said, smiling while trying not to look like it was forced. "I think a fight will give me a chance to work off some of the stress."

"Yeah," he agreed, handing me my taijiya outfit and turning around. I thought I detected a bit of hesitance in his calm tone. "Come on, we should go eat."

* * *

Later, when we had almost finished breakfast with Hiromi-san and Reichi-kun, Inuyasha came back. He didn't seem too hungry and the first words out of his mouth were, "It's a bit north from here", and pointing in the general direction. Instantly we all knew what he was talking about. "There's a huge mountain and the scent came from a bit above. That's probably where all the brats are."

Kagome looked a bit annoyed. "Inuyasha, can't you lay off the attitude for once? Hiromi-san was nice enough to offer us a place to stay with no arguments or debts, and -"

"That's because it was raining," he interrupted her, sitting down next to her and scowling. Even through the grumpy expression he wore, Kagome knew he wanted his usual ramen. She held up the Styrofoam cup with the cooked noodles, and Inuyasha looked up eagerly at it, ready to grab it from her and start gulping them down, but she held it away from his reach, giving him a pretend glare.

"Next time, if you're not polite, I won't let you have it till lunch," she threatened.

Shippou laughed. "Keep dreaming, Kagome-chan. Inuyasha's _never_ polite."

She sighed, reluctantly handing it over to him, an exasperated look decorating her face. "I know, Shippou-chan. Believe me, I know. You can't blame me for bribing him though, can you?" she said, a small smile of amusement curving her lips as she watched the hanyou scarf down his favourite meal.

Miroku got up, announcing that he and I were to head off. I already had Hiraikotsu strapped to my back and Miroku had his shakujou. As I got up, however, Kagome grabbed my wrist and made the gesture for me to lean down. What she said caused a deep blush to spread across my face.

"Have a fun time with Miroku-sama. And be careful, Sango-chan."

Have a _fun_ time? We were going demon slaying! And even if I was going with Houshi-sama, it wasn't like we had a deeper relationship or anything like that. Why would I want a relationship with the perverted monk, anyway?

However, as I exited the hut with Kirara trotting at my side, Miroku not far behind me, a hidden thought entered my mind, one that made me closely examine my relationship with him for the first time in the past few months.

Why did I care so much more about Miroku than anyone else?

* * *

Miroku and I set off. He had a good supply of demon wards in his robes and was armed with his staff. We left the village grounds. If there were any major problems, I had told Inuyasha earlier that I would send Kirara back to get them. Not that there would be. It was just a youkai after all. Okay, so it was invisible. But I wasn't called a _taijiya_ for nothing, and Miroku had his own reliable weapons for fighting. Besides, Miroku and I were a good team, always timing our attacks perfectly. I didn't usually have to worry about the difficulty of the battles.

However, as soon as we were out of sight, Miroku went in front of me, concern once again in his eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked me, his hands on my shoulders.

"Why wouldn't I?"

He stared at me intently. "I don't know. I just thought that, after yesterday, you wouldn't want to be involved in… something like this."

"I'm not fragile Houshi-sama," I said, removing his hands from my shoulders to head past him.

"I know you aren't, but I'm still worried. What if something happens?"

This time, I stopped and turned to face him. "What are you getting at?"

"Sango, if there's a lot of blood…" he started, not making a move to catch up to me. I didn't give him a chance to finished as I felt my temper build up from the pressure.

"So what? Blood doesn't have anything to do with how I am feeling! If you're concerned about me because of that, don't be! I can take care of myself, I don't need sympathy, because all it does is remind me what happened!"

He seemed to freeze, my outburst having its affect on him. Slight anger still inside of me, I turned and continued to walk. However, when he called my name, I stopped, although I didn't face him. He approached me, leaving a few inches of space between us. It felt like I had put an invisible wall between us.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry."

I sighed, trying to calm the tension in my body, finally turning to meet his gaze. "I'm not… angry," I said, noting how sad he seemed. It wasn't his fault that I was acting this way. I was hurting him by doing this even if I was hurting him to spare him the pain of a relationship. "At least, not at you." Before I realized what I was doing, I had laid my head in the space between his neck and shoulder, my hands on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, briefly comforting me. "I don't know why I'm starting to feel so angry all the time, but it's not because of you, Miroku. You… you make me happy just by holding me like this," I admitted shyly. My cheeks were probably heating up, but it was the truth. He did make me feel good just by touching my shoulder or sitting next to me. I felt calmer when I knew he was nearby.

For a moment he was silent. "I'm glad," he said at last, his voice holding a strange tone that I couldn't quite comprehend. "We should spend more time together. Just talking and… being together. I enjoy being with you, Sango. Even if…" His voice lowered. "… even if we are only friends."

That hurt.

I let go, turning around. My breathing was a little unsteady, but I didn't turn around and face him.

"Sango?"

"We should get going." I didn't intend on my voice sounding sharp, but it came out that way.

"Sango, what's wrong?" He put a hand on my shoulder and I flinched, staring at the ground in front of me.

"It's nothing," I said flatly, refusing to look back at him. If I did, he would know that he had unintentionally hurt me; my facial expression always somehow revealed whatever I was really feeling, and I hated that. I hated that I couldn't just put on a smile like Kagome-chan and Miroku seemed to be able to do so easily and hide upsetting matters in the back of my mind where I would internally confront them later. I also hated the fact that Miroku could easily pull on an emotionless face so that I couldn't even tell if he was really content, upset or angry.

"If it has something to do with me…" he began, forcefully taking my shoulders in his hands so I would have to face him. I interrupted him, the tone of my voice sounding harsher than even I expected it to sound.

"Not everything has to do with you, Houshi-sama!" I shouted at him, then whirled out of his grasp. I continued on for a few moments, trying to get a grasp on my anger. When I realized he wasn't behind me, I stopped again, scolding myself for raising my voice at him, knowing he didn't know what it was that he'd done in the first place, and also because he wasn't the reason that I was so angry all of a sudden.

It was Kirishi-san's death.

The image of the little girl, lying helpless and covered in blood after I'd stabbed her with the hidden blade in my sleeve, hadn't left my mind since a day and a half ago. At times, I was able to force the terrified look on her face out of my mind, and focus on the things at hand, but it always returned along with the guilt.

The guilt made that feeling of helplessness come back, and that triggered my anger. I was angry because I hadn't prevented it. But how could I expect Miroku to understand that?

How could I expect anyone to understand those weaker feelings except for Kohaku? At least his mind blocked out the pain and guilt… for the time being. I had heard her muffled screams. Not clearly because I was still under the influence of the creature, but I had still heard the distant sound, and I could still see the bloody sheets and body.

Finally I turned around, taking in a deep breath. "Miroku…" He still looked hurt from my outburst at him, and I couldn't blame him. "I'm sorry."

Before he had time to answer, someone stepped out from behind a cluster of trees. It was Reichi-kun.

"Um, Miroku-sama?" he asked. He was wearing beige shorts and a pale blue top. His hair was done up in a mini ponytail down near the back. The resemblance between him and my younger brother was almost… coincidental. It was actually kind of scary the way Reichi-kun looked so much like Kohaku.

Miroku and I made sure we were a considerable amount of distance from each other as he approached us. "Can I… come with you guys?" he asked.

The monk was the first one to speak. "I don't think you should," he said slowly, looking at me as if to confirm that his decision was the same one as mine, even though I hadn't said anything. I didn't need to; he could understand what I was saying simply by my expression. Sometimes that could be a good thing, but other times it caused misunderstandings and eventually a stupid fight for an even stupider reason. I didn't say anything as he reached over and touched my shoulder. "Sango?"

"He's right," I finally agreed, bringing my concentration back to reality.

Reichi looked reluctant. "But - you don't understand! That demon took my 7 year old brother! I have to save him, he's my responsibility!"

He sounded so much like me, always taking care of his younger sibling, trying to protect him from danger. But he looked so similar to Kohaku, his persona quiet and innocent yet determined.

A brief wave of nausea came over me. The image of Kirishi came back to me as well as one of Kohaku when he had been training to become a taijiya. I sat down on a nearby log, burying my head in my hands. I heard Miroku tell Reichi something, then he came over, kneeling in front of me. "Are you alright?"

"I'm - I'm fine," I said quickly, willing my voice not to shake. Gently he took my hands in his, forcing me to look at him.

"Sango, what's wrong?"

I looked away, using the sleeve of my kimono to wipe away moisture from my eyes. "It's nothing, Houshi-sama."

"It is not nothing!" He let go of my hands for a moment to sit down beside me, putting an arm around my shoulders and drawing me closer to him, regardless of the fact that Reichi-kun was there watching us. "You know, maybe you're just not in the proper state to fight right now."

"I told you, I'm fine," I insisted. "I just - for a moment, I felt nauseated. I don't know. Maybe it's from seeing Reichi-kun -"

"Sango." I turned to look at him, and he seemed to be uncharacteristically serious, his eyes full of worry. "I think you need some rest. For the most part, your mind has come to terms with what has happened, your body has not." He stopped, considering his next words. "You should go back."

Stubborn monk! Just because I felt a bit uneasy gave him no reason to worry about me as if I was a little girl incapable of taking care of herself. I was a taijiya; this was what _I_ did! That was the way I lived, the way I had been trained. I was not an invalid just because of what had happened two nights ago.

A brief anger took hold of me and I stood up, startling Miroku. "Come on, Reichi-kun. Let's go beat that demon up." The boy looked uncertainly at the monk, then hurried after me.

A few moments passed. My anger had been replaced by annoyance and a hint of regret. Miroku stayed behind me and Reichi-kun. I could feel his gaze on the back of my neck, but he didn't say anything, and I wondered if he was just a little angry with me. I had given him good reason to be, but I knew he would never tell me if he was. His silence told me instead.

Reichi was actually the first to break the tension-filled silence. He glanced at the weapon attached to my back. "That looks heavy. How do you carry it around all the time?"

"I'm used to it."

"Oh." He was quiet for a moment. As we walked closer to the location that we were heading in, a mountain could be seen in the distance. "You're a… a taijiya, right?" His voice was soft, almost as if he was afraid I would yell at him for asking something like that.

I gave him a reassuring smile. "Yeah. Have you been trained to fight, Reichi-kun?"

He shook his head, looking a bit down. His answer was hesitant. "I don't really like fighting very much, but when it comes to my brother, I do what I have to do." He raised his head back up as he spoke, and I could see, that behind the fear, determination and pride was building up.

_Just like me with Kohaku._

_I don't want to fight him for fear of hurting him. I could never harm my younger sibling, no matter what. I also have to do whatever I can to save him. _

_Even if… even if it means risking my own life. _

"I know what you mean. I know how it feels to want to protect your younger brother," I said quietly, my pace slowing to a more moderate one. "I have a younger brother called Kohaku. He was a little older than you." I smiled at the memories. "I helped him to train so he could become a taijiya like me, even though I shouldn't have."

"Why?" Reichi-kun asked, watching my sad expression curiously.

"Because he didn't like fighting. He was a quiet, shy little boy…" I trailed off, not wanting the vivid images of my father and comrades to return.

"What happened to him?"

My throat tightened. "He died."

"Oh…" Now he sounded awkward, realizing the impact of his question on me. "Do I… do I look like him?"

"A little." Miroku caught up to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I felt the tension between us decrease, and I gave him a small smile, briefly reaching over to put my hand on his.

It was a few minutes before Reichi-kun spoke again. "My brother and I fool around all the time, having pretend sword fights with sticks. It's really fun. He's probably the closest person to me other than Okaa-san."

"What about your father?"

"He died when I was only a year old."

"I'm sorry."

His tone was a bit lighter as he turned his head to look at me, a faint smile on his face. "It's ok, Sango-sama," he said, in an odd way making me feel less guilt-ridden about the whole conversation. "I don't really remember him." The rest of the way was silent.

It's funny how not being able to remember things makes them seem more difficult to forget. You cannot remember them clearly, yet you know they are there.

I wished that I could forget Kirishi-san.

* * *

It didn't take us much longer to get to the mountain. The cave with the demon wasn't very high; we could see the first part of the entrance at the foot of the mountain. I started upwards, Miroku at my side. Reichi-kun stayed behind me, Kirara trotting beside him. The young boy and the fire neko seemed to get along fine, which was a good thing.

"Houshi-sama," I began, putting my senses on full alert as we went up, the path smoothening and narrowing a bit. "Didn't Kaori-san say that the youkai was invisible?"

"Yes, I think so," he answered, casually putting an arm around my waist, sending a glance back at Reichi. "Why?"

I stiffened. "It's just that this fight is going to take more skill and concentration. It's not like we fight invisible youkai every day."

His hand went lower. "You are a youkai exterminator and I am a monk."

"I wish you'd act more like one, Houshi," I snapped, sending a slap in the direction of his gaze. He rubbed his cheek, grinning like a fool, then his expression became more serious.

"Sango, my point is that you shouldn't feel too worried. Haven't you been trained to fight in more dangerous situations?"

"Yes, but I've never fought an invisible youkai before."

"You'll be fine," he said softly. This time, he reached over, squeezing my hand. I tried not to blush and tugged my hand away from his.

"Thank you for the encouragement," I said, half sarcastic. I turned around. "Reichi-kun, make sure to stay behind me."

He nodded, looking at Miroku. "You're going to fight with your staff? But what if the youkai is big? How are you going to fight it? A staff won't be strong enough."

Miroku momentarily linked his arm through mine. "Well, I have wards, and I also have a highly skilled partner."

I could not prevent a deep red blush from risingin my cheeks.

* * *

We arrived at the entrance. It led into a cave. We couldn't see the back, nor could we hear the voices of any of the trapped children. Miroku gripped his shakujou and my hand tightened on the strap of Hiraikotsu.

"Reichi-kun, don't come in until after we have gotten rid of the youkai," I told him, trying to make out anything in the darkness. The boy nodded and stood outside the cave, watching us explore deeper. The ground was hard and smooth as I entered. Miroku remained beside me.

"Do you feel that?" he said, peering through the increasing darkness.

"No. Feel what?"

"Some kind of strange aura."

We made it to the back of the cave unscathed. I was tense all over, mentally preparing myself for any sign of movement. I knelt down on the ground, my fingers trying detect any traces of a youkai. Miroku frowned, listening for the slightest sounds of a youkai. His left hand held his staff while his right gripped a spot inside his robes. I was sure he was ready to throw out wards at anything that looked suspicious.

"Sango… something is going on," he whispered. "Where are all the kids?"

"What if they were killed?" I whispered back, the thought nearly paralysing me. I turned around, scanning the walls and ground of the cave for any signs of a struggle. Seeing none, I had just stood up and turned around when something knocked me into the cave wall. I felt my back slam into it, and dizziness took over me as I slid down to the ground. Kirara growled, transforming into her larger form.

"Sango!" Miroku ran over to me, but was quickly stopped when he fell to the ground, his eyes opening wide in surprise. His hands shot out in reflex to soften the impact. "There's - there's something here!" His staff rolled out of his grasp. Kirara ran, aiming at an area above Miroku to try and attack, but something caught her and threw her against the wall, holding her captive.

"Kirara!" I cried, afraid that my cat companion had been hurt, but she had merely been restrained. I stood up as he attempted to free himself, twisting and clawing at the ground. Quickly I grabbed Hiraikotsu and threw it at the space a few feet above the monk. It bounced off of thin air, and a roar of surprise and pain was heard as it rebounded back at me. I caught it just as Miroku broke free, snatching his shakujou and joining me. "Are you alright?" he said, sounding a bit shaken up.

"Don't worry about me," I said, tensing my body to expect any sudden attacks. Now I could feel what Miroku had been talking about earlier: a demonic aura. I could sense something in front of us. While the exact location of whatever it was, was still unknown to me, I knew there was something.

"Looks like we found our demon," Miroku stated, voicing my thoughts. "Ready?"

I nodded, once again throwing the giant boomerang at the "empty air". The monk threw some wards at it, hoping they would reveal it. Nothing happened to make the youkai appear, but the wards stayed attached to their places in the air, emitting some sort of crackling energy. Hiraikotsu smashed into the invisible youkai, then fell to the ground.

"Sango, use Hiraikotsu!" Miroku shouted, aiming more wards at the air.

"Houshi-sama…" What was I supposed to do, just run up there and grab it? The weapon lay on the ground, and if I tried to get it, I would be within attacking range, and who knew just how powerful this youkai was.

"Never mind!" He charged at the air, aiming at the air with his shakujou. However, the youkai had either absorbed the pain in some way, or it was exceptionally stronger than most demons, because all of a sudden Miroku was tossed back against the wall, the breath knocking the fight out of him for the time being. He slumped down in a gaze of dizziness.

There was no time to see if he would be alright or not. I went at the area that the wards had attached themselves to, my katana unsheathed, in the hopes of getting Hiraikotsu back. Something long and slimy wrapped around my waist, pinning my arms to my waist and raising me into the air. I didn't drop my katana, but managed to hold onto it even as my head came into contact with the ceiling of the cave. My vision darkened for a moment as I fought to keep my senses awake. The katana slid from my weak grasp.

"Sango!" I could hear Miroku standing up, preparing to do something. "Hold on!" He stepped forward, tightening his grip on his staff. Then a cry of pain came from him as one of the tentacles that must have snuck around stabbed through his shoulder. I couldn't see his face, but the sound of the youkai tearing through his flesh scared me.

"Houshi-sama!" In a frantic state, I began to struggle, somehow managing to twist my wrists around, clawing at the tentacle that held me captive. The hidden blade in my sleeve popped out and I strained to slice through the youkai's flesh. It finally dropped me. I landed hard on my back, but the reflexes I had mastered years ago automatically made me roll back into a fighting position, saving me from an attack that hit the spot where I had been just moments ago. I could tell it had missed me by mere inches because I could feel the air from the speed of the attack. Then, completely based on instinct, I moved away again so the youkai wouldn't have a clear target. My assumption of it attempting to hit me to the spot where I had moved to the second time was correct. However, I wasn't fast enough this time. Its hidden attack missed me for the most part, but the side of it did hit my back, tearing through the back of my battle outfit, spraying blood.

Acting fast, I moved forward, snatching up Hiraikotsu, hurling it at the demon. It just so happened to be at the same time that Miroku used his _seibai_. If Hiraikotsu wasn't quick enough in slicing its body in half as well as deatching tentacles, the wards did the rest. The youkai let out a scream of defeat; we could tell it had been destroyed because of the calm silence that hadn't been there before. I ran over and sliced at the air around Kirara, and she was freed.

Reichi-kun was standing off to the side. He did look a bit scared; this was probably the first time he had ever seen a real fight up close, but when he spoke, his voice was clear and strong. "That was awesome!"

Miroku and I exchanged glances. We were both relieved it was over. It hadn't been too difficult, but we still couldn't assume that we would make it through to see the next day. Now we needed medicinal supplies, but we had to get the kids first, then head back.

**Done! Finally!**

**:jumps up and does a happy dance, then sits back down after realizing she has scared the reviewers: **

**The first half of this chapter had been typed out on my computer for the past week, and I just didn't feel like typing out the rest of it. Strangely enough, it wasn't the fight scene that discouraged my typing mood, it was the argument scene between Miroku and Sango. I just wasn't able to finish that up for a whole week. My fight scene sucks, but as I said before, action is one of my weaker points. Review, please:puppy eyes:**


	7. Mixed Emotions

**Disclaimer: **Don't own it.

**I got bored while typing out a certain scene for chapter 6, so I went ahead with this chapter to bring my typing mood back up. Yes, I know, it sounds odd, but it's the truth. I'm so happy I already have it written out! In case anyone is curious, a certain part of this chapter was inspired from the PoF's DW. You'll know which part it is once you've finished reading it… ah, the fluff! **

**Seriously, I've been reading too much fluff lately. It's one thing to read it, but another when you have to write it… **

**TeamRocket Sapphire: **:beams at the compliment:

**Blusorami: **It was? Eh… :backs away from screen: You don't scare me… much. :shifty eyes: It's okay, I know how you feel. My life is pretty much based on fanfics at the moment, it's rather sad.

**Galux: **I update roughly every 2 weeks or so, depending on whether or not if I feel that I'm still heading in the same general direction as my written copy. But thanks for the encouragement. :glomps:

**Ninalee-chan: **Miroku isn't frustrated with Sango, he's mainly frustrated with the fact that he can't help Sango because she won't tell him what's going on even though she knows he wants to heal her pain. Or something like that. Really? Want to know a secret? I _completely_ forgot about Kirara until I re-read the entire rough draft over twice to make sure everything happened as it was supposed to, then I was like, "Hey, Kirara's still there… doing nothing! I really have to fix that!".

Sango ran over to me. There was a huge gash in her back where the youkai had missed for the most part, but it still looked deep considering that she had not moved fully out of the way in time. Her eyes still looked a little dazed, probably from getting her head almost smashed into the ceiling of the cave, but she lost no time in getting up after finishing off the youkai to come over and check to see how I was. Kirara, now free from the restraining tentacles of the destroyed youkai, scampered over to see if Sango and I were okay.

Damn youkai. It had almost torn straight through my right shoulders, which hurt like hell. Blood stained my roves and flew in a steady stream down the side of my arm. Aside from that, I was fine.

"Houshi-sama!" She knelt down beside me, wincing at the bloody mess that had spread on the sleeve of my robes. "We - we didn't think of bringing any bandages with us, so we'll have to head back to the hut and clean up there." Her voice shook just a bit, but whether it was from near misses by the youkai or the fact that I was almost killed, I didn't know.

"Sango, are you hurt?" I asked her, placing my hand on her shoulder. She shook her head. "It looked like your back had almost been torn open." I noticed her fists clenching on the ground for a brief moment, but she didn't say anything about her injury.

"Come on," she said, helping me up by putting a supportive arm around my waist. "We have to find the kids…" She looked around as we headed to the exit, my arm slung around her shoulders. Fear settled in her voice. "Houshi-sama, where's Reichi-kun?"

"I don't know," I said, even as I looked around for a trace of the boy. "He's not here anymore? Maybe he left to get help."

She took a deep breath, her gaze concentrated elsewhere as I looked at her. "I hope so," she murmured. I had a feeling that something was bothering her, but now was not the time to ask about it.

We hadn't taken more than four or five steps out of the cave when Reichi's voice called back somewhere from higher up on the mountain.

"Miroku-sama! Sango-sama!" he called as we hurried up, trying not to lose our footing on the steep slope. "They're up here!"

Sango and I hurried up, Kirara following closely behind. A bunch of little kids were huddled; it was apparent that they were afraid of being near the demon, and none had tried to escape. That, and then there was the fact that none of the children looked older than seven. Reichi was probably the oldest one there, and even he was only ten.

Reichi was beside another little boy, assumedly his brother. He too had dark hair tied in a ponytail that was a little lower towards his neckline and his eyes were a lighter blue. Some of the kids looked a bit scratched up and one girl had a twisted ankle, but otherwise they seemed to be fine.

"Koichi," he said, inspecting some cuts and bruises on his sibling's arms and legs. "Are you okay?"

The younger boy nodded, glancing shyly at Miroku, then me. "Who are those people?" he asked in a small voice.

"That's Miroku-sama and Sango-sama," Reichi answered, pointing unnecessarily at us. "Sango-sama is a demon slayer. Amazing, eh?" He gave Sango a gentle smile and her cheeks flushed.

"It - it's not _amazing_," Sango said, but her voice wasn't firm enough and I could tell she was a little flattered by what he thought of her.

Koichi nodded, but his attention was on his older brother. "When are we going home, onii-chan?"

Sango spoke up. "My friends will bring you guys back home to your families. Kirara!" She gave the neko a meaningful look. "Please get Inuyasha and Kagome-chan quickly."

About five minutes later, Kirara returned in her larger form, Inuyasha following her. Kagome-sama was on his back and she got off as Inuyasha stopped, landing next to us. As if on instinct, the group of frightened kids backed away. Reichi must have been the only one who didn't, and he restrained his little brother from moving away by telling him it was okay.

"He won't hurt you guys," Reichi told the others, and the fear slowly turned into reluctance. The hanyou approached them in his gruff manner.

"Alright. Kagome, get the kids home. I'll help the girl," he ordered, motioning for the small group to follow them. Kagome went up to them, reassuring them that Inuyasha would not harm them, no matter how big and tough he looked. The hanyou walked over to the little girl, bending down so she could clamber onto his back.

"Sango and I will head back on Kirara. We need to clean up some injuries," I said. The taijiya didn't look at me, but was still watching Reichi and Koichi. I nudged her and she got on the fire cat.

She sat in front as usual, but this time, she leaned back against me. She had never done that before due to fear that I would grope her, no matter what the circumstances were. I cautiously put my arms around her, being careful not to place them near the lower section of her waist where she usually suspected they would go. However, she didn't stiffen, but kept her eyes focused on the scenery in front of her and where we were heading.

"Sango?"

"Yeah?"

I could sense that she wasn't her usual self. "Is there something wrong?"

"It's nothing," she answered.

"What's bothering you?" I asked her, keeping my voice low.

She shook her head. "I'm… I'm…"

I looked over the landscape, but at the same time, not really seeing it. "Is it because of Reichi?"

She stiffened, and I knew it was because of my question and not of my wandering hands because they were still wrapped around the front of her waist. "No."

But her voice had nervousness in it, and a hint of fear.

* * *

We headed into our hut, the cloudy sky casting shadows through the dim light of the small area. She placed Hiraikotsu by her mat and sat down, rummaging through her bag for bandages and gauze.

I took a clean cloth and wet it, wringing it out to soak up any blood. The damage hadn't been too deep, but it was deep enough to need some medical attention and cut clear across her back. "Sango? Do you trust me to do something like this?" I asked as I undid the top back part of her outfit, moving her hair out of the way.

"Yes…" The movement of her fists clenching in her lap caught my gaze. "Please don't…"

"Don't what?" I asked, confused, but as I moved away the material down a little, leaving it just above her waist, I understood what it was that she was trying to ask me without having to speak. "Sango…" I couldn't help but look horrified and more worried than I already was about her.

There was a huge scar, its pale colour standing out against the light tan of her skin. It almost went past her lower waist, and went up towards the middle of her upper back area. The area where the youkai had lashed past her had reopened the middle of it, causing more blood to stream out.

"Sango, when did this happen?" I reached out to trace the rough skin, and she flinched. I moved my hand away from it in understanding. Whatever had caused this had brought back some memories that she obviously did not want to deal with at the moment.

"Don't," she whispered, shifting away and pulling the black material back up. I stopped her, stilling her hands. She did not turn around to face me.

"Sango, how did this happen?" I asked her softly.

She sniffled a bit, trying to keep her emotions composed. "When Naraku ruined my village, he took control of Kohaku through the lord that we were to exterminate the demons for. Kohaku was forced to kill the others, and… and his - his -" She could not continue without choking on her words, and I knew she was reliving the emotional effects of that day.

I felt bad, knowing I'd forced her to remember that fateful day, but that scar chilled me. It also made my heartache for her increase, and my admiration for the strong warrior side of her increase. I appreciated her for who she was even more now, even if I never got the chance to tell her.

"Shhhh," I soothed her, rubbing her shoulders in an attempt to calm her down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you remember everything like that. It's okay, I'm here."

"Kohaku was under his control… and he was forced to attack me. I went after the lord because I knew he was possessed by something, controlling my brother, but I wasn't fast enough." She finally shifted so she could turn and look at me, but her expression was one of anguish and her voice shook. Tears were pooling in her eyes. "It was all my fault, if I had been quicker…"

"No," I said firmly, taking her face in my hands and wiping her tears away. "Don't blame yourself. You did what you could, you care about Kohaku, and that's all that matters."

She nodded, but I could tell my words had not fully convinced her. I started wiping away the blood and bandaging up the wound, taking care not to cause her any more pain. I grabbed another clean cloth and rinsed it, about to clean my own wound when she stopped me.

"Could I…?" Her implied suggestion was shy, but I caught the meaning. For some reason, I didn't feel like teasing her about her trust that I would keep my actions of the non-lecherous sort.

"Um… yeah," I answered, wondering why she wanted to bandage my shoulder. She'd never wanted anything to do with close contact with me before, knowing that I would ruin it by groping her.

She dipped the cloth into the bucket of water, and after wringing it out to get rid of any excess water, applied it to my shoulder. It quickly absorbed the blood, the dark crimson liquid staining the white cloth. Surprisingly, the sticky mess didn't take too long to clean, and as she reached over to get a roll of bandages, she spoke.

"Houshi-sama," she began, not looking at me. "You know I care about you, right?"

"Yes."

But how much, Sango? Enough so that you will not give up in life? If you were to commit suicide because of Kohaku… I don't know what I would do without you. I wanted so badly to ask her if she planned on throwing her own life away after the shard was taken out of Kohaku, but didn't. I was too afraid I would hear the answer I feared.

Her fingers gently placed some soft gauze on the cleaned wound to help the pain, then expertly applied a few bandages on it to prevent any possible infections. Her voice was low, her head lowered slightly but not enough so that I couldn't see her expression. She seemed a bit sad, but in general, looking thoughtful more than anything else.

"Do you… do you care about me?"

I frowned and she stilled, dropping her hands in her lap. "Of course I do. More than any other woman." I vaguely remembered telling her once that her concern for me meant more to me than that of any other woman, and I had meant that. What gave her the idea that I didn't care about _her_?

"Really?" The surprise was evident.

"Sango… why would you ask me something like that?" I knew the answer, but I wanted her to tell me.

"Because… I… I just wasn't sure," she stammered out, looking down. Her cheeks were slightly pink.

"Sango, I told you once that your concern for me means more to me than that of any other woman," I said. "I care about _you_ more than any other woman."

Now her cheeks were a deeper shade of red, and I was sure I was seeing a different side of her. Not just the personality of the taijiya that I had known for the past year, but the real Sango. The caring, affectionate Sango who wanted to be loved. I had to be careful about what I said because I was not familiar with this side of her personality, and I did not want to hurt her, even if it was unintentional.

"All those times when you sucked in the Saimyoushou to save my life… I was afraid you were going to die because of me," she whispered, clearly embarrassed by showing so much concern about me. She didn't have to be; I loved the fact that she had been worried about me.

I gently put a finger under her chin so she would look up. "It wasn't your fault, Sango. I want you to live, to be happy."

_There is hope… even for Kohaku. So smile. _

She took a deep breath, her cheeks still flushed. "Houshi-sama, I want to ask something, I just - I don't know how to say it," she said, looking embarrassed again, but also a bit uncomfortable. She appeared to be mustering the courage to ask me something extremely important. I didn't say anything, but gave her an encouraging smile. She lowered her head so that I could not see her expression, and the question was barely audible.

"After Naraku is defeated, would you - would you want to be with me?"

The words took a moment to register in my brain. I felt shocked. Sango wanted to be with _me_? That was the last thing I had expected her to ask me, and at first, I was not quite sure of what to say. I hadn't prepared myself to answer that type of question. She started playing with the edge of her kimono, obviously nervous and uneasy.

"Sango… you - you want to stay with me… after Naraku is destroyed?" I repeated slowly, just to make sure I had heard correctly.

She nodded once, very slowly.

I took her hands and she hesitantly looked back up at me, afraid of my answer.

"I would be happy if you wished to stay with me," I told her softly. The fear vanished in her eyes as she threw her arms around my neck, being careful where to place her weight so she would not irritate my injury. I could tell she was close to happy tears, and I hugged her back.

After a few minutes, she sat back, a new light in her eyes that I hadn't seen since Kohaku came back, making us believe he had been freed.

"We'll defeat Naraku, won't we?" she asked.

"Definitely. I don't intend on leaving you anytime soon," I told her, wrapping my arms around her waist. Almost instinctively her body stiffened. Kami-sama give me patience! I just told her that I wanted to be with her, and she _still_ expected me to grope her. Honestly! There was only one way to get her defences down.

I leaned forward and kissed her, my mouth completely covering hers. Her tiny noise of protest was muffled, and it only took a second for her to calm down again. She moved her hands up to my neck, her fingers lightly brushing along the back of my shoulders. I deepened the kiss, moving past her teeth to taste the inside of her mouth. She let out a weak moan, and I completely forgot why I had wanted to kiss her in the first place.

She fell back on the mat, the medicinal supplies forgotten. I went over her, being careful to lean most of my weight on the floor on either side of her legs so that I wouldn't accidentally crush her body. My arms rested near her upper shoulders as she held me closer, almost against herself. I broke the kiss to move my lips along the side of her jaw, leaving smaller ones on her delicately smooth skin. Her breathing had gone from steady to almost ragged.

"Miroku…" she whispered, somehow breaking through the daze that had taken hold of both of us. "I…"

"It's okay," I said, kissing her neck. She moaned again, and I could feel her body trembling at the feel of my lips on her skin. She may have been a bit frightened at first, but now she appeared to be enjoying it. Once again, I brushed her skin with my mouth, leading back up to her lips, deepening the kiss. Only when I stopped to let us take a breath of air did she sit up, forcing me to move back.

"Not now… we - I - it's…" She stammered for a few minutes, her cheeks looking flushed after I had kissed her, her eyes slightly glazed. "This - this can't… we can't…" She shook her head, struggling to form coherent speech.

Realizing that she would not be able to gather her thoughts to make common sense come out of her mouth, I supplied her statement for her, still feeling a bit dazed myself. I never thought she would have let me get that close to her. Never. "I know what you're trying to say." She opened her mouth to say something, but at that precise moment, Shippou bounded into the hut.

"Sango, Reichi-sama wants to talk to you…" His eyes widened as she turned to look at him, and sometimes I wondered if I had influenced his mind as much as Kagome-chan and Inuyasha are afraid that I did. After all, I'm the pervert in the group, and the closest person to me is Sango. Shippou observes just as much as the others do when the taijiya and I are supposedly talking 'alone'. I guess it was her flushed cheeks and the slightly disorientated way that she was still trying to get her brain back into focus that made a certain thought enter his small mind; it certainly showed on his face. "I think - I think I'll… go now," he said awkwardly, glancing at me with that terrified look on his face. Then he scampered from the hut.

Sango stood up, the confusion quickly fading away from her features. "Reichi-kun?" she said, turning to look at me. I nodded, wishing that Shippou could have waited just a few more minutes. Then again, it wasn't like he knew we were… well, getting closer to each other. "I'm sorry Miroku," she apologized as I stood up. "I know you wanted to spend some more time with me… but I… "

I understood. "It's okay, Sango. Don't worry about it. We can spend some time together later tonight." She nodded, and kissed me briefly before leaving, her cheeks still a lovely shade of red as she left. I sat back down, grinning like a fool.

_Sango liked me! _

Now _that_ was something to think about!

* * *

It had stopped raining a short while ago, and now the sun was peeking out of the clouds. The grass was more than wet, but that didn't stop my taijiya from spending time with the siblings.

Sango spent the rest of the afternoon 'training' Reichi and Koichi, teaching them the basics of the sword. They had to use wooden sticks instead of swords, obviously because if they missed or actually managed to hit each other using the proper stances, the metal would cause some bleeding, and from Koichi, some wailing which I don't think anyone really wanted to have to hear or deal with at the moment.

Reichi had told us earlier that he disliked fighting, but after seeing Sango and I team up to fight the youkai, Reichi felt he needed to learn the basics if his life was ever in danger. Koichi didn't care about training; he simply liked being around his older sibling. He would wave his stick in what he thought was a menacing manner of some sort, then threaten his brother, who didn't look fazed in the least, only amused. I doubted that Koichi would ever really have the heart to hurt someone using such a weapon. It also amused me to watch Koichi try and fight Reichi. The older boy wasn't using his full strength capacity against his younger brother, which was a good thing, considering that Koichi was quite a few inches smaller and weaker than his older sibling. Nevertheless, Koichi never gave up, or in this case, never stopped having fun while attempting to whack Reichi with the stick.

Most of the afternoon I sat down on a log, protected by the cover of the leaves of a nearby tree. It was quite enjoyable to watch her train them. It had been a long time since I had seen her looking so happy and content, and not thinking about whether Naraku was suddenly going to show up with his incarnates to destroy our lives and the momentarily peaceful atmosphere. A strange sound caught my attention and I looked in the direction of the 'fighting'.

Sango was giggling and holding her katana, correcting Reichi's stance. I could hear her voice, sounding firm and almost musical as she told him what to do. Koichi looked at his brother and tried to imitate the way his feet and arms were positioned as he swiped at the air in front of him, apparently convinced that his invisible 'enemy' would fall from such a strike.

I wanted so much to join them, to go up there and wrap my arms around her and help her instruct the kids on how to do it right, but I didn't. She probably wanted this time alone to be with the kids, to remember the good times she shared with Kohaku and use them to heal the scarred wounds that Naraku had created. It would help her in the way that I couldn't.

* * *

Later that night, all of us gathered around in the main hut. Reichi and Koichi had gone off to play somewhere. Kaori-san sat with us in silence after having thanked us for getting rid of the youkai. Inuyasha and Kagome-sama were sitting next to each other, Inuyasha eating more ramen and Kagome-sama watching him, a slight smile on her lips as she watched him. I swear, all that hanyou ever eats is ramen unless he is forced to eat something different.

Sango ate some dinner, but I noticed that she didn't seem to have much of an appetite. I wondered if she was thinking about Kohaku again, but didn't ask, instead concentrating on my bowl of ramen. Then again, maybe she was getting sick of the ramen. It was a constant meal in our journeys, and while I was impressed at Kagome-sama's 'modern' supplies, I silently admitted to myself that after a while, the taste became rather ordinary.

She got up, saying she wanted to take a walk and think by herself. I momentarily took her hand, mildly concerned. "Are you okay, Sango?" Kagome-sama's eyes widened at the warmer atmosphere between us, and I think she suspected there was more going on than just friendship, like she always did. Yet she remained silent, both verbally and physically. If she really wanted to talk to the taijiya about me, she would do so later. Kagome-sama always seemed to know when the time is right for anything specific, and I was glad she did.

"I'm fine. Just tired," she replied, offering me a smile. Shippou immediately looked up at her unusually gentle tone towards me, and Kagome laid a hand on his head, a way of silencing him without having to say anything. It worked, but the curiosity from her and Shippou still lingered in their gazes. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When Kagome-sama was sure that Sango was out of earshot, her gaze turned from concernment to a suspicious, knowing look. I braced myself, thinking I was going to get in trouble for something I didn't do, but she surprised me by speaking in an excited voice, taking care not to raise her level of volume too much.

"What's going on between you and Sango-chan?"

I looked at her almost in a baffled way. "What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb so that I wouldn't have to answer her question. It didn't work too well.

"You know what I mean!" she said, her fists raised in enthusiasm. "I've seen you and her touching each other… in a way that would be classified as more than just friendship. What did you guys do when Inuyasha and I took the kids back home earlier?"

I tried to sound offended. "What do you think we did?" At the astounded look on her face, I hurried on. "Kagome-sama! I am utterly hurt that you would even _think_ to suggest something as horrific as that!"

Inuyasha swallowed his mouthful of noodles. "Now that surprises me, bouzu. If you weren't thinking about something like _that_ while fixing her, then what _did_ you think of? The pretty women in this village that you haven't gone and asked to bear your child yet?"

Kagome-sama sighed, slapping down her wrists on her knees in frustration. "Inuyasha…"

"No wait! What did I say? Kagome, you don't -"

"_Osuwari_. I don't want to hear what you're going to say, because whatever you decide to let come out of your mouth will be tactless. And besides, _I'm_ the one questioning Miroku-sama here, not you," she stated as he somehow shot a death glare at her while having his face shoved into the ground.

"Now," she continued brightly, looking back at me. I felt my face heat up, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't due to the warm atmosphere inside the hut. "Did you guys talk or anything after you came back to the village?"

"Uh, sort of," I admitted. Somehow I was going to have to keep her from asking if I had tried to strengthen my relationship with Sango.

"Did you talk about anything in particular?" she pressed. I was trying desperately to think of something to say to be able to deny what she was really intending to get at, but fortunately, I didn't have to think of anything. Even though Sango had only been gone for a few minutes, five at most, a chill went up my spine. I had this feeling that something was wrong. I don't know how I knew, I just _knew_. It was completely instinctive and I knew that it was a warning about something because I had felt it that time when Inuyasha and I discovered Kirishi's body.

I quickly got up, startling Kagome-sama. "What is it?" she asked, now looking a bit frightened.

"I'm going to check on Sango. I'll be back in a minute."

I could tell Inuyasha wanted to comment, perhaps on my concern for her, but he restrained himself from saying anything because of Kagome's possible wrath. I headed off, listening for any sounds of crying or footsteps. Knowing Sango, she had went off to get rid of any emotional build-ups she had; she hated crying in front of any of us. Then I heard something that chilled my blood.

A scream.

For a moment, I feared that Sango, _my_ Sango, had been injured, and I quickened my pace, now running.

But when I finally found her, the scene that greeted my eyes made me freeze. The taijiya was leaning over him, an odd expression on her face. It wasn't completely blank, but it did lack emotion, and from what I could see, she was staring intently at the face of a boy, looking just a bit strained. The boy's eyes were wide, the terror and pain draining out of them as well as his life force. Blood flowed from him, and it took me a moment to realize where it came from. A blade had been shoved into his chest. Sango's blade. She wrenched it out of him, then turned to look at me as if she had just realized I was there.

_What did you do to Reichi! _

**Could you do me a favour as a reviewer, please? **

**Could you tell me what you liked or disliked about the chapters from this point onwards? It's just that if there is something that is starting to bore you or irritate you, you can tell me and I'll try to change it a bit. Plus, that way I can learn if I'm typing out satisfactory chapters, and then I won't worry so much about whether or not the plot is going to turn out okay. I apologize if the coming chapters decrease in length.**

**Oh, if anyone really cares, part of Reichi-kun's name was based on the role he played. _Rei_ means nothing (as far I know, but I don't study Japanese. If it does mean something, can you tell me, just for fun?), and _chi_ means blood. Reichi-kun's personality and interests were based off of Kohaku, as you could probably tell. Alright, this author's note is long enough. **

**Review, please. Remember, I would really appreciate it if you could tell me if anything is starting to annoy you or any particular parts you liked. :winks: I could use the feedback for Chapters 9+. Ja!**


	8. Seen

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inuyasha.

**Things are about to get more emotional. I highly doubt there will be any more comedy from this chapter onwards simply because of the direction that the plot is taking. There will be more angst and the occasional fluff, and yes, there is still action to come. :sighs: I don't hate doing action… okay, so I highly dislike writing it, but it does add more flexibility to the story, and it is more enjoyable to read than to actually describe. I'm trying to add enough fluff without breaking the overall mood of the story but, as you probably know by now, fluff isn't my natural element. Angst is, obviously.**

**Aamalie:** Believe it or not, that was the first time I've ever done a proper fluff scene. You know, like past the hugging and touching the shoulder stuff. I've been reading too much of the PoF's fanfics. You thought -that- was the best line? Uh… why?

**Bonzo the Fifth:** How was the first explained :looks confused: All I did was type down how she refused to say anything about it, and it's not like she's directly lying to him. You're right, this _is_ too obvious. However, things will get a bit more dramatic because of the "secret" that she's tried to hide for so long. Ofudas wouldn't work.

**Blusorami: **I don't write lemons, which is why I stopped them before it went too… deep. Miroku isn't really hurt, he's mainly shocked and confused, although he has already suspected that there is something wrong with Sango. He does, however, he doesn't need to voice his assumptions aloud, considering that Sango is going through enough without reminders.

**Stripe: **How did you just manage to come across this when I'm on your author alert list :looks confused: Of course it's dark and creepy, that's why it's in the horror genre. Um, no, not in this particular story. However… I do have plans for the future.

**Inuyasha'sonlywoman: **Thank you for the inspiration. It always makes me happy to know people like this one.

**Ninalee-chan: **Because… because it gives me a nice, wonderful excuse to write angst. My friend Dante once told me, "You can't kill kids, Iggy! It's against the law of… :pauses: the law of fanfiction!". Well, in this one I did, and I actually have a reason behind all this. Inuyasha didn't really "shoulder the blame", he just let the villagers assume that he had done it, and Sango didn't want to draw attention to herself. No dream segment, Ninalee.

**On with the chapter!**

He had seen.

Kami, _he had seen me stab Reichi-kun_!

"Sango -" he started to say, but cut himself off. I stood up, backing away and clicking the blade so that it fell to the ground. My hands were sticky with blood. Reichi-kun's blood.

"Houshi-sama, I -" I tried to think of something to say to fill the stunned silence between us. He took a few steps towards me, as if afraid I would suddenly strike out at him.

"What did you _do_ to him?"

I shook my head, unable to think of a response. He knelt down beside the child, looking at the stab wounds. When he spoke, his voice was unsteady.

"Sango, _what happened_?"

"N - nothing! It was my own fault!" I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I just couldn't. Even though he already knew… I had to protect the secret.

He looked up at me, frustration and hurt evident in his eyes. "You couldn't have done this," he said, his voice unusually calm. "What is controlling you? What?" he demanded, standing up and approaching me.

"I - I don't know," I stammered, backing away. I had never seen him look so angry like this before.

"Quit hiding it, Sango! I want to help you, but if you don't let me -" He grabbed my shoulders, and his gaze bored into mine, almost as if he was trying to see through the depths of my soul. For a second, I was truly frightened of him.

"No, I'm telling you the truth!" I tried to hold my tears back. "Houshi-sama -" The pressure increasing in me was too much. I felt my legs collapse, my fists clenching as I struggled to keep my defences up, to keep him from seeing me turn into an emotional mess once again, but it didn't work too well. I really didn't know what was controlling me, why I felt so angry at the slightest annoyance, and it only confused me.

His tone softened as he caught me in his arms. He sounded tired. "Sango, I only want to help you," he said, holding me, trying to offer any support, although I knew that he didn't know what to do any longer to draw me out. The tears I had been trying to hold back spilled over my cheeks.

"I know, but - I can't… if anyone finds out…" I whispered, looking at him. "Look at this, Houshi-sama." I moved away to show him the blood. He opened his mouth, almost hesitantly, to say something, but then Kagome and Inuyasha came in.

"Sango-chan, where -" Kagome-chan began, but stopped at the sight of Reichi's body. Inuyasha passed her, kneeling down and inspecting the body. Then he turned and looked directly at me.

"What the _hell_ happened here?" he growled. "You must have had something to do with this, Sango. There's blood all over you. What did you do to the brat?"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome gasped, her temper fuelling up at his words. "That's - that's not - you shouldn't -"

No one could have given Inuyasha a glare of hell at that moment that was worse than the monk's. Kagome's anger was nothing compared to the anger that I could feel was radiating off of his body. I wasn't sure if I was more horrified about what I had done this time or if I was more scared about what Miroku might do in his anger. I managed to decrease my crying, wiping my face and mentally telling myself to calm down.

Miroku held me tighter against him, shielding me from the hanyou's accusing stare. "Inuyasha, leave her alone. Maybe you should go bury the body." To the others, it sounded like a solemn suggestion, but to me, it sounded even worse than the accusation that Inuyasha himself had figured out.

Kagome put a calming hand on his shoulders, her voice unusually quiet. "It - it looks like he was taken by surprise."

"Well yeah," Inuyasha snorted. "If you were suddenly attacked with a knife, you'd be surprised too."

"That's not what I meant, Inuyasha," she said coolly. "Do you _really_ think that Sango-chan would have had anything to do with something like this? The only way she could have had anything close to doing something like this was if… "

I blocked out the rest of what she said, burying my head in his shoulder. I didn't want to face any of it, and what was even stranger was that I didn't want to face my friends about it. I just didn't want to have to think about it anymore, otherwise it might drive me over the edge.

"It's okay, Sango. It's okay," I vaguely heard his voice say calmly. His hand went up and down my back in a soothing motion.

"Is Sango-chan hurt?"

"I'll tell you later." I could tell that he didn't want to describe what he had seen, and inwardly I thanked him. I didn't want to know what exactly he had seen. Had he seen the demon take control of me, or was he confused about the whole thing, like Kagome-chan? If he knew the demon was inside of me, trying to maintain control of my body, what could he possibly do to help?

Nothing. This was my fight, my inner battle. My partner's support could only go so far, and words were powerless against demons. Evil demons were usually unreasonable, only seeing their own despair and torment, so they attacked without thought, motivation being what drove them to destroy villages and families.

Inuyasha and Kagome stayed in the clearing to do something, not sure what. My senses dulled and I was unaware of anything else except for what I had done and the monk beside him, helping me get back to the hut. I was covered in blood, dirt, and cold sweat from fear.

* * *

He made me sit down on the mat, getting a damp cloth to wash away the blood. For some reason, I hesitated and backed away, causing dark stains to appear on the tatami. 

"No…"

"Sango, I have to clean you up," he said, a hint of a plea in his voice. I knew he didn't mean to make it sound that way, but the words cut me deeply, reminding me of what I had done.

"What will that do?" I said, allowing my anger and guilt to take control of my temper. "Will cleaning the blood off of me erase what I've done? Will it bring back Reichi-kun? No!" I raged on, ignoring the wince at the increasing volume of my voice on his face. "It won't do anything! I can still feel the blood on my hands, Miroku! Kirishi-san and Reichi-kun will still be dead. Nothing can change that!"

Miroku remained silent as my words struck him. I felt guilty for yelling at him, but I hated myself at this moment for taking out my pain and anguish when he was only trying to help. I also hated myself for feeling so helpless, for not being able to prevent these things from happening. It wasn't his fault that there was a youkai inside of me, taking over my functions. So why did I have to take it out on the one person that cared about me most? Shaking a bit, I managed to find my voice.

"I'm sorry, Miroku. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't - I didn't mean it." I looked down to avoid his gaze, not wanting to see the hurt in his eyes. "I know you're only trying to make things easier."

Still being silent, he took my hands and started washing them, getting the bloodstains off. His fingers moved gently over my skin, not scrubbing hard at the red liquid that remained. After about another ten minutes, he dipped the cloth back in the bucket, rinsing the cloth off. He didn't speak, and I briefly wondered if he was angry at me until his fingers tilted my chin upwards so I would meet his gaze.

"I understand," he said softly, drawing me closer to him so I could lean against him as he dried my hands. He felt comfy and warm, his face about an inch from my shoulder. I allowed myself to relax against him, mentally preparing myself for a perverted attack on my behind even as I knew he wouldn't do it. Not at a time like this. It had just always been in his nature to lighten up the situation, so I had come to expect it from him.

"Miroku," I whispered, wanting to stay here with him, and at the same time, not wanting to because I feared that my anger could really take control over me, and I could say things that I didn't mean, simply because I was frustrated about everything. His hand brushed over mine in a comforting gesture and he held me closer against him. "Miroku, I need to head out for a bit. I need to get rid of... of some things on my mind, but it would be a better idea if I did it alone." Reluctantly, I got up, vaguely remembering that half of my kimono still had dried blood on it, but I would change it later into something a little more… decent-looking. I offered him a faint smile, so faint that it could barely be called a smile. "I know you want to help and comfort me, but right now…" I looked away.

"Sango…" I think he wanted to say something, anything to cover up the wall of tension I had put between us, but I swallowed and spoke again. Otherwise I would never get it out.

"… right now I have to get rid of this anger that's been building up inside of me. I'm not angry at you, Miroku. If anything, I'm angry at myself. I'm starting to think that maybe my thoughts and feelings are being influenced, and that I'm starting to lose control. Of what, I'm not exactly sure. I was never as strong as you thought I was, and I'm not any stronger now. I know Inuyasha, Kagome-chan and you all believe that since I watched my family die and that I have to fight my brother because he doesn't remember me makes me strong, but I'm no stronger than any of you. I'm a taijiya, Miroku. I was trained to be a fighter and have confidence in anything that I did even if it was wrong because at least I tried. But trying isn't enough anymore, and… "

A well of emotion was rising, threatening to erupt soon. I had never confessed this much to anyone before, and I was still scared of telling Miroku this, but at the same time, I knew he'd understand. After a moment, in which I regained my composure and my voice, I turned back to face him. He was still sitting there, listening to me intently, his gaze gentle.

"I just don't understand. I don't know what to do anymore. When my family was killed, I learned who caused their deaths. The solution to avenging them was killing the one who did it. That was easy said, all I had to do was go after Naraku. I was still too weak to stand up or walk very much, let alone fight, but I never gave up because I knew I had to do it. When Kohaku was resurrected and he was sent to fight me simply because Naraku knew I wouldn't fight my own flesh-and-blood, I had to summon everything in my willpower to keep from crying every time I saw him. I had no choice but to fight him unless I allowed him to kill me, and I couldn't do that. As you know, I could only defend myself. Then Naraku would never be killed, and my efforts at destroying him would all be in vain. When I found out that Kohaku's lifeline was tied to the Shikon shard, it became another task and another reason for me to annihilate Naraku. This is different, though. I don't know exactly what I am fighting against, and I don't know how to prevent it from getting stronger. And that… that just puts everyone in more danger because it chose to take over me, and I can't fight what I don't understand. I know the basics of what it is, but at the same time, I feel so uncertain."

By this time, I had turned away again, staring out the window to look at the stars, yet not really seeing them. My voice had grown a bit more audible, but the trembling in it was evident. He stood up behind me, though he didn't touch me on the shoulder like he had done so many times before to comfort me. Perhaps he knew I didn't want it yet.

"We'll have to head to Kaede's first thing tomorrow. We can see if she knows any type of demon that can take control over the body of a human," he said.

"I'll be back shortly," I told him, grabbing Hiraikotsu and exiting the hut.

* * *

Inuyasha finished wrapping up the boy in an old blanket that the villagers supplied. Kagome had tried to help him clean up the area as best she could, trying to think up a possible excuse for Reichi-kun's death that Kaori-san would believe. She stood up as he prepared to take the body back to the cemetery grounds. 

"Inuyasha, I'm going to tell Kaori-san what happened," she finally decided, her quiet voice breaking the tense silence in the clearing that had built up ever since Miroku and I had left.

There was a pause as she waited for Inuyasha to reply, and he did. "What are you going to tell her?"

"The bare facts. Her son died."

Inuyasha turned to look at her. "Is that all?"

Tears stung her eyes. "What do you want me to tell her, Inuyasha? That my best friend was somehow _involved_ with the murder of her older son?"

The hanyou's tone was flat with a hint of sympathy. "Well, it's the truth. Can you really lie about something like that?"

Saying "sit" would never be enough to make him understand.

* * *

"Hiraikotsu!" 

The heavy weapon sliced up numerous trees before it came back to me. I caught it, but my fatigue caused me to stumble and the Hiraikotsu to slip from my grasp.

I had just spent the last fifteen minutes destroying a tree trunk. Or rather, beating it up, then destroying it by cutting it in half with the large boomerang. I beat on it with all my strength, trying to wear myself out physically and emotionally, trying to figure out why the demon was doing this to me. Eventually, my physical strength was drained for the time being, and I knelt down on one knee, catching my breath.

"What is _wrong_ with me?"

I had been angry earlier, but at one point, my anger had turned into rage and I had nearly taken it out on Miroku. As angry as I had been, the rage had felt disconnected. It just wasn't _me_. True, I am not usually a happy person either, but my anger had never been that strong before.

Was I still Sango?

What if the creature managed to take full control of me? What if my friends' lives were threatened? I had to stop this before it got worse.

The only problem was that I didn't know how to.

* * *

Some time later, I felt Miroku's hand on my shoulder. He had come to get me, helping me up. I turned to face him. 

"Sango, it's been about an hour," he said quietly, sounding and looking tired, but I could sense the concern behind his words. "Look at you; you're covered in dirt. Come on back to the hut." When he sensed my hesitation, lowering my head, he tilted it so I would look back up at him. "Inuyasha and Kagome-sama have gone to tell Kaori-san what happened."

I looked away, my fists clenching on the dirt. "What are they - what are they going to tell her?" A wave of dizziness passed over me and I accidentally fell back against him, my exhaustion finally catching up.

He caught me in his arms, then lowered them back to his sides as I rested against him, closing my eyes. I really appreciated the fact that he was allowing me to simply relax for a moment, making me feel like I wasn't pressuring him for comfort again.

"They're not going to say anything about you. At least, I don't think Kagome-sama is going to. I think she's found a way to convince Kaori-san about Reichi-kun's death involving a youkai or something. I didn't ask her, but I caught a few words about what she said to Inuyasha," he told me, hesitantly putting his arms around my shoulders to support me as I leaned against him.

"You know I killed someone, Miroku. I took a life, and not just any life. The life of a little boy." _Reichi-kun_… My voice shook no matter how hard I willed it not to, and I could feel the pressure starting to build up inside of me again.

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. He opened it again, but all he said was, "I know."

After a few more minutes, he put an arm around my waist and we headed back to the hut. The hut across from ours was silent and gloomy, no lamps lit inside of it. The others weren't back yet. I briefly wondered what was taking them so long before I went in.

* * *

I sat down on the mat, grabbing the white sleeping robes that had been provided, and started to change underneath the covers as Miroku turned around, respecting my privacy. I changed so quickly in my attempt to get the clean white robes on that I almost tore the bloodstained kimono off in my haste, throwing it to the other side of the hut. I hated the feel of it, I hated the red stain that had spread all over it. 

"You can turn around now," I said quietly, unable to hide the quaver in my voice. Miroku slowly turned around, his gaze full of concern as he watched me. I just sat there, clenching the blankets in my fists, biting my lower lip. It was the only way I could prevent myself from crying.

"Sango, if you need me…" he began. I lay down, pulling the blanket up to my neck to muffle the sound of my tears. I didn't want him to see me this way. I was literally sobbing into the blankets. The only time I had cried this much before was when Kohaku had first come back, and I believed that he had remembered me. My shoulders shook with the force of my tears, and he wrapped an arm around my waist, the breath from his words brushing across the back of my neck as he tried to comfort me.

"… I'll be here."

* * *

The next morning, the group headed to Kaede's. Luckily, I had not had to face Kaori-san earlier. Although at one point, when I went out to breakfast, I had heard someone crying in one of the huts. Koichi-kun was devastated about his brother's death, and Kaori-san comforted him, looking close to tears herself. I didn't talk to either of them for the remainder of the morning. I thought for sure that she would have suspected something by my silence, but she was too concerned about her younger son, so she didn't get a chance to talk to me. Kagome-chan had talked to her, and I never found out what lie she had thought up to 'protect' whatever I had done. I didn't want to know, either. Shippou had missed the whole thing last night, and none of us felt he needed to know about it, least of all me. I still had images flashing in my mind whenever I thought about the blood from any of the demons that we had destroyed lately, Kirishi-san or Reichi-kun. 

It was a silent walk; none of us really talked. Miroku and I occasionally brushed shoulders, but didn't hold hands although I knew that he kept glancing at me as if to make sure I was okay. I really wasn't, but now was not the time to discuss it. Kagome and Inuyasha didn't know we had confessed about our feelings and for some strange reason, I felt I did not want them to know yet. At one point, however, he put an arm around my shoulders and I leaned against him, allowing him to comfort me in his own way.

We arrived at Kaede's in a sombre mood. She greeted us, her smile fading when she saw me. I must have looked exhausted or sick or something, because she immediately invited us in, sensing something was wrong.

"What be the matter?" she asked once we were seated inside.

Inuyasha crossed his arms, looking at me. Kagome-chan cast a worried look at me, then sent a glare at him. Miroku kept a protective arm around me, but I didn't rest against him. When he realized I wasn't going to speak, he talked for me.

"There is something strange going on," he told her. "Sango has not been herself lately due to an unknown presence that has most likely resided in her body."

"A demonic presence?" Kaede suggested. Miroku nodded. I opened my mouth to speak, and he squeezed my hand, offering silent encouragement.

"It takes control of my body at different times, and at one point, I blanked out. I couldn't remember what I'd done, but… I almost attacked Houshi-sama."

Kagome-chan looked horrified at my statement. "You - you attacked Miroku-sama?"

I didn't answer. Miroku shifted closer to me, and if he was any closer than he was at the moment, I would practically be in his lap, although the embarrassment didn't bother me. As a matter of fact, I wanted to be in his arms. However, Kagome-chan and Inuyasha would have something to say about that if we snuggled in front of them, and I was too shy to confirm Kagome-chan's suspicions.

"It was against her will," he explained, but with such coldness in his tone that Kagome-chan looked almost frightened. Miroku had been so protective of me lately.

Kaede looked thoughtful. "I know of a few demons that can take over the minds of humans. What else happened?"

"I had dreams that warned me about the ones I was going to - I mean, it was going to make me kill." My throat tightened and he tried to pull me into his embrace, but I resisted. No tears. Not now, later when no one would be around.

Kagome-chan's eyes widened as she observed the close contact we had, but she wisely chose not to say anything in front of the less observant ones.

"Ah. They were warnings," the old woman comprehended. "Well, I do know of a way to see what it is that has decided to reside in your body."

"How?" Miroku asked.

"An incantation," she answered. "It is the only safe way to check what kind of demon it is and how it got into your body. Please lie down on the mat across the room and relax any tension in your body."

Reluctantly I did as she asked. Miroku stayed on the other side of the room with Inuyasha and Kagome. Sometimes the best support is giving none at all, but providing silent respect for what has to be done. I could tell that he was much more worried about me than he had been earlier, and I couldn't blame him.

I had never been in possession of a demon before. Sure, Naraku had controlled me with the stupid jewel shard, pitting me against my friends by way of a simple yet twisted lie. But I had never been in direct possession of a demon like this before, and I had no control about it. It could control my body, which was bad enough, but the fact that it might possibly be taking over my mind was just… I didn't know how to describe it, but what I did know was that I have never been more scared in my life. Scared for me, and even more scared for my friends.

Kaede clasped her hands, chanting some strange words. A strange type of warmth filled me and a bright light made my body glow. Then it faded. Kaede opened her eyes and looked at me as I sat up. The expression on her face made fear build up in me.

"Child, a dream demon by the name of Tsuyuki has entered you. I do not know exactly how strong it is, but it has become strong enough to weaken the barriers that your mind has put up. You do not have much time." Seeing the despairing look on my face, she continued on. "I can perform a ritual that will allow you to fight it, to force it out of your mind. However, I do not have the items that are essential for it. You will have to travel into the east, to a place called Mount Hikoshira. The items should be somewhere at the top."

I got up, attaching my Hiraikotsu to my back. "I guess I should be heading there as soon as possible, then." It wasn't a question, it was a flat statement with a hint of guilt. My voice lowered and I avoided looking at the others. "After all, isn't it my responsibility?" No one answered, and an usual quiet fell over the group. Even Miroku didn't say anything to contradict my last sentence, and he knew.

I exited the hut, leaving the others in the uncomfortable silence. If this was the way to destroy it, I would gladly do it. It was just a matter of time now.

**I know it seems like it will only take two or three chapters to be completed, but I still have some remaining ideas written down before it will be finished. I actually haven't completed the written process of it yet, but I have the general idea of how it's going to end. Stupid Quick Edit.**

**:sighs: Well, I'm wondering whether or not to give you the meaning of Tsuyuki's name in case you're super intelligent and you somehow manage to figure out how the conflict will be resolved. I spent about a week (during the typing process of chapter 4) trying to figure out a name for it, and I ended up using bits of names.**

**Himitsu - secret**

**Yume - dream**

**Jaki - Evil**

**Lame, I know, but I don't know a Japanese dictionary, and there are so many mixed glossaries out there in Japanese that it would have taken me a while to find specific words. That, and I'm just too lazy. However, I think the name _Tsuyuki_ fits it.**


	9. Remaining Hope

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**I almost thought that no one liked this story much any more… I was highly reluctant to post it...**

**This chapter doesn't have all that much to do in terms of the main plot, it's more like a conflict that has been brushed over a few times in the earlier chapters. I'm assuming by now that you can tell that I prefer to focus on the relationship between Sango and Miroku instead of loading my chapters with action stuff that I can't really write all that well. I love describing character emotions, just not the scenery unless it's essential to the mood for that particular chapter. And yes, I am an angst freak.**

**I added in some extra things at the last minute, and took out some things, so I'm hoping that this chapter will still be a smoothly written one. **

**Blusorami: **To tell you the truth, Inuyasha and Kagome are along the lines of, "Okay, there's a demon inside of her?". I wanted Miroku to figure it out sooner, along with the "evidence" when he saw her actually kill Reichi. As for the items, they actually aren't that important, and although Sango and Miroku will find out some more information in this chapter, you won't really get more detail about the whole demon thing for a while yet. Yes, there's a sequel. Keep checking my bio for progress information.

**Ninalee-chan: **There are reasons for every problem I have created in this story. At least, I think there are. I still haven't quite figured out a way to end it properly… (just so you know, all your comments/questions were answered in the e-mail)

**YoukaiTaijiyaSango: **Thanks for the comments!

**For those out there that read the previous few chapters and haven't reviewed, please do so at the end of this chapter. I could use the motivation to type…**

I followed Sango out of the hut, then grabbed her wrist and forcefully turned her to face me. I didn't mean to sound angry, but after what Kaede had told us, the look on Sango's face had made me wonder just how long she had known this for. It was hard to mask my annoyance and hurt this time, and she knew it. "When were you planning on telling me, Sango?"

She looked away, yanking her wrist out of my grasp, anger filling her eyes and voice.

"How was I supposed to tell you? It _told_ me it would kill you if I told you, if I ever showed any sign that it was controlling me!"

"Don't you trust me?" I tried pleading.

"Miroku…" She sighed, finally meeting my gaze. Some of the anger had dissipated. "It has nothing to do with trust."

"Why didn't you tell me? We could have prevented Kirishi-san and Reichi-kun's deaths a long time ago."

Her gaze hardened at my words. "I didn't really know it had been inside of me until after Kirishi-san's death. It took control over my body, and it… it threatened me - oh, Miroku… I've already told you what happened."

"Not the direct facts," I said, and immediately regretted saying them as tears pooled in her brown eyes.

"Oh, so now you want to know the _details_ of what Kirishi-san looked like when she died?" she said angrily. "You want to know what it feels like to be controlled, to know that something evil is forcing you to do something against your will? You want to know what it feels like to take a life!" Her voice raised in volume.

"You know, maybe I should!" I shot back, starting to feel my patience wear out. "Then maybe I can understand why the hell you yell at _me_ when I'm only concerned about _you_! Maybe it would also be nice to hear an explanation of why, every time I try to comfort or assure you, you shoot my words back at me, and you refuse to be optimistic about anything! You never used to be like this, Sango. You might have been frustrated in tears about Kohaku, but you never gave up. All of a sudden, you started acting like… like… I don't know! You just -" I tried to calm myself down. The last thing the both of us needed was to get into an argument, and based on the impending pressure and tension it was causing us lately, our relationship could possibly be damaged. "- you haven't been yourself lately, Sango."

She turned around, still worked up over what I had said, and I could hear her sniffling a bit. When she spoke, she tried to sound angry, but I could detect the sorrow and guilt behind the anger. "I know. I don't mean to shut you out like that. I just… if you get too close…" She didn't continue, wiping her cheeks with her sleeve. I moved forward to embrace her. She moved away, out of the range of my grasp, and this time, I truly did feel like I was being shut out. "You… you don't understand -"

I interrupted her, now trying to calm her down. I wasn't sure exactly what she was getting at even as she was trying to explain why she had been even more emotional as usual. I just knew that I needed to get her to calm down, to get a grasp back on things at hand for now. That was enough to think about as it was, I didn't want to put more stress on our relationship. "Sango, I didn't mean what I said. I don't want to make you go through that again, and just to let you know, I would have believed you. I trust you more than anyone, and even then I knew something was going on." Why did she deliberately avoid my questions like that? Couldn't she see that I was trying to help her get through this? If I had to help her get through this, I needed some answers, and I could tell that she wasn't so eager on giving them to me.

She put a hand to her head, and I slowly wrapped my arms around her shoulders, although she didn't move into my embrace, directly against me. "I know. But just because I don't tell you something does not mean that I don't trust you." She removed her hand revealing the type of expression she wore whenever she felt sad, emotionally worn out, or lost. I pulled her closer so she would lean against me, and this time, she didn't resist, her arms going against my shoulders. "I do trust you, Miroku. I just… I don't know." Her voice lowered as she buried her head into my chest, her voice muffling a bit. "I… I'm sorry. I'm just - I'm just scared."

Sango was scared. I'd seen her scared before in death situations, whenever she reluctantly fought against Kohaku only by defending herself for fear that she'd unintentionally hurt him, or whenever I was close to death after sacrificing my health by sucking in the poison of the Saimyoushou. I have never heard her admit her fear openly before, and I opened my mouth to say something, but she continued to speak.

"I'm scared that the demon will try and make me hurt you or the others. I don't want anyone else to get injured, especially… especially you."

I let go of her, giving her a small but reassuring smile. "That won't happen," I told her.

She lifted her gaze to meet mine, her eyes filled with fear. "How do you know?" she asked, sounding worried. I tightened my hold on her, trying to comfort her with my warmth as much as possible, and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on her lips. Surprise flickered in her eyes, but just for a moment before she closed her eyes, content with being so close to me.

"Because I'm not going to let it," I said softly, leaning my head against hers so that I could feel the silkiness of her hair against my cheek.

She rested her chin on my shoulder, and as she spoke, the breath from her words lightly brushed across my neck. "I'm glad you're that determined, Miroku," she said, her voice just audible. "Because I don't know if I can be."

"You are. You just need to have confidence that things will be okay, and they can work out."

She laughed faintly, although it lacked real enthusiasm. "I think you're better at doing that."

I didn't argue, but on the inside, I disagreed. Sango had never given up before, and she allowed weakness to consume her inside, so even though she had perfected the wall that prevented others from seeing her sorrow and anger, that wall was the same one that prevented others from seeing who she really was. It prevented others from seeing just how vulnerable she was under all that pain, anger, regret, and sadness.

As for me… I was just starting to break down that wall.

But at least I was getting there.

I withdrew from her as she took a moment to regain her bearings. "We should head out now." The sooner we got to Mount Hikoshira, the better. "Wait out here for a moment, I'm just going to get our things." She nodded, her gaze thoughtful as she looked past me into the distance, and I could tell that her mind was already planning possible outcomes.

I entered the hut and grabbed Sango's Hiraikotsu, somehow managing to get it onto my back. It was so heavy. I wondered how my partner could carry it all the time, let alone use it in battle. I collected my shakujou, but before heading out, I stopped at the flap, looking at Kaede.

"You said that the items we needed were at the top of Mount Hikoshira. What are the items? Will there be any 'luring into traps' along the way?" I asked. She cast a glance to the door, then looked back at me.

"Just some purple powder called Sokori that will help the chant to work correctly and a herb by the name of Riaki."

"Is that all?"

She hesitated. "Yes… however, the conditions in which Sango is to battle the demon are rather restricted."

"Tell me about them," I said, glancing at the flap.

"I'm sorry, I can't. She may overhear us, and if I was to tell either of you what the conditions are now, it would alter your concentration about everything." She softened her anxiety-filled expression when she saw the intensity and concern in my eyes and gave me a half-hearted smile. "Please trust me, Houshi-sama. I will tell you everything when you return… and it is best to keep her mind off of things as much as possible until that point."

I nodded. "We shouldn't be gone long."

"I expect you won't be due to circumstances. There is a bird youkai, but it should be easy to defeat. It's near the very top of the mountain," she said.

"Alright. Thanks for the warning, Kaede." We exchanged a brief look of understanding.

* * *

Sango came in, wondering what was taking me so long. Inuyasha, who had been talking to Kagome-sama about recent events, leapt up.

"So, Sango, why didn't you tell us sooner?" he demanded roughly, striding over to her and looking at her directly in the face. She seemed to be a bit startled by his rude manner towards her, as she hadn't done anything, but I supposed his question explained the reason for his mood. "You should've told us a demon was trying to control you. We wasted a lot of time trying to figure what was going on, and you knew all along! What's the matter? Was this another conflict that you felt you needed to be in solitude to deal with, eh?"

I wanted to go up there and strike him across the face for saying something in such a harsh way, for automatically placing accusations on her even when he didn't really understand the issue she was going through, but the aura I felt radiating from Sango was enough to warn any of the rest of us not to interrupt. She was glaring at him, and for a moment I thought I saw fire in her eyes.

"I had my reasons," she said, her voice sounding so cold and hard that even Inuyasha appeared surprised. "I can make my own decisions, and I don't need anybody to help me, especially if I can handle it myself."

The hanyou made a rude noise. "Right. You wanted to handle _what_ by yourself? Did you even _know_ what type of demon it was? Did you even care that yourfucking pride could have gotten us all killed?"

"I…" She seemed to be trying to put down a reason to justify for her actions, an excuse for why she had hidden this for so long from us that Inuyasha would accept, but after a moment, she gave up, looking down. "I know."

"Yet you still hid this from us, you idiot. You know we would have helped you, to remove this - this _burden_ from you, but you refused. Just like all the time, you insist on being alone! You - you're so -"

Sango looked back up, and for the first time that I could remember, I noticed that Kagome and Inuyasha saw fear in her eyes. "That's because -" She swallowed and turned around, her back facing us. She didn't finish, but I knew what she was implying. Tsuyuki's threat had taken a strong hold on her.

"Alright Inuyasha, that's enough. You've given her more than enough hell about what she's done, so now you can leave her alone. Got that?"

Suddenly the room went quiet. For a moment, I wondered if I had said something wrong, and I looked at Sango. She stared back at me, a stunned expression on her face. "Sango, what did I say?" She just stood there, looking at me. I went over to her and she took a step away from me. "Sango?"

Kagome-sama and Inuyasha were watching us. Actually, Inuyasha was watching us, but Kagome-sama was the one who was carefully observing anything that could be classified as more than just friendship.

Her voice was even more quiet than usual. "Do you - do you really think _I _did it?"

"No!" I exclaimed, putting an arm around her. She looked down at the floor, shifting away from me. "Sango, I didn't mean it that way. Just let me -"

"I know you didn't. But… I'd still like to be alone for a few minutes."

Kagome-sama looked at her. "Are you sure you're alright?"

The taijiya gave her a faint smile. "I will be. Just give me a moment."

The rest of us left the room. I gathered some bags to put the items in, and Kagome-sama questioned me about Sango. "Maybe you should comfort her, Miroku-sama."

"No." I shook my head, placing my shakujou near the door and packing a bag of supplies. "She needs to be alone for a few minutes, probably to rethink things over."

"There isn't anything going on in your relationship, is there?" she asked suspiciously, giving me a knowing smile. "You seem to be getting awfully close to her without getting slapped."

I laughed weakly. "Ah well, there's a time for groping, and a time for… for non-groping," I added quickly, the more serious look coming back onto my face.

"Right, bouzou. The day you don't grope her is the day I decide to turn human by the Shikon jewel."

Kagome-sama sighed. "Inuyasha, you don't have to comment on everything."

"Well it's the truth," he said, sounding as harsh about it as he usually was. I didn't wait to hear Kagome-sama's comeback which quickly got both of them into a slight argument about being sensitive to others as I went back into the room to see if Sango was ready.

"We should get going," I told her, then turned to face Inuyasha, hardening my expression. "Next time, before you jump to conclusions about her, you should actually understand why she did what she did. She did it for a reason," I added coolly, turning and heading out. Sango took the Hiraikotsu off of my back, and I silently thanked her with a small smile, relieved from the weight.

* * *

It was a bit of a walk. It took us about an hour to reach the base of Mount Hikoshira. When I asked Sango why she didn't just ask Kirara to transform, she casually told me that she wanted to use this 'adventure' as part of an excuse to spent more time with me. I didn't tell her, but I felt so happy hearing that from her. The rare mood didn't last long when Sango turned to me as we were walking and asked, "Did she tell you what we needed to get?"

"Yeah." I didn't look at her, but I could tell she was watching me.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" she asked after a pause. I glanced at her, making sure my voice didn't sound harsh.

"I should be asking you that question. If it was important, I would have told you," I replied. She stopped and stared at the ground, the sadness returning in her features. She did that often enough during our travels after meeting Kohaku that I had come to recognize it as hurt.

Quietly she spoke. "I may not have told you about the demon and what it made me do, but I only wanted to protect you. I care about you, Miroku. I didn't want you to get hurt, please understand that." I understood, but that didn't mean I had to like the reason why. She had wanted to tell me but couldn't, fearing the demon would find a weakness and use it against her as a threat to us. Also, it wasn't right to use her actions as a excuse for my feelings.

She resumed walking. A tense silence filled the air between us. I tried to take her hand by way of a silent apology, but she shifted it out of reach by walking a bit further from me. "Sango, are you mad at me?"

She didn't glance back at me. "No. I just wish you would trust me more." She sighed wearily and stopped walking again, looking down at the ground. "You know, sometimes I feel like I have to prove myself to you. Every time something comes up, you question me about it, wondering why I never told you. It's not because I don't trust you, Miroku. I trust you more than anyone else. It's just that I couldn't tell you… because… " Her voice trailed off, her bangs obscuring her eyes as her tone took on a softer quality. She didn't say why; I knew. I had seen a trace of the youkai's hatred and menace just after she removed her blade from the boy's body. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I knew that now was not the time. She would come to me and let me know if she wanted to comforted. Right now, she needed her space. I had to respect that.

"You've asked me this question a few times. I want to know _your_ answer, Miroku," she said. "Do _you_ trust _me_?"

I nodded without hesitation. She looked up at me, faint tears sparkling in her eyes.

"Then why do you always seem to make my actions seem wrong?" she wanted to know.

"I don't mean to… I just wondered why you did what you did. That's all," I said calmly , trying not to get her so worked up. "But you explained it to me. You don't have to prove anything to me. I'm sorry for making you feel that way."

She blinked her tears back and I caught up to her, taking her hand in mine. "I was never angry with you, Miroku," she said, and we started walking again.

It didn't take us much longer to reach the base of the mountain. It was much bigger than the one we had fought the invisible youkai at, and the path looked a bit more steep.

"Why do I have this feeling that there is more to this trip than just getting the required items?" Sango commented as we observed our destination.

"Because there will be a demon to fight, then we can get the items?" I suggested.

Sango raised her eyebrows, managing a half suspicious, half surprised look. "Is that what you didn't want to tell me?" she said. "What, did you think a demon fight would have scared me from doing something like this?"

"No…" After an awkward moment of silence, we went up the steep path. We didn't get too far before Sango stopped, her body tensing. "What is it?"

Her eyes narrowed as she sent a suspicious glance in every direction. "I have this feeling we're being watched." Her hand settled on the strap of Hiraikotsu.

I looked around, not feeling any strange auras. "Kaede said that the demon would be at the top. Besides, I can't sense anything strange."

Sango didn't move from her spot, and I went back over to her. "I think you're just a bit worked up from what happened the past few days. Maybe you're just overreacting. There's nothing else here... Why would there be anything by a mountain except for birds?"

She glanced at me, then continued to look around, her hand tightening on Hiraikotsu. "I'm not overreacting about anything, Miroku. I've been trained to sense demons and strange auras, just as you have been, and I'm telling you that I can sense something. It's not very close, but I still feel like we're being watched… and I can't shake it off."

I moved her hand from the strap that attached the boomerang to her back and put my other hand on her shoulder. "Sango, I know you have been trained, but listen to me: I don't sense _anything_. Nothing at all. There's _nothing_ up here except for us and the youkai that we'll probably have to fight."

She squeezed my hand, and she seemed to relax for a brief moment, smiling faintly at me. "You don't believe me, do you?" She let go of me as I resumed our walk up the smooth path, a hint of mirth in her voice. "What if something bad happens? Then will you believe me?"

"Don't worry. If anything happens, I'll be with you," I called back over my shoulder. She still hadn't moved, that faint smile still on her face. Her hand moved back up onto the strap of Hiraikotsu.

Then I heard it. The shifting of rocks. The low rumble of rock being forced against rock as they were pushed along the ground.

It happened so fast that by the time I turned around, all I saw was a huge cloud of dust. A small avalanche had come speeding down, knocking the taijiya right off the side before I even had a chance to react. It had come down at such a speed that it would have been enough to seriously injure her, or even kill her.

"Sango!"

**The words "Sokori" and "Riaki" are just random words I thought up. If they actually do have any meanings… well, they're not that relevant to the plot.**

**This chapter really is pointless in reference to the plot, but I really wanted to write down about Miroku's frustration about not understanding why Sango won't just tell him why she did what she did, and Sango's conflicting emotions between letting him know that she trust him more than any other, but still having to hide it just because she's afraid of what Tsuyuki can do. The argument was really the only thing I had planned to write about. I tried to expand the chapter as much as possible. By the way, you can blame the PoF for my newest obsession about lengths :winks:** **… I'm sorry about the cliffy. But it does keep readers coming back for more… doesn't it?**


	10. Capability

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**I'm sorry this update was so late! I've actually had this chapter typed out for the past month, but if you read my bio you'll know why I didn't post this before. I lacked inspiration to type during the week after Chapter 9 was posted, then my dad was cleaning and organizing computer files, so that took up about half a week in which I could have been typing… and after that, I had to deal with the two summatives that I had so wonderfully neglected till the last minute, one of which was still late, and I paid for my laziness by not having two free lunch periods and missing time with my friends before class in the morning… then I had to work on them after school when I got home, and more of my time was occupied by other school related events. The rest of the time was just plain laziness.**

**But summatives (the time-consuming ones) are over, and I am concentrating much more on the completion of the remaining chapters. Not that you'll be able to read them for a long while, but yeah… :shrugs: **

**The only reason I have posted this is because it has been over half a month since I last updated, and because I like reviews. And posting. This chapter, however, will most likely be the only update until the end of May. Long time, I know, but between school and non-school related activities… they will be depleting my time like crazy. **

**Enjoy! **

**Shel: **I say that I am not a pro because the characters and backgrounds are already created. I'm only 'fooling' around with them for fanfics, as I still lack the ability to create my own. :cries:

**Blusorami: **Well, I figured it was time for Miroku to blow off some steam (frustration) about the whole thing, even though he knows it's not technically her fault that the demon has been controlling her. You won't really find out what the items are for until later. And since Comfort is only a one-shot, I just thought I'd let you know that my friend Dante got me into the San/Mir fanfics, although I let myself get overly obsessed with them and started writing this fanfic as a result. I actually started the rough draft for Chapter 1 back in early October… it seems so long ago…

**YoukaiTaijiyaSango: **I love cliff-hangers. I'm evil, aren't I?

**Inuyasha'sonlywoman: **You are asking that question to someone who writes angst as their main genre? Well, if you got hit by a bunch of rocks, I don't think you'd be okay. Would you:grin:

**Buddym: **Thanks for the encouragement… it can be very inspiring.

The rocks, or should I say small boulders, hit me, catching me completely off guard and sending waves of pain as they collided into my body. I had sensed something coming, but had been unable to figure out what it was just before it hit me. Okay, so having that creepy feeling that someone was watching you and sensing danger heading in your direction were two different things, but when demons were around, knowing that someone was spying on you was just as dangerous as if that someone was attacking you.

The force of the rocks sent me off the side of the mountain completely. Thankfully, I landed on my back on a smooth area, decreasing the chance of any boulders increasing the weight of Hiraikotsu on my body. True, it was made of rock, but it was worn smooth like the rest of the mountain path. Pain shot through my back as I landed, a few of the smaller boulders still tumbling down in my direction. There was no time to move out of the way, and even if there had been, I was completely winded. Instead, I lifted my hands to shield my face and a particularly sharp rock flew into my left arm, digging a short gash in the skin and causing a line stream of blood to fly out. Another huge rock landed on my right knee, effectively crushing it. More of the boulders managed to bruise several other parts of my body before flying off.

Then there was silence. I couldn't see anything at first because of all the dust. My own breathing sounded shallow, and small whimpers of pain were coming from my mouth. I think I might have been paralysed, but I couldn't exactly tell how much damage had been done yet.

"Sango!" It was Miroku, running down the path and jumping off the side as soon it was low enough to get to me. He knelt down beside me, putting an arm around my shoulders to lift me, but I protested.

"Don't lift me, Miroku," I said shakily, leaning against him and trying unsuccessfully to block out the pain that was shooting fire up my leg.

"Are you alright?" he asked. Without waiting for me to answer, he gently laid me down again. "I need to move that. How much did it -" He stopped, actually taking a moment to get a good look at my leg, or rather, the rock that had dug it halfway into the ground. "Oh god, Sango."

"It's crushed my leg from the knee down, but thankfully not my foot," I answered. "I'm sorry, I didn't move out of the way in time."

He stood up and put his shakujou down. Then he struggled to shift the rock off of me, groaning as he strained his weight to get it off. Finally, he managed to shove it off just enough so that he could help me up. I sat up, his arms surrounding my shoulders. "I suppose I don't need to ask you if you can walk?"

I tried to stand up, but white-hot pain shot upwards through my leg. I hated having to rely on him like this, but I had no choice. I managed a weak smile, masking my anger and irritation at the situation I had put myself into.

"I don't think I can walk," I told him, my grip on the shoulders of his robes so tight I was surprised that he didn't wince from my nails digging into the material. Either that, or he was hiding it under the concerned expression he so often wore around me lately. My knee literally hurt like hell whenever I tried to move it to take a step, even with him supporting me enough so I was almost off the ground. I hadn't felt this much pain in my body since the day that my father and comrades were killed, when the men had been ordered to shoot a volley of arrows at me. But now was definitely not the time to think about that, so I pushed it to the back of my mind where it would remain until the next time that I saw Kohaku. Right now, I needed to focus.

"We'll have to bandage it up first so it can heal. You can't fight a demon like this," he said rather sensibly. I didn't argue, choosing to remain silent. "I'll set up camp for tonight."

"For tonight?" I repeated, already starting to feel worn out. "But - didn't you tell Kaede that we'd be returning later this evening?"

He gave me a very serious look and I flushed, looking down. "Sango, look at me," he said quietly, and I did, forcing myself to look back up at him. "You're not in any conditional to travel. I don't care how strong you are; you need to rest so your leg will heal properly. If you don't, it will only get worse."

"Then what about the demon?"

"What about it? There's nothing else we can do," he said, trying to make his tone sound a bit more gentle. "The others can wait an extra day or so. We can't rush. I can still get the items, but I'm not willing to leave you behind, and I don't want you to be in constant pain if we have to fight a demon."

I think a flash of anger appeared in my eyes. I know I felt a surge of anger rush through my body at his words, and I was certain it had nothing to do with the demon now known as Tsuyuki. I was _not_ an invalid, and I hated to hear him talk about our circumstances as if I was.

"I'm not a child, Miroku, so stop treating me like I am one." My tone was unusually harsh on him, and although he winced, his expression softened with understanding as well as concern.

"Sango, this isn't about me taking care of you as if you were a child. I am your partner, your companion and friend, and I care about you. I'm not saying any of this to make you think _I_ think any less of you, I'm only concerned that if we continue too soon, you will be in even more pain." His lips brushed my forehead, and I felt my brief flare of anger quickly fade. "And I don't want to see you in any pain, not if I can do anything about it."

* * *

We spent a few minutes setting up camp, or at least Miroku did, seeing as I couldn't walk. I couldn't help but feel guilty. I was the one who had wanted to do this, to get rid of Tsuyuki, yet it was because of me that we were now delayed. What was worse, I remembered that Kaede had said that we didn't have much time left, and now that we were delayed about a day short, how much time would we have left?

Would I have to feel the blood on my hands one more time before destroying Tsuyuki? Not that it mattered much; what was worse than taking a human life? Especially children, for they never had much of a chance to discover the world outside their villages, and now they never would. Because of me… and for that, I hated myself for not having been able to prevent it from happening.

Miroku had me lie down on a mat with his robes wrapped like a pillow, supporting my head. Carefully he helped me remove my taijiya outfit, although the pain just couldn't be helped, and several times I bit down on my lip so hard in order to restrain myself from crying out in pain that it bled. He gave me a blanket to shield the nudity of my chest and lower area as I helped him pull the other end of the battle outfit off. He drew in a short breath as he saw the bruised flesh and blood.

"Sango, it looks like the bone has almost been bent back. It's bruised enough to prevent you from going anywhere, that much I'm sure of. There's not much blood, but the muscle has been twisted. I don't think you'll be able to try to walk for a short while, and you definitely won't be able to handle Hiraikotsu." He put a bunch of bandages into a cast, wrapping it around the bruised skin and taking care not to jostle it.

"I'm sorry," I said. He finished fixing my leg, rolling up a blanket to support it and sat behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin lightly on my shoulder to make me feel more comfortable, but the truth is, I wasn't more comfortable. In fact, it almost caused me more pain.

"For what?" he said, his breath tickling my neck.

"For… for delaying us like this. If I had acted faster," I started. "Maybe -"

"Hey," he said softly. "It wasn't your fault. "You can't blame yourself for every bad thing."

"But if I had just -"

"No. Don't get yourself down so much. You're strong, but you're not unbeatable, Sango." He moved his lips downward to kiss the skin on my neck, perhaps to calm me down a bit, but I shifted away, uncomfortable with being held so intimately at a time like this.

"Houshi-sama, don't - " I protested. As much as I enjoyed feeling his touch on my body or his calming presence nearby, I really did not want that type of reassurance right now.

He apologized, resting his cheek against my hair instead. "I'm sorry," he said, his hands rubbing my tummy. I stopped him, stilling his hands with a pressured grip. "Sango?"

I wasn't upset so much as frustrated, and the well of emotion I had been trying to hide to hold back erupted. He held me closer if that was possible, rubbing my shoulders in a soothing motion, telling me that everything was going to be okay. I seriously doubted that, but I didn't tell him.

At last I managed to speak, my voice shaking and barely audible. "This is just frustrating me so much!" I took a deep breath, willing myself to get a grip on my feelings and emotions. "I can't even walk! I won't be able to fight. I'm just a liability to you Miroku. I can't do this… I just want to give up. If I can't fight, how else can I defeat this demon inside of me?"

He moved my hands away from my face and spoke softly and slowly to make sure I understand what he was saying. "You are not a liability, Sango. You are not just a battle companion; you are more than that. You are my partner - for everything we do. You spend time with me, you train with me, you rest beside me, you care about me. I love you, Sango. No matter how weak you think you are, physically or emotionally, to me you are still strong, and that's all I care about. You are still you no matter what obstacles you have to deal with. You have dealt with more than anyone else in the group. True, I know at times you feel more vulnerable than anyone else because of it, but… god, Sango. A human being can only take so much. You are the strongest person I have ever met, and even when things seemed to be in despair you did not give up, because you knew you had to do something about it. _You_ matter to me, not how you fight or how brave you are. Just you, Sango."

If I hadn't been feeling so frustrated and upset, I'm sure I would have blushed. I laid my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, and closed my eyes. One of his hands wiped a tear from my cheek and I held him as tightly as I could, which wasn't very tight at all considering my weakened position.

"Miroku, what are we going to do about the mountain demon tomorrow?"

He laced his fingers through mine. "I'll fight it." Then, as if he knew what I was going to say, he continued. "It's okay, Sango. Don't worry about it. Just relax for tonight." The rest of the afternoon was silent, each of us in our own thoughts.

When evening finally came, he put a smaller bundled up blanket at the back of my head so I could lean back and still be able to watch him move around as he prepared supper. He unpacked some ramen packets he had brought along with us. "I know it's not much," he said apologetically, "but it was the only thing I grabbed just before we headed out that would last us."

"It's alright. I'm not that hungry anyway." I didn't mean to, but I was starting to sound extremely edgy. "You go ahead and eat."

He put a pot over the fire, putting the handle around the stick that was a good number of inches above the fire. Then he opened the packets and started to break them into smaller amounts, dropping them in the pot. "I need some water," he said, thinking aloud. "I'll be back in a few minutes, and _don't_ try to get up."

"I couldn't go anywhere even if I wanted to," I said dryly, and after a moment in which he stared at me, a flicker of annoyance in his eyes, he got up and left. Although he remained silent about my statement, I could tell that he was starting to lose patience with me.

I was staring into space, thinking about him and my brother and Naraku, trying to get my mind off of the situation at hand when a familiar, chilling voice entered it, immediately making me panic.

_**It's been a while since we've talked, hasn't it, taijiya?**_

I didn't answer. Maybe if I ignored it, it would go away. Unfortunately, not only did it have access to my thoughts, it seemed to be able to predict what I was going to think.

_**Yes, it's been quite a while, although you still managed to keep me strong. That little boy didn't put up much of a struggle, did he? Rather disappointing.**_

_Leave me alone. _The tension that had settled down in my stomach shortly after talking to Kaede was quickly building back up again at the mention of Reichi-kun.

**_Leave you alone? _**It laughed, although I was the only one who could hear it. It sounded like a dry rattling sound, the laughter only identifiable by the sound of the vibration in the multi-sounding voice. It almost made my head ache, and I fought to keep my head blank of any thoughts concerning what would happen if I let it take control again. **_You are already alone. On the inside, you feel more alone than you have ever felt before._**

I chose not to argue, as this was true. Miroku did know about the demon, heck, all of them did now, but he was the only one who had seen me actually take the life of a child and all the blood. However, he didn't know how it felt to have to your body act of its own will against what you wanted it to do. However, he didn't know the guilt and frustration of struggling to keep a knife away from digging into skin to tear out the flesh. He didn't know how helpless I really felt.

_I am… I am alone. _

_**Yes, you are. Or at least, you are on the inside. You let my secret escape, didn't you? **_

_The secret about you killing the children? _

_**That was your one true weakness, taijiya. You let the houshi know. **_

_You controlled me that one time when you threatened the dagger out at him. _You _did that! Not me!_

_**I did. And it was a warning to stay away. He was a fool, and now his concern for you will be his downfall. **_

_What do you mean?_

_**I will kill him. **_

_I'll die and trap you within my mind before I let you do something like that. _I would not let it near Miroku. I would _not_.

**_He doesn't suspect you as a threat yet, now does he? _**The voice now had a taunt in its tone. **_Which means that if I were to force you towards the river, where he has gone to get water, I could kill him. He would not put up any defence against the one he loved, would he? _**

_No! I won't let you! _I steeled my body, preparing for it to start moving on its own accord. _I refuse to! _

_**Pitiful. You can't even walk properly, yet you still dare to challenge my plans? Humans like you amaze me. **_

_Leave me ALONE! _

_**Well, just for fun. Let's see how your Houshi-sama will react to your secret attack, shall we? **_

_No… _

Even as I protested, I got up. The pain in my leg hadn't started to recover, and it shot up my leg, making me stumble. "No!" I did manage to say the word out loud, not much louder than a whisper, praying that Miroku would hear it and sense something was wrong before this demon, _Tsuyuki_, got to him, but no luck. _Damn it Miroku, how long does it take to get water! __Soon I won't be able to speak at all… just like the other times…_

It made me head down the path where Miroku had gone, and not too far off, I could see him. He had gotten the water and was looking along the bushes for some herbs, which didn't look like such an easy thing in the increasing darkness, but he hadn't sensed Tsuyuki advancing in his direction. My hand shook as I reluctantly reached for the katana, trying my best to scream out a warning to the monk.

"Miroku…" Once again, the word sounded strained, and my level of panic only increased as it came out in a whisper. "Please… turn around…"

He didn't, but I could see him stiffen, and I knew he was intently listening for suspicious sounds. After all, he was a monk and had the ability to sense strange auras.

_**Be silent. **_

_No._

_**If you don't remain quiet, unlike the last time, I will make sure that he dies the slowest way possible. **_

_Don't. You. Touch. Him. _

My unusual spur of anger was enough to make Tsuyuki hesitate for a moment, and I fell to the ground, gasping from the effort of preventing the demon from taking control of me. Miroku turned around and saw me on all fours on the ground. "Sango!"

"Miroku…" I dug my fingernails into the ground, struggling to speak. Tsuyuki was still in control, and I didn't want to hurt Miroku, not if I could do anything about it. "Please… go…"

"What is it, Sango?" he said urgently, placing his hands on my shoulders and trying to make me meet his gaze, but I couldn't. "Is the demon trying to regain control of you? Sango?"

I couldn't allow Tsuyuki even a split second of control, and to do that, I could not move from my position. "Miroku…" I stared intently at the ground, making my mind go blank and bracing myself for any extra commands that it would force me to do. My fingers clenched into the ground as I tensed my body. In the beginning, it was weak, but it had still been able to force me to grab my katana and kill Kirishi-san, and now it would be strong enough to attack the monk with little resistance from me simply because I had been stupid enough not to move out of the way when the boulders had almost crushed me into the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing with all my strength to make it go away.

_**Strange. I thought that even with a useless leg you would be able to do this. Don't worry, I'll numb your pain so you can do it. **_

_I won't kill him. _

_**The amount of determination you have fascinates me, taijiya. Why haven't you given up yet?**_

_Because… _Miroku's words from earlier flashed through my mind.

"…_even when things seemed to be in despair you did not give up, because you knew you had to do something about it…"_

_Because I can't. No matter what, I can't give up. I won't. _

_  
_It was that, more than anything, that forced Tsuyuki to relinquish control over me, and I collapsed into his arms, too tired to think or say anything any longer. The only thing I was vaguely aware of was his arms going around me, and the soothing tone of his voice as he held me.

* * *

However, even in sleep, I did not have a chance to regain my rest and strength.

_I was standing in a forest, the trees and bushes blurry. I was alone; there was no one else with me. I looked down, and I saw my katana lying on the ground in front of me. Slowly, I reached down to pick it up, and the moonlight glimmered off of the silver surface of the blade. I could hear a man laugh in the distance, and another replied. I started to walk, moving at a moderately fast pace, the katana held out in the same position that it had been in just before I killed Reichi-kun. Moving faster and tightening my grip on the sword, the sound of the second man's voice said something and moved away, heading into a clearing not too far from where I was. I threw the blade just before I entered the clearing, and I could tell that by the strangled scream of pain that I had been directly on target, although I had not actually seen the man yet. The dull thud of a body hit the ground, and I stepped into the clearing, my face still devoid of any emotion. Although my vision was blurred and the colour was the palest it could be without calling it grey, I still recognized the fallen figure. Oh, god. No… I couldn't have… I just couldn't have. _

I woke up the next morning, sweat covering my body and my breathing coming in shorter gasps. Miroku was resting behind me; he had me lean onto his stomach and chest as I slept. I was on my side, on my uninjured leg, my head on his lap. I had not been able to unconsciously feel his warmth throughout the night, and that scared me even more than the dream had. I was losing my connection with him.

He woke up, his eyes instantly filling with concern as soon as he saw that I was awake. "Sango… are you alright?" he asked me, stroking my hair. "What happened last night?"

"Tsuyuki… it took control of me," I whispered, staring at the forestry but not really seeing it. "It - it nearly made me kill you."

He didn't say anything for another moment, his hand going up and down my back to calm me. "It's okay."

"Miroku, I don't mean to complain or anything, but could we - could we just stay like this for a little longer?" I pleaded.

"I'll cook some breakfast for us in a few minutes," he said, gathering me closer.

Seeing as I hadn't had any supper last night, due to Tsuyuki's interruption, I should have been starving. Food was the last thing on my mind though, and I buried my head into his lap, the familiar salty sting coming back into my eyes. "I'm not hungry."

He sighed. "You need to eat something."

"I should just let myself die," I said bitterly, my voice muffled. "All I'm doing is putting more people in harm, and I don't even know if I stand a fighting chance with - with _Tsuyuki_." I spat out the name in hatred, hating it, hating everything I had practically _allowed _it to do. Hating the part of me that was physically weak. I was a taijiya; these things were not supposed to happen to me.

"No, you listen to me," he said firmly, putting a finger under my chin to force me to look up at him. There was pain in his eyes, combined with frustration and understanding, and something else I rarely saw: anger. Miroku was normally a calm person, remaining composed, always reassuring me that things would turn out okay in the end. But as he spoke, his voice shook just the slightest and tears were in his eyes. "You're not going to give up. The Sango I know would never give up, no matter how great the odds are. It is _not_ your fault that Tsuyuki took control of your body, do you hear me? And about last night, you were under its control. I could tell that you were straining against it, and you lasted longer than I would have. You're stronger than all of us, Sango. So don't you dare think that dying is the only way out!"

He pulled me up against him, grabbing me in a tight embrace as he buried his face into my hair. I threw my arms around his neck, burying my head into his shoulder. I didn't want him to see the tears in my eyes. I wanted to feel the strengthening comfort that I had come to depend on, only from him. Because when it was Miroku, it was special.

"Besides," he continued, looking at me as we finally pulled away. "Who would slap me when I act 'perverted'?"

I laughed, a sound that I hadn't heard myself make for a long, long time. It felt good. I knew he was simply trying to change the mood of things, and I let him. "My ghost would return to haunt you if I caught you flirting with others, Miroku," I teased him, moving closer to stare into his eyes. They were a deep blue, and at this present moment, filled with light happiness.

He moved his head downward to catch my lips in a light kiss, and I shyly returned it. Then I relaxed against him, just wanting to close my eyes and drift off to sleep, his warmth enveloping me and making me feel safe, but I knew it would never happen. Whenever I did dream, all I dreamt about was Kirishi-san, Reichi-kun, and now, Kohaku's dying body in my arms. In the dreams, his blood covered my clothes and his blank eyes stared accusingly into mine. His voice was soft, no more than the dying whisper that left his lips when he had been killed by the archers, but the words had torn into me.

"_You failed to protect me, Ane-ue. It's all your fault._"

I blocked his voice and image from my mind, and concentrated on more pleasant matters. I snuggled against Miroku, wanting so many things, yet none of them seemed to be possible. I wanted Kohaku to regain his memories without having to carry the guilt that he should not be carrying at the age of eleven. I wanted to have a proper relationship with Miroku. I wanted Naraku dead. I wanted Inuyasha to reveal how much he loved Kagome so my friend wouldn't constantly be hurt every time he ran off to find Kikyou. I wanted… so much, only too much. Most of it was most likely impossible, and it would remain that way.

After a few minutes, Miroku stood up, easing himself up from the comfortable way that our bodies were positioned against each other. He made sure I was still comfortable, my back supported by a bundled blanket against the tree. "I'll make some breakfast," he said, searching through the bag for some paper plates and some chopsticks to put aside. "And… I'll go get some herbs for your pain." I nodded and looked away.

"Sango?" he said quietly, and I looked back at him. "I'll be back soon this time."

It didn't take long for Miroku to catch a few small fish. He cooked them over a low fire until they were just warm enough to eat, then put one on a plate and handed it to me. Then he put one on his own plate and, using his chopsticks, managed to dig into it and separate it into smaller chunks.

I cut off a piece and chewed it. We sat there in silence for a bit until a thought occurred to me. "Hey Miroku," I said, setting down my chopsticks for a moment and looking over at him. The monk looked over at me, his expression curious. "What would you have done if this had ever happened to you?"

He picked up a chunk of fish and stuck it into his mouth. After swallowing he answered, "Give it time to heal and keep a positive attitude about it." Although his answer was meant to sound casual, I could hear hints of evident frustration and accusation towards my rather negative outlook about things although he tried to hide it.

I flushed, looking down at my plate of food, which didn't seem very appetizing anymore. Then again, I hadn't really been hungry from the start, so what was left of my appetite vanished. The crackling of the fire filled the silence, then I spoke. "I'm sorry. I try to be but… " I sighed, lowering my voice. "It's… it's hard."

"You'll make it through this, Sango," he told me firmly.

I doubted that very much, but Miroku obviously had confidence in me.

After breakfast, we headed out to the mountain. Miroku had to carry me, and despite my complaints of his "lecherism" (which he had not displayed to me for the past half week), he insisted that I go on his back. It was really quite pleasant, and to be honest, the only reason that I complained was so that he couldn't brag to the others that he had carried me simply because he cared so much about me, and that I had done so willingly.

Once we reached the top, he settled me down on the ground, and I gave him a faint smile, assuring him that I was alright. The bird youkai near the edge of the mountain attacked him, and he threw some of the ofudas at it, quickly destroying it. The Sokori and Riaki were collected and put in plastic bags, and he stuffed them into the small bag.

He came back over, helping me up and back onto him. "We should head back to Kaede's," he said, putting the small bag into one of the inside pockets of his robes and making sure I was secure.

"Inuyasha and Kagome-chan are probably waiting for us," I reminded him. He sighed.

"I'm aware of that, Sango, but you're more important to me than the _expectations_ of our friends," he calmly replied, making a light blush settle over my cheeks. "We'll head back to Kaede's, but if at any point you don't feel well, then we're going to stop for a rest, no matter how insignificant the pain is or how little we've travelled." He gentled his tone a bit. "I only want you to heal properly. I'm not trying to treat you like… like an invalid," he finished.

"I know," I whispered, and I laid my head on his back and closed my eyes.

* * *

We made our way down the path and started to head back in the direction of Kaede's village. However, we didn't get very far before Hachi swooped down from the sky into his little form. He looked slightly anxious as always whenever he came to talk to us about something, and this time was no exception.

"Miroku-sama!" he said. "Miroku-sama, I need to talk to you!"

The monk shifted me as he turned to look at the tanuki. "What's the matter? It sounds urgent."

"Mushin-sama wishes to see you," he said, still panting from his haste in getting to us. Obviously he had flown for some time before finding us.

"He does? Why is that? Is there something going on at the monastery?" Miroku asked. Before the tanuki could answer, Miroku continued on, this time sounding a bit anxious himself. "Did something happen to him, Hachi?"

Hachi shook his head. "No, no, Mushin-sama is perfectly fine. Well, as fine as he normally can be while having a drink, anyway. But he told me that he wants you to visit him. He wishes to talk to you about the matter of your Kazaana."

**I am such a sentimental freak. :is referring to the conversations: The scene with Tsuyuki actually replaced a few original scenes that I had previously written down, but I think it fits this chapter a lot better. Check my bio for news updates on progress.**


	11. Worry and Fear

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Inuyasha, I wouldn't be writing this. (In other words, I don't own it.)

**It's funny when you write a chapter down, only to change the direction of it as you type it out longer. The dialogue of the characters is rather important in this chapter. :grins: I just love writing from Miroku's POV. **

**Blusorami: **:blinks: You sounded confused about the last chapter… was it about the dream paragraph? Although I really appreciate the encouragement.

**Ninalee-chan: **You liked my action sequence:looks slightly embarrassed: Well, I'm happy to know that you find it decent. Of course she wouldn't allow him, he's her closest companion! Cliffhanger:goes to reopen chapter 10 to remember how it ended and frowns: That's… not really a cliffhanger. Action isn't my strong point, angst definitely is, but yeah, I learned that fluffy angst was my strong point a long time ago, around chapter 3. I also love typing out sentimental conversations between Miroku and Sango. But hey, you figured that out a long time ago, didn't you?

**YoukaiTajiyaSango: **It makes me feel good to know that people like this story. I'm not evil :shifty eyes: … just manipulative. Hey, I can't help it if I love tormenting the characters!

**Buddym: **Actually, I don't usually lack inspiration to write… I lack inspiration to type. Well, the Driver's Ed course has been delayed until the summer :is happy about that, but in its previous place lies the not so wonderful option of studying for exams. I was going to post this during the last week of May, but I'm halfway through Chapter 15, so I thought, "Why not?". Besides, I love to receive reviews for this story. And no, I wasn't offended by your comment. I like the encouragement.

**There's just one thing I don't understand. You guys keep saying that there was a good cliffhanger at the end of last chapter… :looks confused: That wasn't really meant to be a cliffhanger, unless you were referring to Sango's "dream" in italics near the end. :shrugs: You guys have me so confused, and this is my story. Oh well. **

**On with the chapter!**

I felt Sango's body tense up on my back, her head lowered behind my shoulder, but I couldn't offer her any reassurance for Hachi's words simply because of where her legs and body were. Well, if I wanted to change her mood and make her forget about everything for the moment, I could always try to rub her behind by shifting my hand just a bit further up…

And get smacked and yelled at later for being the inconsiderate lecher that I am.

Well, I try to be considerate, at least when it comes to Sango. Not that she would believe it, but I do know when it's seriously not a good time to piss her off, and this was one of them. Besides, I would be taking advantage of her physical vulnerability, and I knew she would never forgive me for that. The most I could do at the moment was take control of the discussion, which I did.

"Hachi, could we please discuss this after we get to Mushin-sama's? Sango needs to rest and I know I could use a good rest," I added.

The tanuki nodded, scurrying back to Mushin-sama's. I followed him in silence, although my concern for Sango's reaction to his words increased as the silence drew between the three of us. "Are you alright?" I asked her. I had gotten to know her well enough that I didn't always have to look at her to know what she was feeling, and in our current situation, I would have had to crane my neck to be able to see her. She was quiet for a moment, then she spoke in a low voice.

"I suppose I don't really need to tell you that I'm not," she said. "You know, I didn't think things could get any worse from this point onwards. But when Hachi came…" She trailed off and I knew what she was thinking.

"Don't start panicking for nothing," I told her, easily keeping within distance of Hachi, but at the same time, making sure I stayed far enough behind that he couldn't hear our conversation.

"Panicking for nothing?" She raised her voice a bit more, and I felt her chin leave my shoulder. "Houshi-sama - Miroku, every time we visited Mushin-sama in the past, it was regarding your Kazaana. And every time he joked around about you having only three days left to live, I wanted to punch him. Your Kazaana is not considered an irrelevant issue, Miroku."

"I know, Sango. Believe me, I know that more than anyone."

"Then why do you act like it's not?"

"I'm not, I just don't like to let that matter concern me until it's time." Damn it. This was turning into an argument too quickly. I had never argued with Sango like this before, and I really didn't want to now.

She didn't say anything, but I heard her swallow back tears and I apologized. "Sango, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so…"

"Let's just get to Mushin-sama's for now," she said quietly, lying her head back against my neck. I couldn't tell if she was angry or not, but I would have to wait until later to speak with her.

* * *

It took us about another half an hour until we got to Mushin's. The walk wasn't all that long, but to me, it seemed to take forever. I was starting to get more than just a little tired, and judging by the silence and the weight of her body pressing into my back, I thought Sango had fallen asleep. 

Mushin was on the front porch, and I waved at him, motioning for him to stay silent as I approached. "I'll just settle Sango down inside and I'll be right out to speak with you, Mushin-sama." He nodded, and of course he had a jug of sake in his hand, which he lifted to his lips and began drinking it.

I carefully set her down on a tatami mat, not wanting to wake her when she was finally getting some much needed rest, but then she opened her eyes, not looking the least bit sleepy. I could also tell that by the expression on her face that she was determined to make me see reason about why we were here.

"Miroku… what Hachi said," she began. I didn't give her a chance to continue as I went to get a cloth, water and some bandages.

"Don't worry about what he said." I returned back to her, but she had shifted away, staring at the wall across from us.

"Give me a reason not to," she shot back. I felt my temper flare up as I momentarily forgot about the bandages.

"You don't understand! You don't have the Kazaana, so you don't know what it feels like to know that any moment of any day you could suddenly die, without warning! You haven't lived with this - this _hellhole_ in your hand for most of your life. You have a _future_!"

As soon as I finished saying it, or rather, shouting it, I felt bad. The frustration that built up in me from her lack of determination to solve things about Tsuyuki and her physical capabilities died down quickly. She didn't turn around and face me, nor did she say anything. She just sat there, staring ahead, and making me wonder what she was thinking. Did she think I blamed her for the Kazaana?

"Sango… I… I'm sorry…"

She still didn't turn around to face me, instead choosing to use words instead of her actions. "No, I don't. Maybe I don't know what it's like to have the Kazaana and knowing it could kill me. But I'm just as scared as you are about it. You mean more to me than you think you do, and now that we're going to live together, I wonder if something will happen that will take you away from me. I don't want that to happen."

"That's not going to happen," I said, trying to sound firm, but deep down inside wondering if something terrible was going to happen to either of us.

"How do you know?" she said, anger starting to colour her tone. When I opened my mouth to contradict her negativity, she continued on, finally turning her face to look at mine. "No! Don't even go there! Things are _not_ going to be alright! You can't keep pretending that everything will be resolved in the end, Houshi! You know as well as I do that things won't just be fixed with a battle, or with ofudas and Hiraikotsu! Damn it Miroku, why can't you act like a regular human being with feelings, instead of being so calm and collected about everything!"

Angry tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, although she didn't wipe them away. I didn't answer her, taking off the old bandages and being as gentle as possible when washing the bruised skin, and applying the new ones. As soon as I finished, she shifted herself into a more comfortable position. I was about to sit behind her so she could relax, but she stopped me.

"I don't want to offend you Houshi-sama, but I just want to be alone for a bit." Despite her attempt at a lighter tone of voice, I could tell that she was still angry with me about the Kazaana. Not only that, I could tell because she had used my title rather than my name. Which, by the way, hurt quite a bit, but I supposed that after she had time to recollect her thoughts, we would get over this very slight argument.

"Alright. If you need anything… "

"I'll be okay."

And that was that.

* * *

I went out to talk with Mushin, noticing that the jug was now three quarters empty. Shaking my head, I sat down next to him. "You couldn't wait till after we got here, could you? Then I could talk to you for once and not the sake that's filling your brain." 

"Well, you're talking to me now, aren't you?" Mushin replied, calmly taking another sip of the wine. Although he was already partially drunk, he could still have a half decent conversation with me. Whether or not he remembered talking about any particular subject later was a different story.

I sighed. "Alright. What is it you wanted to talk to me about? Hachi says it was the Kazaana."

"You know that you only have a certain amount of time to live. I suggest that you use it to finish hunting down Naraku," Mushin told me, setting the jug down. I didn't answer, gazing down at the covered palm of my hand that held the Kazaana. His voice softened.

"I noticed that it is only you and Sango-san this time," he said.

I felt my cheeks darken slightly and I looked away, uncomfortable with the change of topic.

"You care about her, don't you? I can tell," he added, smiling faintly. That old monk may not have been much more than a drunk, but he was still observant.

"Mushin-sama, what does she have to do with anything? What were you going to tell me regarding Kazaana?" I said forcefully, turning back to give him my serious expression.

"Just that you should be careful when you use it," he said smoothly, sitting back down. The important air in his words was gone now, and he was just a man pouring sake down his throat again.

I watched him, slightly amused. "Is that all you _ever_ do nowadays?"

He looked at me, offended. "It's only my third jug, boy!"

I got up, shaking my head. "I'm going to go for a walk and meditate at that waterfall. You know, that place where I used to go all the time before I started travelling? I'll be back in a short while. Tell Sango not to worry if she asks where I am."

* * *

Not long after I left, Sango came out. She was able to walk, but it tired her out quickly, and the pain still ached throughout her leg. 

"Mushin-sama," she said quietly, putting her hands in her lap and leaning against the side of the porch to rest for a moment.

He sat there, the jug now empty. "You're Miroku's companion, aren't you?"

A light blush rose in her cheeks and she stammered out an answer. While she enjoyed having a more intimate relationship with me, she wasn't quite as comfortable letting others notice it. "We - we do travel together, but really… we - we -"

He looked over at her, a knowing smile on his face. "But you care about him, perhaps beyond that of friendship?" he suggested. When she looked away, not ready to openly admit it, he silently confirmed his own answer, although he let her think up a response.

"I…" Even though we had confessed our feelings for each other, she was still shy about our relationship, let alone letting others know. She sighed, feeling the tension build back up in her body from his question. "I do…'

"Then I guess I should tell you the truth," he said after a pause, casually looking away from her to look into the distance as she switched her gaze to him. It was not the words that caught her attention, but the tone of his voice and the rare intensity of seriousness that it held, which was something Mushin rarely ever showed.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You know all about the Kazaana," Mushin began, watching her carefully. "You know that the insect poison can be ucked in and that it can kill him if he takes too much of it in. You also know that it gets a little wider each year."

She nodded, fear creeping up her spine, making the panic inside of her increase steadily as he spoke.

"I'm afraid to have to tell you this, but Miroku only has a year at most to live before his Kazaana destroys him," he said quietly.

"What." She turned around, grabbing the collar of his shirt, her fear freezing her entire body clouding her mind. "He only has a year to live? You're joking, right? As always? It's just a joke, right!"

He wearily shook his head, her frantic hold on his shirt not seeming to have any effect on him at all. He seemed so calm about it that it was almost like he could have been talking about anyone else that passed by the monastery. "He doesn't know. It is your choice whether or not tell him, but he will not have enough time to defeat Naraku." Mushin stood up, patting her shoulder. "Spend as much time with him as possible."

She had sat back down again, trying to calm herself, the serene way he announced Miroku's fate and told her that she would have to be the one to tell him made her thoughts seem disorientated in disbelief for a moment. She shook her head, a wave of dizziness threatening to overwhelm her at the possibility of a future without the monk. It took all she had to keep her voice steady with suppressed emotion. "You expect me to tell someone that I love that he doesn't even have a year to live and that the one goal he wanted to badly to claim will never be within his reach. No," she whispered, abruptly standing up and blocking him. A surge of anger passed through her. "I can't do that. You - you're his foster father, you have to tell him."

"You're afraid to be without him," Mushin simply stated, ignoring the anger in her voice. "But you have to be the one to tell him, because… " He sighed, the first hints of sadness she was able to detect filling his voice. "… because you're the closest to him."

A tear spilled down her cheek and she angrily wiped it away, her hand shaking. "I can't tell him. He - he's been wanting to do this since before - since before he joined us. It was his only goal, and now that… " She took a deep breath, momentarily burying her pain deep down so she wouldn't come apart in front of Mushin like this. "Now that I know he won't be able to make it… how can I tell him? The only hope he had about his Kazaana will fade away, and… I don't want to see that happen."

"He has no choice but to accept it." He brushed past her and went into the temple. She stood there for a moment, internally debating on whether or not she could face Miroku after what Mushin had just told her, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to keep going like this. Now that she knew… she wouldn't be able to hide it. I would know if something was wrong.

She sat back down again, putting her head in her hands. In truth, she didn't want to think about anything that had happened recently over the past few days. First they always had to be on the lookout for demons or any other surprises that Naraku would occasionally send after them, or the demons that just happened to be around the villages they passed by, then Tsuyuki decided to take possession of her body, so she had to constantly keep her muscles tensed in case it wanted to control her. Now… now she had just learned of Miroku's true fate and getting rid of Tsuyuki didn't seem so urgent. It actually was, for fear of the safety of the rest of the group and whatever other innocents it was planning to kill, but for her future…

She would help the others defeat Naraku without Miroku. Then she would have to take out the shard in Kohaku's back, allowing Kagome to complete the jewel. Then, seeing as her brother would be buried in the ground and that Kagome would most likely have to stay in her own time once their mission was complete, she would die. She would take her own life and join her family and partner in the afterlife. There was nothing else to do if she remained.

It was at that moment that I had decided to come back. I had cleared my mind of all frustration, impatience and even a bit of anger, ready to try and talk to Sango about when we should be heading back. I stopped when I saw her sitting there. She was as still as she usually was when she was feeling upset, her hair covering her face, and a bottle of sake was standing a few inches away. Mushin had obviously talked to her.

"Sango."

She didn't reply. I went over sat down next to her, trying to see her expression, but she didn't look up. Gently I reached out and touched her shoulder, and she reluctantly looked back at me. A few stray strands of hair remained over her expression, and her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

"Sango, what's wrong? What did he say to you?" I put an arm around her waist and she turned to face me, pain and anguish in her gaze.

"He told me about the Kazaana," she said, her voice wavering with held back emotion. "I really didn't want to tell you this, but I have to, since it's inevitable. You have - you have a year at most to live."

"A year?" I repeated. "Are you sure he wasn't joking?"

She looked back down, wiping her eyes. A sniffle escaped her and I held her tighter against me.

"It'll be okay. We'll defeat Naraku and I'll get rid of this Kazaana," I said, trying to console her.

"No." The word was barely a whisper.

"Yes, we will."

"We don't have enough time. We won't be able to defeat him in time, Miroku." Her voice broke and she wiped her eyes again, trying to hold back the flood of emotion. "When you die… I'll die with you."

"Sango." I forced her to look up at me. "Don't say that."

She looked upset, her voice still trembling and barely audible. "If you can't be with me, then let me die with you. Please, Houshi-sama… Miroku."

"I could never allow that to happen," I said softly, taking her hand in mine and squeezing it. She grasped mine, her expression starting to look thoughtful despite the emotional pain of hearing my fate. I did not like what she was saying. She wanted to give up if I left her, and I didn't want her to do such a thing. "Sango, you still have much to live for. You have your whole life ahead of you." I tugged my hand from hers and cupped her cheek.

She closed her eyes for a moment, then spoke, her voice breaking as tears spilled down her cheeks. "Not - not without you," she finally managed to say, then buried her face in my shoulder. Her body shook even as she tried to hold back the tears.

"Sango… " I didn't know what to say to that. I knew that if she ever died and I didn't that I would be most likely be saying the same things as she was. I didn't want to consider a future without her by my side. I wanted to wake up every morning and know she was there, even if the first thing I got from her was a stinging slap across my cheek rather than a good morning kiss. I wanted to have the chance to marry her, and tell her that things were going to be alright. I wanted to see her smile and laugh again, like she used to in the past before her brother was possessed and her village destroyed. I just didn't want her to give up on everything because I wouldn't be there, even though I understood how difficult everything seemed when you didn't have someone to tell you that things would work out okay.

But all I could do was hold her and hope that it would give her the comfort she so desperately wanted at the moment. She wrapped her arms around me and as the flow of tears decreased, she pressed her head in the spot between my head and shoulder, gradually becoming calm. After a short while, I heard her breathing steady itself, and her desperate hold on me turned into a much more relaxed hold. I did not want to ruin this moment but I had to ask her something.

"What about Kohaku?"

She inhaled the scent of my robes, I guess wanting to reassure herself that I wasn't going anywhere, and sat back as I gently wiped the tearstains from her face. "What about him?" she asked, looking down and fiddling with the hem of her kimono. For the first time since meeting her, I noted how her voice did not become filled with sadness and anger at the mention of her brother's name.

I put a finger under her chin and raised her gaze to meet mine. "You said you wanted to give up if I died. What about Kohaku? Doesn't he need you?"

"He does, but…" She sighed, moving her hand up to touch the side of my face. "… but he can't be with me. He can't live without the shards, and if he were to survive… if there was a way to keep providing him with life, he would be overtaken with guilt and shame, even though…" She lowered her voice, her expression taking on a slightly wistful one. "… even though it wasn't his fault. He would still be suffering, and I don't know if I could help him through that."

"The rest of us could help him," I reminded her. "You know all I… all I want is…" I don't know why, but I was afraid to say it. I don't want to let her know just how much her happiness meant to me. It meant more to me than destroying the Kazaana, but if I were to truly provide her with a happy future, then I had no choice. I wanted to get her brother back to her, with all of his memories intact and not burdened with guilt that he shouldn't be carrying, but that task remained to be seen.

She shook her head, ignoring my unfinished statement or assuming that whatever I was trying to say wasn't important. "He wouldn't be happy… no matter how much I would be there for him, to help him recover, he just wouldn't be able to let it go. Even if I did somehow convince him that he shouldn't feel guilty, he just wouldn't be the same person he once was."

I stayed silent, and she leaned back against me as I felt some of tension leave her body. But I knew the topic was far from leaving her mind, although I didn't bring it up again.

* * *

We hadn't planned on staying for long, but Sango's leg needed more time to heal, so we ended up staying a few days. We spent the time talking about non-related Naraku things, such as some of our favourite pastimes and stuff like that. Of course, I figured that the topic of the past would bring her mood down, but she seemed to be okay, and if she was sad, she was hiding it well. 

"When I was really young, before I started training to become a demon exterminator, I liked going fishing with my father," she said one evening. We were inside the monastery and I was sitting down beside her, my arm around her shoulders although she was not leaning against me.

"Did you have any luck?"

She gave a small laugh. "Not really. But Kirara helped me a bit. She's always been one of my closest companions." Her expression went a bit wistful. "Mother gave her to me when I was only five, shortly before Kohaku was born, and we immediately became close friends."

"I've never heard you talk about your mother before."

"That's because I don't remember much about her," she replied softly. "Kohaku was born when I was about six and half years old. She let me name my brother, then shortly afterwards, her breathing started to get shallower. I yelled for my father to come in because I was scared, and I didn't know what was going on. He went over to her, and she said something to him, and her voice was really quiet. Then this distant look came into her eyes and she didn't respond to anything. I remember running over to her, to ask Father what was wrong and he was bent over her body in grief. Although I thought I might be understanding what was happening and why Mother wasn't moving or anything, I was happy that my brother was alive."

A sad smile appeared on her face and I knew she was replaying the past in her head, before the tragedy of her village had been struck with Naraku. "Kohaku grew up as a happy boy, and we spent lots of time together. He didn't remember Mother at all, and he asked me a lot of questions about her. I couldn't remember her very well either, but I gave him the best answers I could think of, and he seemed content with them. Whenever I asked Father about her, he would get this incredibly sad look on his face, as if his world had just shattered, but he avoided my questions and told me not to talk about her again to him. After a while, maybe a year or so, I stopped thinking about her and started to concentrate on taking care of Kohaku, knowing she would have wanted that."

"You're like that almost all the time, too, Sango," I reminded her. She looked back at me.

"What?"

"You're sad a lot of the time. I mean, it's understandable, but it would be nice to see you smile every now and then."

She managed a small smile, but it didn't linger, and the distant look was back in her eyes. "There hasn't been much to smile about." Although her statement could be said for all of us, the unspoken events of the previous days were well implied in her words and the way she briefly looked away from me. I didn't question them.

Later that night after dinner, she wanted to know if we could snuggle together.

"Sure," I agreed, taking her hand and leading her over to the tatami mat we were going to share. "Sango, why are you asking about something like that?"

She attempted to answer, a blush accompanying her stammer. "It's just that… I… uh…"

An understanding dawned on me as she struggled to get it out. "It's okay. I understand." She didn't say anything regarding our relationship after that, but I knew what she was saying, and I didn't want to fluster her any more. Most of the evening we sat in companionable silence, Sango resting in my lap. I liked the sound of breathing; it assured me that she was nearby, that no harm would come to her while I was there, at least no physical harm, and that she trusted me. I would not trade that for anything else.

Sometime later, when I was sure she was asleep, she spoke up. "Miroku… could you tell me about your childhood?"

I gave a laugh that could be categorized as a dry sounding one, but she ignored it. "I didn't have much time as a child before I had to start worrying about the Kazaana. As soon as my father got sucked into the hole in his hand, I wasn't quite sure what was happening, or why it was happening, but I knew that I could never let it happen to me." I tried to smile, to reassure her that I was alright, that the pain about the death of my father was in the past, but she still looked concerned and I liked the fact that she cared so much about me, although she still didn't know just how much I appreciated her affections towards me. "As you know, the only way that it won't happen to me is if I defeat Naraku in time."

Her expression was a mixture of worry about my reflective feelings on the past and what had happened that made me who I was today, and the fear she could not discard because she knew I had a limited time left, and she did not want to think about being alone, even if things did somehow work out and she got her brother back. She wanted me with her, and I wanted to remain with her, but who knew. Who knew if things would be alright, as I had been telling her for days and days ever since Kirishi's death?

"Miroku…" She swallowed and sat up, reaching for my hand, the one with the rosary beads. I moved it out of her reach. I wasn't sure if it was fear of knowing the Kazaana's capabilities, or if it was the fact that her question reminded both of us of myalmost inevitablefate. True, I had accepted that I wasn't going to live for very long and that my direct future relied on defeating the one despicable demon called Naraku, but it was another thing to understand the meaning of death, that it might even be painful and that it separated you from the land of living with a boundary that you could never pass again. I guess I was more scared than I had originally thought I was, another thing that I was becoming more aware of while I was trying to understand my relationship with Sango. Something that I couldn't quite comprehend at first flickered in her eyes, and after a moment I realized that she did understand. Maybe she didn't know or completely understand the fear of having the Kazaana exist in my hand, but she understood the fear of having to accept that death could just be around the corner, and in her own way, she could still offer me comfort. "It's okay."

Her words were barely over a whisper, but I caught the meaning behind them and I hugged her, silently thanking her for what she was trying to do.

"It will be okay."

* * *

The next morning, I woke up. I rolled over to give Sango a good morning hug, maybe even a kiss… and she was gone. Her things were still there, so she hadn't left the area. Not that she would have without informing me. I got up and changed, putting on my regular robes and folding the white ones on the mat, as well as tidying up the blankets that I had used during the night. Sango's side of the mat was still slightly warm, meaning that she hadn't left long ago. 

I stretched, then headed to the main room where Mushin-sama and I ate. There were some plates left on the table, a few crumbs on them, so I assumed that Sango had already eaten with Mushin-sama before I woke up. Although I was curious as to why she hadn't woken me up so I could accompany her, she probably wanted some time to think, although I wasn't sure where Mushin-sama had gone so early in the morning. I also noticed a jug of sake next to one of the plates, and I shook my head. That monk. He just couldn't live through a day without first having his wine.

The entire building was empty. Well, not completely, but Hachi was asleep, and he wasn't of much importance to me except for the fact that I had grown up around him. I got a plate and ate some breakfast. Then after finishing, I left the empty plate on the table and returned to the room that Sango and I shared. Sitting down, I tried to relax my muscles and empty my mind, but it only made the silence more noticeable.

Then it happened. That odd feeling of fear that something had either happened or was about to happen. I headed out onto the porch. My hearing was on alert, but I wasn't sure if there was anything to listen for. I quickened my pace. "Sango?"

The shadows of trees seemed to darken the area around me, and the feeling of dread kept nagging at the back of my mind. "Sango!" I called. I heard no answer, but instinct told me to head north, and I did. Unfortunately, I wished I hadn't listened to my instinct.

I trusted Sango more than anyone. She was my friend, my closest companion, and partner. Even my wife, if only I could destroy this Kazaana! But like she had said, there was very little time to accomplish that, and if I didn't…

Death was the only option. It wasn't even an option. It was just waiting for me, waiting for my time to come.

Sango knew I trusted her. Well, more than I used to, and I knew her trust in me would eventually strengthen, no matter what happened. We had come to a point where we depended on each other.

"Sango!" I called again, and I burst into a clearing, breathing hard from running. "Sango, what…? Sango…"

The question died in my throat.

**I'm evil. Well, you can probably guess what happened. I guess it's a bit more obvious, and if you haven't, then you get to wait another two weeks to find out. If you have… are you going to keep reading? Please? It was quite fun to make up the characters' past. Although I don't really care about exploring Miroku's past much since I'm more fond of Sango's character, I thought it was essential for this chapter. **

**If you were confused about the conversation regarding Tsuyuki's control over Sango and Miroku's Kazaana, I'll sum it up for you:**

**1. Although Tsuyuki is a strong spirit, it _cannot kill_ Sango. It can only take over her mind and body, and force her to kill other humans. **

**2. Miroku _can_ be killed if the group is unable to track down Naraku in under less than a year.**

**Oh, and regarding the ending… this time will be different. **

**_Posted - May 15th, 2005_**


	12. One Too Many

**Disclaimer: **Nope. Own nothing.

**Well, I gained more progress on the final chapters, so I figured I could post this chapter a little earlier than usual. Besides, you seemed so eager to find out what happens next.**

**Buddym: **Actually, I update whenever I feel like I have enough pre-typed chapters to do so. Maybe it's just me, but you always seem to think I'll be offended if you ask about something. You'll find out this chapter…

**Sue sue magoo: **Of course I had to. I love cliffies.

**Ninalee-chan: **First thing I would like to say: _I love your reviews_! You always comment/criticize on specific things during the chapters, and that helps a lot. I've had that conversation with Sango and Mushin planned for months, and I'm glad that you liked it. The only other conversation in a fanfic that happens between those two that I'm aware of is Aprill May's Void. The mannerisms between Mushin and Sango are very similar to hers (I admit), but their emotions are based off of my own take on what it would be like. I know, that's why I love writing Sango and Miroku so much. Their emotions and backgrounds are completely in my element. I figured the matter of the Kazaana had to come up sometime soon, and I had such fun writing out Sango's reactions to Miroku's seemingly 'uncaring' attitude. I better stop rambling now.

**Yurikitsune: **(I was going to reply to you for chapter 8, but I'm not sure if you've already passed it, so I'm giving you a chapter 12 review response!) Well, look at it this way: Sango's a compassionate person, right? This demon is starting to take control of her and using her to kill innocent people. So not only is she 'killing' innocent people, she is forced to kill children. If you have to kill someone, whether it be intentional (I hope not!) or accidental or in self-defence, even if you do survive, the shock is a lot for your system. I mean, you've just ended a _life_. You're not going to just kill them and then walk away saying, "Oh, it's no big deal." Miroku constantly asks her that because he worries about her. Even though it seems he asks her frequently if she is alright, she really isn't, and it's his way of comforting her. I know I rushed the first aftermath events a bit, but I couldn't just linger on that for the next 2 chapters. Not only would it get incredibly boring to see Sango all depressed about that one thing, but the readers wouldn't find it very exciting.

**Blusorami: **I realize I crammed a lot of events into such a short period of time, but I didn't want to remain on the same thing for more than 2 chapters. Funny, quite a few people have asked me to update sooner than 1 week. Then again, I ended it at a really bad cliff-hanger.

**Forgeluff: **I know. To be honest, I was scared that the frequent conversations would turn readers away. I like typing out lengthy chapters. The longer it is, the more likely that people will enjoy it.

**I have come close to filling a page worth of reviews due to my ramblings. On with the chapter!**

I regained control of my body just in time to hear a sharp intake of breath from Miroku. He had arrived in the clearing, and his expression had frozen upon seeing what I had done. My ankle still ached from the mountain incident, but I ignored it, stepping away and looking at Miroku. He had barely glanced at me before his expression turned into one of complete shock.

"Mushin-sama… _Mushin-sama_!"

He ran over as I backed away even further, not wanting to see the pain and anguish in his eyes as he bent over the still body of his foster father.

_I killed him. I killed the only parent he has ever really known._

My hands were covered in blood for the third time. I wanted to run away and disappear. Literally. I didn't want to face him, plus I felt like I was about to be sick. I was shaking and a wave of nausea threatened to overcome my senses. I could only force a whisper, and I doubt he heard it.

"I - I'm so sorry, Houshi-sama."

Then I turned and ran. I completely forgot that I hadn't clicked the blade back into my sleeve, but it didn't matter. It still had Mushin-sama's blood on it, and I was still the one who had held the dagger.

I had watched the metal cut through his skin, drawing blood and cutting off his air passage. I knew that Tsuyuki had wanted me to kill him slowly and I had no choice. Damn me for being so weak. Damn me for not being able to prevent any of this.

I ran until I couldn't run anymore. I ran away from Miroku, from Mushin's body, from the blood. I ran from everything, but the images replayed themselves over and over again in my mind. No matter how fast I was, I couldn't escape from them.

Gradually the pain and exhaustion took its toll on me and I fell, unable to ignore the stabbing pains in my leg. The nausea I had managed to hold back before came up my throat, and I threw up onto the ground, feeling helpless and disgusted at my own actions.

_Why? _

Tears stung my eyes and my fists clenched into the ground.

_Why me? Why did you control _me

_**Because you are strong, taijiya. Why else? **_

_Damn you to hell! _

_**That's not a very nice thing to say to me, taijiya. Do you want me to kill your precious Houshi-sama?**_

_I just want to know why. Why you did this. Why you forced _me_ to do this. _

_**Haven't you figured it out yet?**_

I sat back up, breathing hard, and my vision and hearing dulled as it took over me again, communicating with me.

_**You have nothing left to gain, taijiya. You have no family left, aside from your brother, who is already dead, but of course you refuse to see that. Your goal is to confront Naraku and defeat, but that reminds you of Houshi-sama's fate. Doesn't it?**_

_I still… _I hesitated, wondering just how much I should reveal to Tsuyuki by way of thinking, then I realized that it was too late. It was in my mind, so unless I deliberately kept my mind blank, it could read my thoughts whether or not I wanted it to.

_I still have to avenge my family. If you're so _powerful_, then why don't you just take control of me all the time? _

_**That wouldn't be as fun. I like to bide my time until no one knows that you're being influenced by me. Remember when I first killed Kirishi? If you had been more discreet about her death, I would have -**_

_Don't you dare remind me about that! It's enough that I dream about killing them over and over again, and seeing the blood cover my hands again…_

_**Humans are weak.**_

_Then why possess one of them, you - _

_**You know the answer to that, taijiya.**_

_Because I'm weak. Is that why? Is that why you decided to take control of me? Because you knew I wouldn't fight back._

_**I took control of you because of your dreams.**_

_What? _

"Sango!"

It was Miroku. He came running up to me, fear and anxiety in his eyes. I looked away from him; he was the last person I wanted to be near after everything. I didn't want to hear if he was angry with me, I didn't want to see the anger and sadness forming into a bitter expression on his face as he looked at me. All I wanted to do was bury myself in a grave and allow the dirt to suffocate me, as it had done nearly a year back shortly before my brother had been resurrected. At least then I could truly rest and not have to worry about anything.

"Sango…" I could tell he didn't know how to approach me, and he was actually afraid I might strike out at him. For a moment I was happy he feared any emotional outburst that I might have let out on him, but the feeling vanished and I was left with only the guilt once again. This was my companion, my friend… my partner, and he was scared of what would happen if I lost control. Damn it. Damn it all.

"Yell at me."

"What?" He sounded disbelieving, and I glanced at him before looking back down.

"I know what I did. Yell at me. Hurt me, just - just do _some_thing."

He forcefully turned my face to meet his. "Sango, were you sick?"

"It doesn't matter." Why couldn't he understand that no matter how many times he was there to comfort me, that no matter how many times he said it would be alright, that nothing bad would happen if he could help it, the guilt would never go away? Maybe it was all Tsuyuki's doing, and I simply was not strong enough to prevent it. But that was the thing: if there had ever been a way to prevent this all from happening, why couldn't I have done it! I was raised to be a demon slayer, I was supposed to fight demons, not let them…

"Yes it does. If you're blaming yourself -" he started to say, and reached out to put a hand on my shoulder, but I knocked it away, standing up and allowing my temper to take hold as I glared down at him.

"_Shut up_! Just shut up! I don't want to hear it. I don't want your pity! I want you to be angry at me! I _want_ you to hurt me!" The pounding in my head increased, and I felt more nausea coming back up my throat. "Why don't you blame me?" I wanted him to hurt me, to force me to pay back for what had happened with Mushin. I deserved it.

"I'm not blaming you for this, Sango!" Now he was starting to sound impatient. Good. I wanted him to be angry with me.

The vile taste filled my mouth and I spat it out. Weary with fear, anger and self-hatred, I collapsed against him, not wanting to be seen like this. My voice was just over a whisper.

"Yes, I couldn't… the blood, it…"

His arms surrounded my tense body. "It's okay, Sango. I'm not going to yell at you." He brushed some loose strands of hair from my face, his expression soft and caring.

"Why can't you?" I asked weakly, the taste of vomit still lingering in my mouth. I bitterly spat it out again, wiping my mouth with my sleeve.

"Because you did not do that."

"I still let Tsuyuki do that," I protested.

"Sango, look at me."

I did as he asked and gazed up at him. His eyes, violet with specks of grey, were filled with nothing less than honesty and concern despite the circumstances. His hand went up to caress my cheek, and when he spoke, his voice was low.

"No matter what happens, no matter how many people die and you see their blood on your hands, it is _not you_," he said slowly and firmly. "You would never do such a thing. Tsuyuki has taken control of you, and I will never blame you for any of this. It was Tsuyuki's doing, even if you think you could have prevented it, and you are not the cause of Kirishi and Reichi's deaths." His voice shook very slightly for the first time, and I took a good, in-depth look at him. His eyes were filled with fatigue and exhausting pain from the recent events, and although his patience was finally starting to wear down, I knew he would never be angry with me about any of this. "Sango, I have to ask you something. You understand that I won't blame you, that I refuse to let you shoulder the guilt, right?"

I nodded only once, unable to look away from the unveiled compassion in his eyes. My throat felt dry.

"Then if Tsuyuki can take control of your body and mind, why hasn't it attempted to injure me? Why didn't it try to attack Kagome-sama or Inuyasha, then it could have gotten rid of any obstacles?" he asked.

"Houshi-sama…" I pleaded. Why did he have to ask me something like _that_?

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

I finally looked away, swallowing. When I spoke, my voice was barely audible. "The reason it didn't was because… because it knows you're most likely going to die anyway." Although I tried hard to conceal it, my voice cracked as I spoke.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and slowly pulled me closer to him, his warmth and comfort surrounding me. I wanted nothing more than to snuggle up into his arms and close my eyes and fall asleep. I wanted to forget everything, pretend it never happened and go back to the others just so we could continue our journey and observe Inuyasha and Kagome-chan's relationship despite their constant bickering, and Shippou's wails for candy all of the time. I wanted everything to return to normal. Unfortunately, everything was quickly descending into pain, tears and despair, and there was hardly anything I could do about it.

We stayed there for a short while, each lost in our own thoughts while enjoying the other's closeness. I breathed in the scent of Miroku's robes, desperate for just a moment of peace with the one I cared about the most.

Love?

I wasn't quite so sure about that concept in our relationship. I didn't know if he really loved me, and my feelings for him still confused me, although at this point, I was certain that I cared about more than I had cared about anyone else. Well, except for Kohaku. He and I had always been extremely close when we were younger. But this…

This was different.

The way he spoke my name and made it sound so poetic, the way he touched me so that warmth spread throughout my body, the way he held me in his arms so that the warmth and softness of his body surrounded mine and made me feel loved and cherished. But what really mattered was the way he looked at me, making me feel like the most important person in the world to him.

And if I had to fight Tsuyuki and Naraku to keep him by me, there was no way I wouldn't do it. I would not allow Tsuyuki to build up a wall between me and Miroku. We had gained too much by now to just let it all go because of a stupid demon that had to use other humans as its pathetic excuse to keep 'living', if you could even call it that.

* * *

He slowly got up, helping me up and bringing me back to reality. "Come on." Although he tried to keep his voice steady, it shook just the slightest. "We should get going."

I headed back to the temple to collect my things. Miroku stayed outside, waiting until I had gone in before he turned to look at Mushin's body. I grabbed my Hiraikotsu and Miroku's shakujou, and the bag we had brought with us. Hachi was awake by this time and came over to me, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Where's Miroku-dono?"

I didn't answer him and went to the door, setting down our travelling things and leaning against the wall next to the way out. An unusual sound filled my ears; the sound of someone crying. I slowly peeked around the wall, and the sight I saw surprised me, although I also felt like I had been expecting it.

Miroku was crying.

He was kneeling down beside the old monk, his head on Mushin's chest. To be honest, the fact that this was the first time I'd seen Miroku cry, it scared me. I knew he had good reason. But it was just that Miroku was normally such a composed, calm man, who could take anything and try to turn it into something optimistic for the rest of the group, it really did scare me to see him act that way. Sometimes I had to remind myself that he was human like me.

This was the part of Miroku who was still a little boy, who inwardly did depend on someone to care about him and love him like a parent would. This was the part of Miroku that felt the pain of only being human, the part that he hid so often. This was the part of him that felt the pain of losing someone close to him.

_It's not my fault. I didn't do it. _

I waited for Tsuyuki to contradict my inner statement, and when it did not reply what little self-defence I still had about everything vanished.

_But I still held the blade. I still watched when the blood poured out, draining the life force. No matter what Miroku tells me, no matter what demon is inside of me, even if the demon forced me to do this… I let it happen._

_In that sense… it is my fault. _

_I'm sorry. _

I turned around, leaning my back to the wall again so he wouldn't be able to see me. I wanted to go over and comfort him, to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright, but I knew he needed this moment alone.

"What's wrong with Miroku-dono?" Hachi asked.

I couldn't answer. I only pointed, my throat feeling constricted. The tanuki ran out and over to the monk, asking him something, looking frightened and concerned. Miroku turned to him, wiping his face with his sleeve. He made a motion towards Mushin's body and shook. Hachi looked shocked, then he ran past me into the temple.

I unconcealed myself, stepping out and looking at Miroku. He turned to look at me, an unreadable expression on his face. I found myself walking over to him, rather reluctantly. I opened my mouth to apologize, and he stopped me, raising his hand for silence.

"Miroku, I -"

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I -"

"Sango, listen to me," he said, sounding strained and urgent. "We don't have much time. We need to get back to Kaede's as soon as possible." He moved past me, and I turned around, attempting to speak again.

"I know," I whispered, and he paused. "But… Mushin-sama… he -"

"I'll take care of it. You go and pack everything up."

I walked back over to him, touching his shoulder. He stiffened. "I've already done that. I think you should take a moment to - to calm down and -"

He abruptly moved away and turned to face me. This time, I could clearly see the anger and regret in his eyes and his voice was rough as he spoke. "It couldn't have been prevented, Sango! So just shut up about it! Go and wait for me, I'll be out in a minute."

I swallowed and looked down. I didn't even try to apologize this time. If I spoke I was sure I would lose my resolve, and I couldn't do that. I knew his anger was not purposefully directed at me, even if it felt that way, but I didn't like seeing Miroku like this. He was shutting me out now.

I closed my mouth, fighting back the wave of emotion that threatened to crash down on us, and hurried past him to collect our things and leave.

_Well, Tsuyuki, if your intentions were to widen the rift between me and Houshi-sama, congratulations._

_You got what you wanted, and I hope you go to Hell for that._

* * *

Ten minutes later, we headed off. Miroku was unusually quiet, the rings on his shakujou making the only noise. It felt like there was a barrier of isolation between us, neither of us able to say anything that would put the other at ease. I could apologize, tell him how horrible I felt, but I could never understand what Mushin must have been to him as a parental figure. Just as Miroku could never truly understand how close Kohaku and I had been as siblings.

I was the one to break the silence, mustering up the courage to look at him. "I'm sorry, Houshi-sama." He flinched as I said his title, widening the distance between us even more.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault," he said, although there was no real emotion or assurance behind his words.

I stopped walking, inwardly bracing myself for what I had to say. "Houshi-sama, look at me."

He stopped walking, but he didn't turn to look at me. "Whatever you have to say, you can say it while we're walking."

"No."

"We don't have time. You should know that more than anyone."

When I spoke, the words were almost a hiss of anger. For the first time in days, there was only anger and coldness in my tone as well. "Don't remind me," I retorted, feeling rage burn on my insides.

"Well, maybe you've forgotten the fact that Tsuyuki is still -"

I stepped forward in front of him, channelling my anger in his direction. He moved back a bit, although there was no fear in his eyes. "You're angry with me, Miroku. I know you are! Stop pretending everything is okay, because it isn't! It's the farthest from okay than it has ever been, I know that! I know that more than you ever will!" My voice cracked as the frustration was let out, and I held my tears back. "Damn it, stop trying to push me away! I _know_ you're in pain, Miroku. I _know_ what it feels like to lose someone so close to you that you feel your heart has been ripped out. I… " I turned around, not wanting him to see how close I was to breaking down again. He didn't approach me, but I sensed that he was starting to calm himself down. If only I could do the same. "I know what it feels like," I whispered, covering my mouth so that my words were barely audible to him. "I've been there. But don't let it consume you with grief and hatred. I almost let it that one time… when I went after Naraku myself, and I was such an idiot. But don't let it happen to you. I like - I _appreciate_ you for who you are. Don't change, Miroku, because - because if you do…" I started to turn around again to face him, and instead his arms surrounded me and pulled me to him.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, resting his head on my shoulder. I could feel the anger between us slowly start to dissipate. We had each other, and I didn't want to lose that. Not just because of a stupid demon.

"So am I."

* * *

For the next while, we walked in silence. My leg had started to heal a bit more after staying at Mushin for those few days, but it still hurt whenever I put too much weight on it. I didn't complain about it, and for a short bit, neither of us had anything to say. No matter how many times Miroku told me that he wasn't angry, I knew he had mixed emotions about Mushin's death, and sooner or later I would have to deal with it.

However, a youkai appeared and we instinctively went into battle mode. Miroku went in front of me to shield me, seeing as I still wasn't strong enough to take on a youkai single-handedly. Actually, it wasn't very big, nor did it seem to be very powerful. It was still a demon, though, and it was inconveniently blocking our way.

Miroku unleashed his seibai at it. Well, he tried to. But he wasn't quick enough, and the youkai targeted him. He shoved me out of the way and leapt to the other side, putting his shakujou in defence if the youkai decided to attack him and hoping to attract its attention away from me. His tactic didn't work. The demon knew I was weakened. I could tell by the way it glared at me.

It turned to face me, and I could practically see the gears working in its head as it contemplated on how to deal me the most injury. Damn it. This was one of those times that I could have really used Kirara's help. Unfortunately, my cat companion was not here, so I stood up, preparing to use Hiraikotsu.

"No! Sango, don't!" I heard Miroku cry. We needed to get rid of this stupid demon, as it was delaying our return even more. So I ignored him, and even though I knew I probably wouldn't be able to catch it, I threw it anyway. I also knew I would receive a gentle scolding from Miroku.

The boomering tore through the demon, ripping it apart and dutifully returning it to me. I caught it, but the force behind it was still too much and I fell backwards. At least the demon was gone.

**Yay! Done! After 3 weeks of delay… at least, I think it was 3 weeks. I also finished the rough copy of the final chapter. :cheers: Now I can concentrate on the sequel… among other things involving school. :stops cheering: ****Does anyone happen to know what the difference is between the words _seibai_ and _houriki_? **

**Hey, is anyone else having trouble staying logged in the site? Like, if you Login and click the box that says_I want to stay logged in for 3 days_, and it demands your Login the next day instead, is anyone else experiencing that problem or know why that's happening? Because it is really starting to annoy me. **

_**Finished typing - during the second last week of April**_


	13. Test of Faith

**Disclaimer: **Don't own any of it, except for the overall idea.

**Not too many chapters left, but they are really long. :sighs: There are already so many things I changed when I typed this out from rough draft. To me, it's technically over because I just finished the rough draft of the last chapter this afternoon, but to you guys… :grins evilly: You still have more anguish and tears to read through. And I still have lots of typing to do. I have learned that long stories are very time-consuming. They're also fun. **

**On with the chapter, and please. Don't forget to review. **

**YoukaiTajiyaSango: **You really seem to like this story, don't you?

**Buddym: **I feel your pain. Okay, so I updated after about a week and a half… don't kill me. There is a reason why I try _not_ to update every week. If I posted every week, I wouldn't have time to think out the plot carefully and make sure there are no holes left, and I wouldn't have enough time to make rough drafts. I have made approximately 5/6 pages of rough drafts for each chapter, and it's the only reason why I have been able to post in less than two weeks these past few months. I'm also working on the sequel to this, and I like remaining ahead instead of having to say that I'm on Hiatus, because that's no fun. Yeah, the site seems to be really busy lately (eg. Servers overloaded). But anyways, I'm glad you're enjoying it. Please bear with me with the updates… I know they take a while, but like I said, I edit them a lot to make sure everything flows smoothly.

**Ninalee-chan: **Yay! I'm glad I still managed to get the characters' emotions across. And yes, for a very brief time, I had Miroku's words and actions based on the anger and sadness he felt about Mushin's death. I mean, Miroku is a very calm man in the series, but he's still human, so I guess the last chapter was to portray that side of him. Although I do wish I had spent more time on his feelings regarding Mushin's death, the plotlines didn't allow for that. It would have taken longer, and as much as I love spending time writing out the emotions of the characters, I believe that a certain demon inside of Sango still needs to be taken care of.

**For some reason I just don't want to post this because it's basically only filler until the climax, but I'm going to. It leads up to something important. I really dislike this chapter… **

… **but on with it!**

* * *

I had told her not to strain herself. But of course she refused to listen. Even though her pain was the result of her own actions, I was still worried about her.

I saw the Hiraikotsu returning to her; she caught it but in the process lost her balance and fell to the ground. I ran over to check her. She was breathing in a shallow way, her skin almost pale as she clutched the weapon. I pushed it off of her and pulled her up even as she leaned against me.

"You idiot," I scolded lightly, stroking her hair as she steadied her breathing. "Were you trying to get yourself killed?"

"We had to get rid of it quickly," she replied, her voice not much louder than a whisper. "I figured the Hiraikotsu would take care of it fast enough."

"Sango, you're still not strong enough to fight by yourself," I told her, hoping that she wouldn't take my statement as an offensive comment rather than seeing it as concern for her well-being.

She looked up at me, an expression mixed somewhere between hurt and annoyance on her face. "I don't like having to rely on others," she said. I sighed.

"I know you don't, but the reason I did that was because I care about you. You know that, right?"

She reached up to cup the side of my face, her brown eyes serious, but still holding some warmth of the compassion she felt towards me. For the first time in weeks, I saw a faint smile on her face as she reached up to kiss me briefly. She pulled away rather quickly, and I struggled to keep track of where I was. I moved my face a bit closer to hers, still keeping a few inches of space between us. Her warm breath brushed over my skin as she gazed contentedly at me.

"I know," she said quietly, putting her arms around my neck. My arms encircled her waist and I had no intention of grabbing her rear. I did not want to ruin this rare moment of affection, especially since we had had so few lately without tears or angry words exchanged between us. It seemed she was willing to allow me to give her reassurance, and I liked being able to hold her close, even if only for a few moments.

I leaned my head slightly against hers so that the top of her head lightly brushed the bottom of my cheek, breathing in her scent.

"You should smile more often."

I could imagine her forehead creasing in confusion, maybe even surprise. "What?"

"I like it when you smile… it makes you look even more beautiful than you already are." I moved my head back and turned to face her, pressing my lips to hers and catching her by surprise.

I was aware that we were becoming more intimately close, and that this wasn't exactly the time nor place for that sort of thing, but it had been so long since I had been able to just be with her like this, and I wanted it to last as long as I could. I also wanted to forget about our journey and have a few moments of peace. That was all.

She recovered quickly though, allowing herself to relax. I only broke it when I sensed she needed air, moving from her lips down to her neck to kiss the skin there, getting a sample of what she tasted like. At first she protested, but before she had the chance to say anything, I pulled her into my lap and despite the frown that she gave me, I knew she was content. So was I.

"Miroku…" she began, then stopped.

I trailed little kisses along her skin on her neck back up to her mouth. She allowed me entrance into her mouth, and I was able to taste the inside of her mouth for the second time. I didn't get far before she pulled back, and I noticed a faint flicker of fear in her eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," I said, still breathing hard. Her scent and taste were so intoxicating! However, my moment of happiness vanished as she looked away, her breathing still unsteady. "Sango?"

She didn't look at me, a strange expression on her face. It was almost like a cross between apprehension and sadness. I gently tilted her chin up and back towards me, but she still refused to meet my gaze directly, her cheeks still a lovely shade of pink. She looked cute like that.

"Sango… is there something wrong?"

For a few seconds, the amount of certainty about our relationship decreased inside of me. She was still shy even though she had known me for almost a year. I wanted to be with her so bad, to know her secrets and share her burdens, but if she had had a previous relationship and that person had died because of Naraku… Then she spoke, and her words relieved me.

"No," she said at last. "I - it's just - " She stammered for a moment, her cheeks taking on a darker shade of red. "I… it's not…" Finally, she gave up what she had been trying to say and stood up, wincing, before heading off.

I stood up, catching her wrist. "Sango, if it was anything I did -"

"It wasn't." Her answer surprised me.

"Are you afraid? Did you… did you lose someone from a previous relationship?" I was careful not to sound like I was pressuring her into answering the question. After all, I didn't want to have to make her have to remember anything that would make her more emotional that involved her village.

"I didn't," she said quietly, the features on her expression becoming slightly wistful. I assumed she was remembering more pleasant times that had happened before Naraku came and ruined her village. She took a deep breath. "I just - I've never been in a relationship before and… I don't think I'm ready to go very far."

"It's okay," I told her. "I understand. But you still want to stay with me after we've defeated Naraku… don't you?"

She finally turned around to look at me and I saw despair clouding her eyes. She tugged her hand out of mine and quickened her pace, walking away from me. Her head had lowered.

"Sango? Sango!"

I hurried to catch up to her, wanting to know what I had said that had obviously upset her. She didn't look at me. I went in front of her, placing my hands on her shoulders, and she looked away, covering her face with her hands. I could hear her sniffling a bit.

"Sango, what's wrong?" I asked. Gently I tried to take her hands in mine, and finally she met my gaze, tears brimming at the edges of her eyes. Her voice was trembling.

"We… we _can't_ be together, Miroku," she said. "What Mushin-sama said -"

"We will beat Naraku, and what Mushin-sama said won't matter," I said firmly.

She shook her head. "No, you don't understand, Miroku!" The tears spilled over her cheeks and she made no move to wipe them away. Her words were starting to sound more broken and as I reached out to touch her, she stepped back a bit, the tears falling onto the ground below.

"Listen to me, Sango," I began. I hated to see her cry almost as much as Inuyasha hated to watch Kagome-sama cry, except that I wanted to resolve the conflict and calm the woman rather than just force her to "toughen up", as was Inuyasha's gruff method. "We can still beat Naraku -"

"No, you listen to _me_!" she shot back, and her tone strengthened considerably. "Mushin-sama said your Kazaana could suck you in any day, any place, at any time! We won't have _time_ to defeat Naraku! We have no way to track him down! And even if we did, we're not strong enough as a group! We won't be able to get to him in time!"

I had had enough of her telling me what I already knew, what I despised knowing. "_I know that_!"

Her voice lowered to a whisper at my outburst. "Then why do you act like you don't?"

"I don't dwell on the possibilities about everything when I am aware of the inevitable! I try to be as light-hearted as possible about the situation, or at least seek the more optimistic side about it."

"Damn it, Miroku!" She swiped furiously at her cheeks. "I… damn it, I just don't want you to leave me."

"Well, Mushin-sama did say we had a year at most… maybe we can defeat Naraku within a year." I forced myself to sound as cheerful as possible despite the dread building up in me by her words, and she looked away again, sniffling, although she didn't say anything. I put an arm around her and we resumed our walk back in silence. I had a feeling that the topic of Mushin's death wasn't over. I think that, at the moment, we were both tired of arguing and dealing with certain recent events, and our frustration at each other was the result of that.

* * *

The rest of the walk on the way back was uneventful, which was a good thing considering I was not in the mood for another fight with a demon. Although I was right next to Sango, I felt like the distance between us had widened ever since we left earlier. Later, the topic of Mushin's death would have to be discussed a bit more openly, otherwise we would never be able to face it and that would cause the rift between us to widen even more. 

We finally arrived back at Kaede's during early evening, and Inuyasha and Kagome came out, wondering what had taken us so long.

"Sango-chan! Miroku-sama! What happened?" Kagome-sama cried, running out. Inuyasha just stood there, glaring at us. Even though he remained grumpy about our late arrival, I could tell he was relieved just as much as her. Shippou scampered out, sending cute, happy grins at the both of us while licking a spiral lollipop.

"So what took you so long?" he barked out, his usual way of greeting people. "You were two days late!"

Kagome-sama looked annoyed by his careless attitude, then smiled, taking Sango by the hand and bringing her into the hut. The two of them disappeared, Kagome constantly asking questions and doing most of the talking. Shippou followed them back in.

The hanyou continued to glare at me. "Well? What took you so long?"

I gave him a weary smile. "Sango got injured, so we had to rest for a bit. Then Hachi came and said that Mushin - Mushin-sama wanted to spend some time with me, so we spent a day or two there. On our way back, we were attacked by a youkai." My voice faltered slightly when I spoke my foster father's name, and I think Inuyasha suspected something more than that had happened, but he grunted, accepting my brief explanation. I think he understood that it wasn't something I really wanted to discuss with anyone at the moment.

My mind flashed back to that horrible moment, when I had discovered what had happened:

_As soon as I entered the clearing, I felt my insides freeze. I was aware of nothing but the still body of Mushin-sama filling my vision, the blood still streaming in a thick line from the slash across his throat and stomach. No last breath escaped his lips, and his eyes remained open, lifeless and dull as his life force seeped out of him and stained the ground. Kneeling beside him, someone stood up, and my breath caught in my throat. I had known who it was, but as I had run towards the source of the scream, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to acknowledge what I had feared would happen one day. He may have been my foster father, drunk almost all hours of the day, but he had still taken care of me when I was little, and I respected and loved him for that. _

_My gaze slowly travelled to meet hers, almost unwillingly. For the first time ever since I had met her, I did _not _want to look at her. It was Sango. _

"_Mushin-sama… Mushin-sama!"_

_Then I looked back down at the body. I knelt down, my mind in a partial daze as I checked his wounds. Even if he had not been struck across the throat in such a vicious manner, the stomach wound was fatal. I don't even want to think about what I saw, but I know my hands were shaking and that I felt like I was paralysed with fear and anguish. _

_Fear for him, for what pain he had felt._

_And fear for what might happen to me if I was not careful around Sango. _

_I slowly looked back up at her, my mind unable to find words. The crimson liquid covered her hands, staining them for the third time, and the dagger that was hidden in her wrist remained out, blood dripping from the tip. I wanted to say her name, to tell her that I knew what happened, that I knew it wasn't her fault, but I could not make my mouth form the words. My throat was dry._

_She just stood there, watching me. At last, after an agonizing moment of silence, she managed a whispered sentence that I barely heard. _

"_I - I'm so sorry, Houshi-sama." Then she turned and ran. _

Why had Sango been forced to do those horrible things? Why did she have to go through the pain of fear and guilt?

Of course I forgave her. In the end, it all came back to Tsuyuki, so none of it was really her doing. But at the same time, it was her hand that had held the blade all those times. It was her hand that had shoved the blade through the skin, breaking it and drawing blood.

It was her hand, but Tsuyuki's will.

So whose fault was it really?

Hers for _letting it happen_, as she so often said in self-accusation, or Tsuyuki's, for forcing her to do something?

But it didn't matter anymore. The blame no longer mattered. Kirishi-san and Reichi-kun had been killed, and there was nothing any of us could do to bring them back. Oh yes, and Mushin-sama. I still wasn't quite sure why Tsuyuki had wanted Sango to kill him, but I would grieve properly later. There were more important things to do.

Like giving the items to Kaede so that she could start the ritual as soon as possible.

* * *

Kagome was fixing up the bandage on her friend's leg, talking to her in a cheerful voice. 

Kaede came forward, taking the items from me and putting them into a pot of boiling water. I watched her.

"When will the ritual be performed?"

"As soon as this is ready," the old woman replied calmly, sitting down to watch the pot. I nodded and headed back outside, leaving the girls to have one of their private-talks.

Kagome looked over at me just before I left, then back at Sango, not bothering to keep her voice down. "Hey, Sango-chan, is there anything going on between you and Miroku-sama?"

The taijiya turned a lovely shade of red, sounding a bit flustered. "Uh… I… no, there's really nothing…"

"Are you sure?" the younger girl pressed, wetting a washcloth and applying it to Sango's leg to clean off the dried blood.

"Yeah," Sango replied, trying not to sound bothered about this particular subject.

Kagome put a fresh bandage on the wound. "If there's anything going on, you can tell me, okay?" she said, putting a friendly hand on her shoulder. The taijiya gave her friend a smile.

"Thanks, but it's alright. Thank you for fixing this."

Kagome gave her a contented smile. "No problem."

"Did you guys get delayed on the way back?" Shippou asked.

"Yeah, by a youkai," the taijiya answered. Kagome gave her a suspicious look.

"It took you two days longer than expected to get back," she said. "What happened? Your injury is still healing, so either the youkai was an extremely powerful one, or something else happened."

Sango looked away, wondering how she could give her friend a satisfactory answer without relieving the bad memories. "Listen, there are some things I need to deal with," she said, standing up. "I'll tell you later." Kagome looked at her in mild concern, but before she could say anything, Kaede spoke.

"When you are done, I would like to talk to you for a moment regarding the ritual."

Sango nodded and went outside, her anxiety and nervousness almost dizzying her. I had just finished talking with Inuyasha about the incident at Mount Hikoshira, and I joined her (Inuyasha went back inside), sitting down on one of the porch steps, although she remained standing.

"Sango, about our relationship…"

She turned to look down at me, a melancholy look in her eyes. "I don't want to talk about that, Miroku." She turned around to face the horizon as she spoke, the evening sun lighting the planes of her face and creating darkened shadows, making her expression seem more sullen. "I wanted to talk to you about the death of Mushin-sama."

The one topic I wanted to avoid was the one topic she wanted to talk about. "Sango, I forgave you," I said, making it clear that I really didn't want to be discussing this now.

"I know, but…"

"You need to forgive yourself. It wasn't you. I know you couldn't have done something like that. It was Tsuyuki, not you." Didn't she _ever_ listen to me?

Her voice was barely over a whisper. "Who am I?"

"What?" I looked at her closely, and that sad, distant look was back in her eyes.

"Who am I?" she repeated. "Sometimes I think I'm not even myself anymore. I can't control my own body. My thoughts are influenced by Tsuyuki. I don't… I don't feel like myself anymore."

I was about to say something, but then Kaede came out. "It will be ready soon. I just wanted to tell you about the restrictions regarding the fight with the demon."

Sango turned to look at her and I stood up, putting a hand on her shoulder. She was all tensed up, and that didn't surprise me.

"You will be battling the demon in your mind, so anything that you think can easily be 'read' by the demon. As time passes, it will be harder for you to exit the Dream World, so I suggest you finish the fight as soon as possible. I don't know what Tsuyuki's true form will look like, but it will not be an easy opponent."

The taijiya nodded, trying to appear calm about the whole subject, but I could tell she was filled with anxiety and fear. "What if - what if I get injured? I mean, not - not that I will," she added quickly, her words sounding rushed, "but if it's in my dreams, it - it can't really affect me, can it?"

"Not true. Any injuries you attain in the Dream Realm will be real injuries when you awaken," Kaede corrected her.

"I see." She looked down, apparently taking Kaede's words into consideration. "So do I control myself by my thoughts?"

The old woman shook her head. "No. Like in any normal dream, you can feel yourself moving as if you were awake. It's the same." She glanced back into the hut where the mixture was. "It should be ready shortly. I'll call you." She started to head back into the room but stopped when Sango spoke up.

"Kaede-sama," she said and for a moment, as I looked up at her I noticed confusion and something else flicker in her eyes. It was almost like determination, but not quite. "How did the demon get access into my mind? I wasn't forced to swallow anything that might have allowed it to do that… so how was it able to control me so easily?"

"It's called _Tsuyuki_ because it has the ability to possess humans through their dreams," Kaede answered, not turning around to face us. My mind briefly recalled that one night when I had feared that something bad was happening to Sango.

_She was cold. So cold that she was shivering. I tested her forehead - it felt cold as well. So she didn't have a fever or anything like that, but I was worried. Her skin temperature felt like it had been buried in snow for hours, only it was a warm starry night with just a slight bit of a refreshing breeze._

_I shook her, to try and wake her, but she didn't respond. The cold gradually began to leave her body, but she still didn't wake up. "Sango, please, wake up!" I pleaded, shaking her harder. It was almost like my body was trying to get me to realize something, only I hadn't realized it, but I didn't know what it was that I had to acknowledge!_

Now I knew. If only I had known it back then… but there was no way I would have been able to tell what was going on.

"But I would have been able to sense an strange aura around her, wouldn't I?" I asked.

Kaede shook her head. "It cannot be detected by auras. Even though it is a demon, it has the ability to remain undetected. The only time when it can be caught is when the person who is possessed attacks others for no reason, save the malicious intent of spilling blood."

Sango flinched beside me as though Kaede had banished a whip out at her, and I put my arm around her shoulders. She didn't lean against me, her gaze still on Kaede.

"I'm sorry," Kaede told her. "I realize that you have been through a lot lately. I had no choice but to tell you Tsuyuki's purpose."

"It's not… it's not a purpose, Kaede-sama," Sango said quietly, and her gaze saddened. "Because if it was, there would be a reason for it. But evil doesn't see reason."

Kaede looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, then went back into the hut.

* * *

I turned to look at her. "Hey, you alright?" 

She nodded, not taking her eyes off the doorway. "I'm - I'm fine."

"You'll make it through this," I said, firmly grasping her shoulders and turning her to face me.

"I don't know," she sighed, still not meeting my gaze. "It's strong, Miroku. I was barely a struggle for it when it possessed me. You don't know what it feels like to be controlled."

I didn't know what to say. She was right; I'd never been in possession of a demon before. Of course, I recalled Kagome-sama being in pain under control of Tsubaki, and I'd seen Kohaku under the influence of Naraku when battling Sango, but other than that, I didn't know how it truly felt. Sango had been under major strain when Tsuyuki tried to use her to kill me just days ago, and I had been able to tell that it was taking all of her willpower to stay in control.

When I didn't say anything, she spoke again, moving closer into my arms and leaning her head against my shoulder. "You know what this means, don't you?"

"What?"

"If Trsuyuki kills me in the Dream Realm, then…" She paused, and I felt her hold on me tighten a bit. "… then I really will die." Although the meaning of her words seemed frightening, she was calm about it. At least, she was keeping herself composed on the surface, but I wasn't sure just how much she was panicking on the inside.

"You are not going to die," I told her, fighting to keep my voice steady. When she didn't answer, I demanded, "Do you _want_ to die?"

"Sometimes I think would be easier than to keep fighting and never gain anything," she finally replied.

I moved back a bit so I could meet her gaze with my own intense one. "Sango, I have never known you to be the type of person to give up. You said you were a fighter, and you still are." She opened her mouth to say something, maybe to contradict me, but I put my finger over her lips to silence her. "You think you haven't gained anything? Sango, you may have lost your village, but you gained new friends, and they're like family. You know that, because they're like family to me as well."

"And I have you," she said, a ironic smile crossing over her features. "If Naraku hadn't shown up, I might never have met you… and I wouldn't have come to depend on your companionship like I do now." She lowered her head, looking down as her cheeks flushed a light shade of pink. "It's not that I rely on you for anything… it's just that…"

I tilted her chin to make her look back at me, smiling faintly. "I think I understand."

"I've - I've never been so close to anyone before, not like this. But you… you make me feel like I'm needed, like I'm loved, and when things… when things don't happen the way I planned for them to work out…" She took a deep breath, her voice trembling just a little bit. "I just… I feel more calm and content when you stay by me, and I really appreciate your efforts to comfort me. Especially whenever Kohaku showed up."

"I'm glad." I didn't know what else to say to that, or if she expected me to say anything to confirm her thoughts. But there was one thing I could say that would offer her the most reassurance for the upcoming challenge. "I'll be here if you need me."

"I know," she whispered. I held her close, wanting to feel the warmth of her body against me, stroking her hair and feeling the silky strands slip through my fingers. For a moment, there was only the sound of her breathing, steadying and falling into rhythm with mine. I would have given just about anything to freeze time and keep her here with me, free from the pain and despair that had plagued her life since the day that Naraku had destroyed her village.

Unfortunately, it didn't last long, and it seemed to me that Kaede's voice called out to us far too soon, shattering the peaceful moment.

"It's ready."

Sango glanced at me, then pulled herself from my embrace and headed in. I followed her. Kaede had laid a mat down near the centre of the room, and beside her on the floor was a cup of the mixture. The taijiya went over to the mat, and I could tell she was tensed up again.

After all, knowing you were about to battle a demon that had been controlling you to kill others couldn't be too much of a comforting thought. I could understand Sango's fear, but what she didn't know was that _I_ was afraid I was going to lose her.

Although I acted like everything was going to be fine, that she was going to pull through this, my own words sounded false to me. I was only saying that to reassure her, to give her motivation to fight Tsuyuki, because in all honesty, I _didn't_ think she was going to make it.

Sango was a tough warrior. But after all this time…

She had been forced to kill Kirishi, the daughter of Hiromi when we had went to '_enjoy ourselves_' at the festival.

She had been forced to kill Reichi, the little boy who closely resembled Kohaku in both personality and appearance, when we went to destroy an invisible youkai.

And now… she had been forced to end Mushin-sama's life.

The guilt would destroy her if we didn't find a way to stop Tsuyuki. We had just found the only way to stop it, and I didn't like it one bit.

She would be fighting alone.

* * *

_**Finished typing - May 7, 2005**_

**_Posted - June 5th, 2005_**

**Okay. Don't kill me when I say this. _I will NOT be updating again until June 23rd. _Why the 23rd? Because that is the first day after all of my exams are finished, and until then, my parents will be nagging at me to study continuously. So I figured I'd better update before the weekend is over. since I only have 2 weeks in which to study. Plus it gives me more time to work on the sequel to this.**

* * *

**Preview of Chapter 14:**

No matter how deep the attacks had been, no matter how many times I had been cut by the sword of an enemy who happened to get in a lucky hit or by the chained sickle that my brother held, the pain still hurt.

"What a fool. You are already at a disadvantage by fighting in your own mind. Why don't you just give up so I can take control of your body and you can see your brother again?"

The metal tip came closer, barely brushing my neck.


	14. Dream World

**Disclaimer: **I didn't own Inuyasha before… why would I own it now?

**Tashachan28: **The angst keeps going. Don't ask. XD

**Buddym: **Well, I wasn't studying for exams then. I was just telling you my reasons for not updating each week. If I did that, I wouldn't have any chapters left to post by July! (I don't have that many pre-typed out) But I will be studying for exams very soon, which is why I haven't posted any updates for this story. Thanks for the "exam encouragement"!

**Ninalee-chan: **:shrugs: I thought Chapter 13 was pointless. To me, it seemed like filler because it only had some arguing (about Mushin), senseless fluff, and the explanation of Tsuyuki. That is the final explanation regarding how it was able to influence Sango's thoughts and how it was able to control her. The flashback of Mushin's death was something I added, and I liked to write out the shock and anguish that Miroku felt when he entered the clearing, rather than just ramble on about Sango's guilt. You're probably still wondering: why did I kill children? For one reason, it really torments a person when they are forced to kill another, even if it's in self-defence, and for another, not only does she have to kill innocent people, they are only _children_. That's a lot to take, and as you know, I will find any reason (cough:excuse:cough) to write angst. I should go back and re-write Chapters 1 and 2 just so they equal up to the rest of the story, but I'm too lazy,

**YoukaiTajiyaSango: **Thanks! Yes, I think you'll like this chapter.

**Starriecat: **One word. Exams.

**Inuyashagirl: **Yeah, I'm not the best person for fight scenes. In fact, the only thing I'm worse at is humour, and that's only because all the original ideas for humour have pretty much been used already. Thanks for the compliments… they gave me some much needed inspiration!

_Stupid QuickEdit won't allow the fancy symbols I want to use for the POV switching… grrrrr. So, in saying that, you will have to use common sense to figure out whose POV it is (don't worry, it's rather obvious). I really don't want to waste my time while uploading this document to figure out which symbols QuickEdit will keep, so you get to use your brains. (which might be dead from exams at this point! I know mine is!)_

_The main storyline POV will continue on through the rest of the chapters. Keep in mind that it may switch from time to time._

* * *

When Kaede announced that the ritual mixture was ready, I felt my insides freeze. This was it. 

I went in, unaware of anything else except what I was going to do and my Houshi-sama behind me.

Kagome-chan and Inuyasha were standing off to the side. Kagome-chan looked nervous about it, and Inuyasha tried to look uncaring, but I could tell that he was just as worried as the others were. Shippou was on Kagome's shoulder, asking her all sorts of questions about what was going on, but she wasn't answering them.

I sat down as Kaede handed me the cup. The mixture looked like a blend of brown and purple, not very appealing. However, I drank it, the bitter taste almost making me choke. Miroku knelt by me.

"I'll be fine," I told him, although I felt the exact opposite. He didn't look as composed as he usually was, which didn't help the matter at hand. Even if he tried to convince me that I was going to be okay, that things would return to normal after all this was over, I couldn't help thinking that he was reassuring himself more than me. Not that I could blame him. I knew he was just as scared about the whole thing as I was but that he pretended everything would be okay for my sanity.

Kaede instructed me to lie back and I did, closing my eyes as she started the chant. A wave of sleepiness overtook me, and as I struggled to stay awake, I fumbled for Miroku's hand.

"One last hug?" I pleaded, knowing full well I sounded like a little kid. Really, all I wanted to was know that he would always be near me, even if he didn't know how much I appreciated it. He smiled, and just as I felt his arms surround me, my surroundings blurred and I drifted off.

* * *

I stood in a landscape of some sort, wearing my battle outfit, my kanata sheathed at my waist. For a moment, it felt like something was missing, then I realized that my Hiraikotsu wasn't strapped onto my back. Damn. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I didn't even have my main weapon to use against my opponent… 

There was no one else around, at least no one that I could see in the thin mist around me. I took a few steps forward, wondering when Tsuyuki would make itself known. After all, it had been inside my head for the past half week. The silence only made my body tense up more, and I struggled to hear any suspicious sounds nearby.

Then I heard it. The sound of laughter and people nearby. I hurried through the mist, squinting, trying to see anything beyond what was in front of me. What I saw shocked me, even though it shouldn't have. But I hadn't been expecting it.

My village was there, and I could even walk through the front gate. Everything was how I remembered it. I entered my home, and went to the back porch. I swear I felt like I had been immobilized as I watched the scene in front of me. Kohaku was throwing his sickle, trying to catch the targets and only being partially successful. He looked just like he used to, his short black hair tied up in a small ponytail, his eyes focused on his goal. A determined expression was on his face, softened by the gentle smile as he caught it. However, the blade swung upwards and he failed to catch it correctly, a thin line of blood dripping from his fingers.

"_You must try harder, Kohaku. You are not paying attention_," the voice of my father said. Startled, I turned and watched as he made his way down the steps beside me to supervise my brother.

The boy held his wrist with his other hand, making a face at the pain. It was just how I remembered it. I approached him. "Kohaku?" I said, my voice very quiet.

But he didn't look at me, nor did he show any sign that he had heard me. Father began to chastise him for being so careless about catching the sickle, and Kohaku hung his head, looking both embarrassed and slightly ashamed. "_I'm sorry_," he said, watching the drops of blood fall onto the ground.

"_I'm going to go get some bandages for that cut. If you had paid attention to the direction of the sickle, we wouldn't have to do this after every practice_," he scolded.

"_I'm sorry, Chichi-ue. I'm trying to improve as much as I can_," Kohaku protested.

Father shook his head. "_If you ever hope to become one of the best fighters in this village, you'll have to improve more than that. You should ask your sister about training_." He headed back inside the house for a few minutes, leaving me and my brother in silence.

I tried again. "K - Kohaku?" Again, he just stood there, evidently waiting for my father to return with the bandages. However, he spoke quietly to himself, heading over to the porch steps to sit down.

"_I wish Chichi-ue would take more pride in my accomplishments instead of criticizing all of my mistakes. I try all the time to improve, but he doesn't seem to notice. Well, at least Ane-ue can destroy youkai properly. I guess I won't be as good as her, but I can make Chichi-ue proud with what I _can_ do_."

"Kohaku, he was always proud of you. He didn't tell you so you would keep trying to improve," I whispered. I wanted to take him in my arms, to feel his arms around my waist in a hug. I wanted to remember that shy affection he used to give me when we were younger. I wanted to see happiness shine in his eyes as he grew up with laughter and smiles around him. I wanted to stay here with him, tell him everything I couldn't have told him before.

_It's not your fault this happened. I should have never let Father train you to be like me. _

I wanted to hold him, to listen to the laughter echoing through his chest and filling my ears with the warm sound. I wanted everything to return to the way it used to be with no pain, tears, or destruction. I wanted that little boy back. I reached out as he sat down.

My fingers went right through his shoulder. Shocked and feeling that empty despair of loss that so often filled me, I stepped backward. Why couldn't I… unless, it was only a memory, and I was only allowed to observe it. But it was still _my_ memory! Damn it!

"Kohaku…" My throat tightened as tears blurred my vision. I was so _close_… if only I could have prevented it from happening.

Then I came out, at least, the part of me that was in the memory. 'I' sat down on the steps, applying the bandages to Kohaku's wrist with the affection of an older sibling. I had always taken care of my younger brother when he was little, taking on the responsibility not only as an older sister but a mother, which was probably why my father didn't apply the bandages himself. The 'Sango' in the memory was wearing my village outfit, the pink and green kimono. After she finished fixing Kohaku's wrist, the two of them sat in silence.

Kohaku threw the sickle again, this time successfully catching it and toying with the chain. "_Ane-ue_?"

"_Hmmm?_" Village Sango replied, petting Kirara.

"_Do demons really breathe fire and toxin as they say?_"

"_Sometimes_."

"_Then it's true_." My brother sighed, his shoulders slumping. Village Sango looked mildly concerned about his negative response, looking almost curiously at him.

"_What's wrong, Kohaku? Are you afraid_?"

"_N - no_!" But his voice lacked the usual confidence he had when talking about the day that he would be able to slay demons properly. Village Sango put her hand on his shoulder and patted it comfortingly. She was speaking to him about the different types of demons they destroyed, but I wasn't listening.

He was only eleven, and he had died during his first mission. Of course he was afraid, even if he acted like he wasn't. But why hadn't I realized that the life of the _taijiya_ was not meant for him? He had never really enjoyed fighting demons, at least not like the others did.

"Touching, isn't it?"

The voice came from behind me and the image faded. I was standing alone in the middle of a smooth landscape. I whirled around, expecting to face a spiritual creature of some sort, only to see…

Myself.

The figure that looked exactly like me stood in front of me, smirking. "Nice memories, Sango. However, it's a good thing you came, I was starting to get tired of the repeated memories of Kohaku. You rarely think about anything - or anyone - else."

I didn't say anything. It was just like staring at a moving reflection of myself in a mirror, only the figure wasn't in a mirror. The armour was the same, the stance that it held was the exact same as mine, and its voice was mine, though slightly deeper and with a hint of cold menace.

"What's the matter, Sango? Miss your brother?"

I stared at it, too busy trying to figure out a way to lower its defences. If it truly was me, then it would have the same tactics, the same strengths, and the same weaknesses…

That was going to be a problem. What were my weaknesses? I had perfected my taijiya training over the years to the point that if an enemy managed to get a blow in, it was considered a lucky hit. It had been some time since I had fought against an equal opponent. I had never imagined I would be fighting a creature like this. If I didn't know my own weak spots, how was I supposed to defeat myself?

Finally, I managed to say something, although it didn't come out in the confident manner I usually spoke. "You - you're Tsuyuki?"

"Yes and no," it answered, its eyes boring into mine. They were not a dark brown; they were a dark red, and the expression on its face was filled with utmost hatred. "I'm not you in the sense that I am not human, but as you can see, I took on your form." It flicked its wrists and I backed away, as two blades sprung out, gleaming silver and twice as long.

I unconsciously reached behind me to grab Hiraikotsu and rip this thing in half, which would undoubtedly save me a lot of battle stress, but then my fingers only grasped air, and I remembered with a slight jolt of panic: I didn't have Hiraikotsu. Trying to calm my nerves down, I unsheathed my katana, even though I didn't really want to fight. True, I was a demon slayer, a _taijiya_, and known for being the best slayer around, but this demon… I sensed it was different from the others.

"Stay away from me."

"Are you afraid to fight me?" Tsuyuki taunted, advancing towards me.

I didn't answer. Normally I would have loved being able to confront this demon that had been able to possess me for so long, but fighting something that looked exactly like me was just too strange. It was unnerving. I couldn't fight myself, but what choice did I have? How could I return to the others?

Kaede-sama hadn't told me how to 'wake up' from the Dream Realm.

* * *

. 

I watched her, still holding her hand. I hadn't been able to tell her just how much I loved her, and now I doubted whether or not I would ever get to tell her. I had had so many chances before to tell her, yet I had never thought about telling her directly. Did she know, or did she assume I cared about her as that of a close friend?

Inuyasha went outside, pretending to be bored and annoyed by the whole thing, but we knew he was just as concerned as the rest of us. Kagome-sama stayed by me and Sango, a worried expression on her face.

"Do you think Sango-chan will make it through this?" she said.

I nodded, although I didn't believe my own words. "She'll be alright. She's strong."

"But if it can read her thoughts, since it's been inside her mind, then won't it try to use Kohaku-kun against her?" Kagome pointed out.

"I hope not," I said quietly. Sango did have a tendency to lose her resolve when things came to the subject of Kohaku, but I couldn't blame her. She said she had always been extremely close to her brother, and to see him like this, trying to kill her constantly or kill the rest of the group, was slowly tearing her apart inside.

Shippou looked at Sango's still form. "When is she going to wake up?" Before we could answer, he shot another question at us. "Why can't she just fight the demon physically?"

"Kaede-sama can't draw it out of her. It's too strong Shippou," I answered. "Because it's more like a spiritual demon, it can't be battled with in a physical fight."

Kagome picked him up, giving him a comforting hug. Kaede came over, offering each of us a bowl of stew. I don't think any of us were really that hungry at the moment.

"Miroku, when it Sango going to wake up?"

It was more like _if_ she would ever wake up.

* * *

. 

"Why did you make me kill Kirishi-san and Reichi-kun? They were only _children_!"

I had raised my katana, but only in defence. I really did not want to fight this creature, not when it resembled me so much.

"You like to think about Kohaku a lot, don't you?"

I said nothing, trying to block what it was saying from my mind. I would _not_ let the memories of my brother distract me. Unfortunately, Tsuyuki had no intention of letting the subject go.

"You know," it began, unsheathing its own katana and striking out at me. On instinct, I blocked it, but the strength behind it was stronger than mine and I stumbled backwards. "Kohaku was a very peaceful boy once. Too bad Naraku took control of him. It aimed a slash at my neck, but the vicious attack was obvious in its path and I was able to move out of the way in time.

"Shut up." I knew what it was trying to do. It was trying to distract me, to keep me unfocused.

"That day, you failed to protect Kohaku. You didn't get to the lord in time, and -"

"I said _shut up_!" Furious by its attempts to sabotage me, I aimed an attack. However, it was an attack blinded by rage from the painful reminder that I had failed, and Tsuyuki side-stepped it easily. As I moved past it by the force of my own blow, I felt a searing pain drive into my back. It had stabbed me.

Pain was no stranger to me. When I had first started training to become a demon slayer, I got injured almost all of the time. Sometimes it was because I didn't back away in time, and other times I didn't attack in the direction I had intended to. The result was the many bruises and scars that covered my body in different places, mainly hidden by my clothing. I had been stabbed in the back by my brother's sickle and shot by a volley of arrows in the same day. I had been buried alive, only to realize hours later, that I could still breathe, that I could still push past the dirt to grasp at the air and attain another chance in life. Another chance for vengeance.

However, no matter how deep the attacks had been, no matter how many times I had been cut by the sword of an enemy who happened to get in a lucky hit or by the chained sickle that my brother held, the pain still hurt.

Forcing myself to block out the fierce pain by sheer willpower, I moved to the side just as a blade struck down where I had been just moments before.

"What a fool. You are already at a disadvantage by fighting in your own mind. Why don't you just give up so I can take control of your body and you can see your brother again?"

"No…" I stood up. The pain was not planning to recede anytime soon, and I wasn't sure how long I could fight with a deep wound in my back. I felt a warm, sticky fluid seep out of the wound and down my back. "I can't do that."

"Then I guess I'll have to make you." It raised its katana and charged at me again. This time, I was ready to defend myself.

For a short while, we traded blows, although I didn't manage to breach its defences, and it never seemed to tire.

At one point, I stopped to take a moment and breathe, sweat covering my forehead, and it slashed across my stomach, causing blood to fly out. I let out a hiss of pain, but quickly recovered. It attacked me again, almost throwing me off guard. I brought up my blade up just in time, but its strength drove me back and I fell onto the ground, drops of blood splattering everywhere. Tsuyuki struck downwards again and I rolled out of the way, the metal colliding against the ground. It grinned.

"Quick, aren't you?"

I got back up, the wound sending pains up my front and back. If I didn't figure out a way to destroy it soon, it would kill me. It charged at me. I managed to bring my blade back up in time to block, but my arms were getting tired and it forced me back against a tree trunk. My back scraped against the rough back, and a jolt of pain shot up my back from the open wound. Its katana pressed up against mine, slowly sliding up to press against my throat. The only reason the sharp metal hadn't yet cut the skin on my neck was because I was putting all my strength behind my katana to keep my opponent's weapon from killing me. It grinned, and although I would most likely lose within the next few minutes due to exhaustion and loss of blood, I would _never_ give the demon the satisfaction of knowing what it had done to me. If I had to die within my own mind while doing this, I would find a way to bring it down with me.

The metal tip came closer, barely brushing my neck. "Sad. I thought you would have been more of a challenge."

"At least I don't use others to kill innocent people," I shot back, my voice sounding worn out. The red in its eyes darkened, then it smiled.

"You will still die, taijiya. Now you'll never be able to avenge your precious family and I can still kill all of your friends. Face it. You will not claim victory over me."

I refused to say anything, grip tightening on my katana as I struggled to keep the blade away from my throat. My muscles ached with the effort, and no matter how much I struggled… I was going to die.

Defeated by myself.

Why was it that when I needed my physical strength most, it failed me?

* * *

_Completed - May 9th, 2005_

_Posted - June 22nd, 2005_

_Well, this chapter wasn't as long as I would have liked it to be, but considering that part of it was only action, I think I did fairly well. By the way, just because she sees a vision/memory of something doesn't necessarily mean she is thinking about that particular memory. It just shows automatically, like you're watching all the events in your life like a show. I didn't put that many memories in for Sango because One, I didn't want to keep adding in flashbacks, and Two, the fighting was a crucial part of this chapter, not the emotions. I was considering putting down a preview of the next chapter, but that would just ruin it. :grins: I think I'll leave you in suspense till the next chapter… which might not be posted for another 3 weeks._

_Once again, reviews would be very inspiring. As in, inspirational enough to make me want to post Chapter 15. I **want** to post... but I'm afraid I can't. At least not until the end of July at this rate. _

_Please:makes puppy eyes:_


	15. Not Alone

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Happy?

_Chapter 15. Wow. The injuries that Sango receives while she is sleeping are synchronized with what Miroku sees. Basically, if Tsuyuki slashes her arm, during Miroku's POV he will see a slash appear on her arm. A few chapters ago, I started cutting off the suffixes that are usually attached to the characters' names, and the only reason I have done that is because constantly typing down the suffixes is getting rather annoying, and personally, I want to concentrate more of the remainder of this story… which is in fact not too far off!_

_I think I switched the dialect for Kaede from one of the earlier chapters -.-'. I did go through and make some last-minute changes, especially to the parts that were worded so awkwardly they made me cringe while re-reading. The InuKag moments were a little rushed, but this story and particularly this chapter were not focusing on them. I was lucky to be able to find an excuse to add their 'sympathy' in at all without changing the flow of things. _

_Oh, and correct me if I used the wrong suffix for Kaede. Some of the scenes may seem a bit rushed, and the wording and descriptions are not quite as fluent as they could possibly be. (Please keep in mind that almost all of this is still the draft I had typed out in May, so the extent of my writing in May obviously is not as good as the more recent works.)_

**Buddym: **Actually, I usually post just before I sign off for the night, usually a day ahead of time. However, not all of us live in the same time zone, so other people may be receiving the update during the afternoon rather than the next morning. Yes, I like leaving people in suspense.

**Inuyashagirl: **It wasn't **that** short. -.- It was quite a few pages shorter than my usual chapters, but it was still a considerable length compared to the one-shots I have. I can only do fight scenes when there's less than 3 people. I shall stop rambling about things people don't care about. But thanks for your comments - they give me motivation.

**Sue sue magoo: **To be honest, I still think I can do better than this. But this is, after all, my first properly chaptered story, so I don't think I'm doing that bad. Where are there grammatical errors? o.o Maybe QuickEdit messed around with my formatting again! Oh, it's not this story I'm having trouble with, it's the sequel. I'm not swamped with schoolwork anymore (I'm replying to this on June 23rd), but I'm still having tons of trouble with the sequel. And I'm lazy. You're welcome.

**Question: **As odd as your guess seems, I think I understand how you got that idea. Basically since Sango's life is being threatened by Tsuyuki, you think that Miroku can somehow use the ritual to help her by using his mind? Sorry, that's not how it's going to end, although that does sound like an interesting idea. :winks:

**Starriecat: **Really? I don't think it's that great, but… :shrugs: I like the compliments anyways!

**YoukaiTajiyaSango: **Lol, that's okay. That means you're enjoying it. I hope?

**Blusorami: **You're back! I'm not a big action person either, but I had to do it. Action is always a good thing for plots. But I do think the battle scene last chapter beats Chapter 6.

**Ninalee-chan: **I see what you mean. That wasn't my specific intention. Sango is not battling her 'other self'… she is simply battling Tsuyuki, but it does know her weaknesses and that's how it plans to destroy her.

**Jenn: **There are **way** too many stories out there that focus solely on Inuyasha and Kagome. I include them in this story, but just enough to give a sense of background and occasionally some humour. Sango indirectly told him that she cared about him, and once he was certain about it, he returned it. With encouragement like that… I would feel like writing the Sequel a lot more often… (Thanks!)

_One page of reviews XD. Time to get on with this chapter!

* * *

_

I watched her, noting how scratches constantly appeared on various parts of her body, bleeding profusely. Kagome-sama grabbed a cloth, wet it, then handed it to me and I wiped the blood away. Even if I couldn't help her fight, I could at least clean her up and prevent any of her injuries from getting worse.

Kaede-sama came in, giving us a puzzled look. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning her wounds," I answered, watching as the expression on my partner's face tensed, then scrunched into a look of pain. Her hands clenched the blankets.

"Houshi-sama, that won't do any good. The injuries she receives are from another world, and they will continue to bleed while she remains sleep because she has attained them from a spiritual world," Kaede-sama not-so-patiently informed me.

I felt anger rise up in me. I felt so helpless just to watch as Sango was going through some kind of painful ordeal. "Then why will they _remain after _she wakes up if they came from _another world_?" I shot at her. I didn't mean to sound so rude, but my worry was increasing and I could do nothing about the situation Sango had been forced into.

Kaede-sama shook her head. "That's just the way it works."

A slash suddenly cut itself across her waist, causing blood to stream out. I wiped it away only to have more blood cover my hands. "Damn it, Kaede! What can I do!" Even Kagome-sama was starting to look alarmed.

"There is only one thing we can do. If she wakes up, we can bandage her wounds. As long as she stays asleep, the effect of the wounds will still be there. But if I wake her up, we can bandage her up properly and allow her to have a short rest," Kaede said.

"But how can we wake her up?" She had never mentioned how to do that before Sango had first headed into the Dream Realm.

"I will do it." The old woman knelt down by Sango and placed her hand across the taijiya's forehead, just as more of the crimson liquid spread out from behind her back, staining the mat and floor. Her body glowed yellow, then the glow faded. Kaede sat back as the taijiya let out a faint moan of pain and opened her eyes. I immediately put an arm around her shoulders to steady her, and she looked at me, her eyes unfocused. "Miroku?" she whispered.

Kagome's eyes went wide at the way Sango spoke my name, but after receiving a warning glare from me, she flushed, standing up to leave and scooping Shippou up in her arms. The good thing about Kagome-sama was that she always seemed to know just when Sango and I needed privacy of some sort.

"I'm here, Sango. Are you alright?"

Instead of answering, her hands went down to cover the wound on her stomach, wincing. She looked faintly disgusted at the feel of her own blood on her fingers.

"Here." I wrapped some bandages around the wound.

"Am I… is this… real?" she asked. It was almost like she was afraid.

"This is real," I assured her, pulling her against me as she rested her head in the crook of my neck.

"But how…"

"Kaede did it. She said we could clean your injuries if she 'woke' you."

Her hand grasped mine and she let out a sigh of relief, although it sounded shaky to me. "I can't do this. Not by myself."

"Yes, you can." I paused, then added, "You have to."

I held her tighter to me, feeling her entire body tremble as she spoke, her voice muffled because she had buried her head in my chest. "No. You don't understand. I - _I'm fighting against myself_. Tsuyuki has access to all my memories of Kohaku…" She took a deep breath as she tried to hold herself together. "…it's so much stronger than me. Miroku, it - it took on my form."

"Sango, you are the only one that can fight it."

"No." The word came out in a whimper, something extremely uncharacteristic for her. "I don't want to." Her voice shook and I felt wetness on my shoulder. I didn't want to remind her of all the past events she had gone through, but if she was to get through this…

"Do you want to be forced to kill more people? Do you want more innocent people to die?"

She didn't answer, and I moved back to get a good look at her face. A few tears were silently streaming down her cheeks, and her bangs almost obscured her eyes as she looked down.

"Do you?" I pressed. Although I was acting harsh when the situation didn't call for it, I couldn't let Sango see how truly worried I was for her. I cared about her too much to allow her to give up on herself like this, and to do that, to help her through this, I had to act tough and make her see the reason for all this. True, she did understand that Tsuyuki would no longer be tormenting her, but she didn't seem to understand why she had to do it.

She closed her eyes, her voice low. "You know I don't."

"Then you have no choice but to fight it, Sango," I told her firmly. "Other people might suffer, and you're the only person who can beat it." She started to shake her head. "Sango, the demon took over _your_ mind -"

"Because I'm a weak person!" she said, her voice cracking. "Miroku, do you know _why _it took over me?"

"No, but -"

"It said I have nothing left to gain. My family is dead, and the chances of me and you being together, living together if we can track down Naraku and somehow find a way to defeat him are slim. It took over me because I was more vulnerable to emotions like anger and sadness, and I wasn't able to put up as much of a fight as I should have."

I tried to interrupt her. "Sango, that's not -"

"It was right, Miroku. It has always been right. Everything it told me was true." She wiped her eyes before continuing. "All I have left is you, and in the end… I may not even have that. That's what I'm afraid of… " Her voice went even lower until it was barely audible, and I almost didn't catch her last words. "… being alone."

I grabbed her and pulled her against me rather roughly, trying to give her any possible comfort with my body rather than my words. "Sango, you listen to me. You're stronger than this, and I won't let Naraku win. None of us will. So don't you start believing anything else, especially what a _demon_ says!"

Where was the Sango I knew? Where was the determination, the fiery resolution I had come to know? The taijiya was at her weakest, and the time had come when we needed her to use her strength most. Damn Tsuyuki to hell. It had put her through all this and destroyed her complete confidence as a person _and_ a warrior.

I wanted to grab her bottom so she would slap me and call me a lecher. Just so I could see the fire in her eyes and know that things would be alright. But I knew she wouldn't, and this definitely was not the time and place to be making jokes about it. She needed my comfort and strength to build up her own confidence. That was the only thing I could do.

"You're not alone." I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and hugged her to me as close as possible.

"You have me."

* * *

Some time later, after Sango had calmed down, I fetched some dinner and she ate it, remarking how hungry she was. She finished it quickly and I fixed her wounds while she rested against me. As I did that, I tried to get her to tell what she had seen, or gone through, in the Dream Realm. 

"Sango, it's not _you_. It may have taken on your form, but -"

"It had access to my memories since it was in my mind. I saw Kohaku before he went on the mission, but I couldn't touch him."

"Did Tsuyuki use him against you?" I was careful to keep my tone as gentle as possible. She usually did not react very well to memories of her sibling, and I didn't want to push her to tell me about something if it was too painful for her.

"It tried to," she said, staring straight ahead, a solemn look on her face. I took her hand.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

She leaned against me, her head on my chest. "I… I guess so. But I just want to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Don't leave me."

Sensing her distress at the situation, I pulled her even closer against me, kissing the top of her head and putting my arms around her waist in a secure way. "I would never leave you, Sango."

"I know you said you wouldn't, but in the Dream Realm, I'm alone," she whispered. I didn't say anything. "Before you send me back, I just… I want to spend some time with you."

Silently I helped her up and we went outside, determined to be with each other and enjoy a few moments of peace.

Without worrying.

* * *

Not too far away, Inuyasha and Kagome were having a slight argument. The hanyou was sitting on his usual tree branch, scowling about the whole thing. 

"Inuyasha, you know how important this is," she called up to him. He looked away from her, glaring into the darkening horizon.

"I still don't get why she hid this for so long," he grumbled, the annoyance and anger evident in his blunt tone.

"She didn't want to put us in danger. It would have killed us." She sighed, looking up at him. "Will you just come down so I don't have to say it?"

He glanced down at her, seemingly unfazed by her 'threat'. "Why don't I just drag you up here with me?"

"I'm not that comfortable about heights," she complained, looking slightly irritated. Why couldn't he cooperate, just for this once?

"That's your problem," he retorted, about to relax back on the tree branch.

"Inuyasha… _osuwari_!"

He plummeted to the ground, narrowly missing being slammed into other branches before his face came in contact with the ground. A curse escaped his mouth, but after a minute the incantation wore off and he stood up, remaining unusually calm. "Happy now?" he growled at her, not looking very happy about having to breathe in the dirt again.

Kagome approached him, smiling faintly. "Yes, actually. Now we can talk."

"About?"

"Sango-chan and Miroku-sama."

She stopped smiling, a worried expression coming back over her face. "They've gotten a lot closer ever since they left to go to Mount Hikoshira."

He shrugged, glancing back in the direction of the hut. "So?"

"What if Miroku-sama loses Sango-chan?"

Her words had the desired effect on him as he roughly grabbed her shoulders. Even though he was glaring at her, she knew he was just as concerned about their friends as she was. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Sango-chan has to fight the demon in the Dream Realm. What if… what if she doesn't make it? When I was back in there with Miroku-sama, she gained numerous injuries and they wouldn't stop bleeding. Kaede-obaa-san said that as long as she remained 'asleep', the injuries would continue to flow because they were from the Dream Realm." Kagome had difficulty masking just how worried she was, and Inuyasha was starting to panic. He didn't know how to comfort people; normally Kagome did that job. But now she was becoming scared for her friends, seeing as she might lose one of them, and Inuyasha didn't know what to say to make her feel better. So he settled for his usual method.

"Stupid idiot, of course Sango's gonna make it!" he said, trying to cover the concern in his voice by using a much harsher tone, which was unnecessary given the situation. "She's strong, you know that."

"But I'm just saying, what if something happens and it defeats her? After all, if it's in her mind," she said, looking back in the direction of the hut then switching her gaze back to him, "Miroku-sama won't be there to help her."

"Kagome," he said, his voice having a slightly softer quality to it. This was the closest he ever came to being considerably _nice_. "It's okay. She'll be fine."

Although he tried his best to sound reassuring, Kagome's fears could not be settled.

* * *

"Sango?" I asked. She was resting in my lap, staring up at the darkening sky. Her hands were in her lap as her head leaned back against my shoulder, and I had my arms around her waist. It was extremely comfortable, and if circumstances had been different, I think the both of us would have been content to stay like this for rest of the night. 

"Yeah?" Her voice sounded very quiet.

"What are you thinking about?"

She glanced back at me, then lowered her gaze to her hands. "About the fact that I'll have to go back in there."

I took her hand in mine, squeezing it and smiling even though she couldn't quite see it. "You'll be fine." When she looked at me to see if I believed my own words, I took the opportunity to give her a brief, but gentle kiss, and she leaned her head into the crook of my neck. Her cheeks took on a very light shade of pink, so I knew she was still shy about our relationship but was growing more comfortable about the closeness between us. It wasn't too intimate, but intimate enough so that if I chose to 'snuggle' with her when our companions were around, they would know we wanted a bit of privacy. There was a long moment of silence.

"I saw Kohaku. I saw Father… I could walk into my village," she recalled, her voice barely loud enough for me to hear. "It was like… it was like being back home again, only I couldn't be seen, heard or felt."

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say, or even if she expected me to say anything. When I used to join her and offer my solace during our previous travels, sometimes all she wanted was silence. Silence meant I respected the fact that she didn't feel like sharing her thoughts. I was lucky to have gained this much trust in her, seeing as she hadn't been able to trust anyone since the annihilation of her village.

"It's okay," she said, a faint smile on her expression. "It almost felt like I had a chance to revisit the past… see things how they used to be."

"Are your injuries feeling better?" I asked her.

Instead of answering, she shifted in my lap so that she was facing me and lay her head against my chest, closing her eyes and relaxing. I moved my hand up and down her back, almost as if to soothe her, and she tightened her grip on the front of my robes. When she spoke, her voice was so quiet that I hadn't been straining my hearing, I wouldn't have caught it.

"When I'm with you… nothing else matters. Nothing is as important as the future that I want to attain with you, and even if things aren't going the way I want them to, you always make better of whatever situation we're in."

Nothing that I could say would express the joy that filled my heart at those softly spoken words.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kagome and Inuyasha were on their way back. 

Kagome was quiet, worrying about her friend, and Inuyasha found the silence to be rather uncomfortable. He rarely saw her upset like this, and he had no idea how to cheer her up. Normally, it was Kagome who kept the atmosphere light during stressful times in our little group, and when she left to return home, we didn't usually get along quite as well. Especially Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha," the miko said. Her shoulder occasionally brushed his as they walked. He looked at her. "If the demon is in Sango-chan's mind, it can use Kohaku against her, can't it?"

This time he stopped, his eyes revealing just a hint of the worry he felt for Sango and concern for Kagome. "Kagome, listen to me," he said firmly. "She's _strong_."

"But Miroku-sama won't be able to comfort her."

"Your point?"

A note of frustration entered her voice. "He cares about her… but he can't help her, so she may not make it because of the emotional pain when it comes to Kohaku-kun."

* * *

We entered the room, Sango feeling a bit more calm. Kaede was sitting by the mat, looking as serene and calm as always about the circumstances of things. "Are you ready, child?" 

She nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be. Kaede-sama," she suddenly said as she sat down on the mat. "You didn't tell me that you could bring me out of the Dream Realm… why?"

The old woman looked at her. "I never thought about that. To be honest, I did not want you to panic. You are an extremely strong fighter, but I knew that if I gave any sign of doubt about this…" she trailed off. "I know this seems very much like a risky assumption, but I believed there would be need to tell you about this. I took solace in the belief that you would win this."

Sango's gaze hardened on her. "_Risky assumption?"_ she repeated. "Kaede-sama, this isn't like a game! I have an evil spirit trying to take control of me, and I can't make the _assumption_ that I will win, because I'm not that strong! I'm not as strong as you think I am, and if I lose this… "

I touched her arm, trying to cool her temper a bit with my touch, and she settled down a bit, still glaring at Kaede. "Sango, this isn't the time to be placing blame on anyone. We'll have time to discuss it after."

"Will there be an _after_, Miroku?" she demanded, turning her cold stare to meet mine. "I -"

Before she could go on, I put my finger on her lips, effectively silencing her. After another long moment of silence, the anger in her eyes faded as she gave up, leaning against my shoulder and burying her head in my neck as I stroked her hair.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice slightly muffled. "I don't mean to be like this, it's just that…"

"I know."

A minute or two passed, then she pulled away, her expression not as tensed. Just then, Inuyasha and Kagome came in.

"Sango-chan!" Kagome said. The taijiya gave the miko a smile, but without heart in it.

"Kagome-chan," she said.

Kagome gave her a worried look. "Are you alright?"

The taijiya nodded and gave all of us an unconvincing smile. "Don't worry."

Inuyasha spoke up, his voice unusually gentle.

"You can overcome this thing, Sango. You're a pretty damn strong fighter, and we need you in the group," he said. I was shocked at how easily the words seemed to flow from his mouth, then I saw a flicker of understanding go through her eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered, and he nodded, turning to leave.

"Inuyasha, wait." Kagome got up to follow him, and they left, leaving us in privacy for a few minutes longer.

* * *

Kaede handed her a cup of the bitter-tasting mixture and she drank it, the same disgusted look on her face as she struggled to gulp it all down without spitting it back out. 

"The next time you gather herbs to make medicine or things like this, could you please at least _try_ to get ones that taste half-decent?" she said, forcing down the rest of the liquid. Kaede only smiled, then motioned for her to lay back down as she began the chant.

Sango nodded and lay back down as she closed her eyes. This would likely be the last time that she could open her eyes, and there was still so much I wanted to tell her. I opened my mouth, trying to build up the courage to tell her my feelings. After all, she had admitted that she wanted to be with me almost a week ago, and I doubt she knew that I felt the same way about her. Although I had hugged and kissed her, I was not sure. I hadn't told her.

"Sango… I…"

Her body started glowing and I honestly doubted that she would make it this time. She was fighting in one of the most vulnerable places anyone could think of; the place where the mind is exposed to anyone who can read it, and this demon obviously loved to play with her emotions. Either that, or make her suffer in some way.

She was extremely sensitive and compassionate about those she loved. Even when she thought she had given up because she couldn't take it anymore and needed a shoulder to cry on, to me it seemed like she had more courage than any of us. She had had her home destroyed and all the friends and family she had known her entire life killed in one day, yet she continued on, not letting her hatred and rage consume her and prevent her from completing her goal. I respect her for that more than I could ever say, and she probably wouldn't believe me if I did tell her that.

"I love you," I whispered. The glow faded and she didn't move. I didn't know if she had heard me, and I prayed with every fibre of my being that she could open her eyes one more time to let me know she had.

I cared for her, not just for the person I had seen fight, but the real Sango, the one who would occasionally laugh and slap me several times before I would remove my hand from her butt. But through it all, she still loved me.

I love her. But nothing I could say or do would aid her in the final fight.

All I could do now was wait.

* * *

_Finished typing - May 19th, 2005 _

_Posted - July 18th, 2005_

_The repetition dialogue in this chapter stuns me. I don't believe how many times I made Sango and Miroku say the same things over and over to each other, just in different ways. Hey, it's been two months since I opened this chapter to read it and find any errors. Of course I'll probably miss some, but that's what you guys are here for (other than the story, that is)._

_By the way, if anyone wondered about the timing of their relationship in terms of the actual series starting at Chapter 1, it would probably be shortly before 118. The proposal in Chapter 7 strengthened their characters and would have taken place alongside episode 132, and the rest is due partially to my imagination and the fact that the extent of fluff we will ever see in the anime is, "If there's anything I can do, let me know." _

_-_

_**I have no idea when I will post Chapter 16, so here's a preview:**_

… _there is a difference between knowing someone is dead, and acknowledging the fact that you can never see, hear or touch that person again. It's not something I want to face. _

_There are so many things I fear…_

A cold blade pressed against the skin on the back of my neck, and a voice, a familiarly eerie voice whispered in my ear:

"Welcome back, taijiya."

I did not answer, shifting and trying to squirm my way free despite the burning pain, but to no avail. Tsuyuki was me, in its own twisted way, so it still had my strength.

-

**Maybe I'm being a bit generous with this preview… however, you guys probably won't see Chapter 16 for a long time. I really need to write more. **

**Iggy - Essence of Angst **


	16. Vulnerability, Part One

_Yup. Chapter 16, Part One. No, this isn't the final chapter. I can't say much more about it without spoiling the ending. Since this chapter is rather short, reviewer responses will have to be brief. _

**YoukaiTajiyaSango, Inuyashagirl **and **Miroku's pet vixen**: Thanks for the comments.

**Ninalee-chan: **As Sango herself said back in chapter 13, Miroku doesn't know what it's like to be controlled, therefore he can't really understand the strength that one needs while fighting an inner demon. There is only so much that words can do, but in Miroku's case, it is the only thing he can do. And yes, a flicker of Sango and Inuyasha's mutual relationship showed itself as a sentimental understanding for when the taijiya needed it the most.

**Jenn: **I actually have the final chapters typed out, they just need to be edited. :ducks to avoid various flying objects: Don't worry, they will all be posted by the end of the month! I swear!

**Blusorami: **:grins: Really? It was just a little thing, insignificant if you're not into romance, but I think Sango needed to hear it.

**Starriecat: **It depends.

_Oh, this chapter is originally in Sango's POV, but as it switches from Miroku's from time to time, I thought you might get a little confused.

* * *

_

As Kaede chanted the incantation and the warmth passed over me, I thought I heard Miroku say something. I thought I knew what it might have been, but by the time he said it, his voice was distant and sounded blurred, even though I knew he was right beside me. Before I could say anything, I had re-entered the Dream Realm.

It was almost the exact same place as the first time. I 'arrived' in a smooth landscape with a slightly hazy fog around me, unable to see very far. There was no laughter or the sound of happy people running around just ahead, and the memories of my village didn't appear like they had the last time. Instead, there were moments 'playing' between me and Houshi-sama.

"_Your concern for me means more than that of any other woman_."

I turned around to see a scene of myself on a hillside. Village Sango was blushing, pretending that Miroku's gratefulness regarding his rescue from that possessed woman wasn't necessary just because it had been her that had happened to care enough about his situation to rescue him.

"_You would have been fine_."

Miroku reached over to place his hand on hers, and her face heated up. At that time, I had become quite fond of him, although I wasn't sure if his groping made me irritated because of the fact that he was flirting with other girls, or if it was just because his lecherous ways annoyed me. I noticed by that time that he seemed to like groping other women a lot, and that he constantly asked just about every woman at every village that he could find to bear his children, although he never once asked me. Good thing too, because I would have slapped him for asking something so stupid.

The sound of a frantic voice reached my ears. I turned around to witness the scene at Mr Hakurei, where Miroku had nearly died because of all the poison from the Saimyoushou, he had once again, sucked in to save my life.

"_Houshi-sama! Houshi-sama, wake! Please, open your eyes," _Village Sango protested, trying to rouse the monk.

At that time, I remembered how desperate I had been to try and wake him up. My attempts were futile, and I actually cried for a few seconds before he regained consciousness. Miroku's smooth, masculine voice drew my attention back.

"_Sango… I think I overdid it this time_." He held up his gloved hand, an ironic smile on his face. The one thing he had feared to kill him was actually killing him, just not in the way he had intended it to for so many years. "_Please, survive this for me_."

"_No!_" the Taijiya protested furiously, tears clinging to her eyelashes.

"_You have to go on without me_."

Again she shook her head, and moving closer to him. "_NO!_ _If you can't come with me, at least let me die with you_!" She burst into tears, burying her face in hisneck as he patted her soothingly on her back.

I swallowed. Even if I hadn't admitted it then, I had, almost against my will, fallen in love with him. And of course, as I looked back on that time, I realized how much I truly cared for the monk. However, it had taken a huge risk on his part, nearly killing him, to make me realize how much I loved him, even if I had pretended I didn't say any of that on the way back. I still wasn't sure if he really wanted to stay with me, but I knew I wanted to be with him. He was my partner, my companion, and maybe, just maybe, my future husband. I needed him.

However, as I turned around to resume my pace, another memory appeared. One that brought back the confused feelings about Miroku about a few months after I had first started travelling with the rest of the group.

Kuranosuke.

* * *

"_I have already waited years to see you. I don't mind waiting a little longer, as long as you come back to me_."

He had been extremely possessive, claiming my hand in marriage as soon as he caught word that I was travelling outside of my village area. I had been uncertain of my relationship with Miroku, although I did recognize that I felt angry, almost upset, by the fact that he did not try to prevent Kuranosuke from taking my hand in marriage.

"_Have a happy life_."

I could tell he was feeling a bit down a few times, but every time I had tried to speak with him about the situation I would be in if I were to follow through for this 'marriage', something happened to distract and end the conversation, and then he had become occupied by something else.

I continued to walk, so buried in my thoughts about Miroku and all the events that had led our relationship up to this that I didn't notice Tsuyuki behind me. My warrior senses should have alerted me to its presence, but they failed to warn me in time, and the next thing I knew, something had collided into my back, sending me face-first into the dirt.

* * *

Before I had the chance to get up, I could feel a considerably strong weight press onto my body, restraining me further into the dirt. A cold blade pressed against the skin on the back of my neck, and a voice, a familiarly eerie voice whispered in my ear:

"Welcome back, taijiya."

I moved my right elbow back so I could place my hand against the dirt so I could get up, but Tsuyuki grabbed it and twisted it at an angle that shot a searing pain up my arm. I closed my mouth tightly, not wanting to give it the satisfaction of hearing me cry out, but a small whimper of pain left my throat.

"You left me last time, just when things were getting exciting. You couldn't stand defeat, could you?"

I did not answer, shifting and trying to squirm my way free despite the burning pain, but to no avail. Tsuyuki was me, in its own twisted way, so it still had my strength. However, it didn't have my tactics, and I didn't need to think about them to be able to use it. Most of them were instinctive, due to hours and hours of training that Father had made me do.

Straining the only flexibility I had in my position and ignoring the pain to the best of my ability, I moved my other arm up, twisted my wrist and slashed the dagger behind me. Tsuyuki moved back with a hiss of pain, and I knew I had been directing at the right target. Slowly I stood up, rubbing my shoulder and trying to ignore the sharp, stabbing pains going up and down my arm. Some small part of me briefly wondered why it hadn't just broken my arm; that would have probably meant my defeat for sure, but I didn't question it. It was going to hurt like hell when I used it, but it was still an arm, and I wasn't about to let pain prevent me from doing what I needed to do.

I unsheathed my katana, holding it as steady as possible. It wasn't easy, since my shoulder ached so much, but I had no choice. Tsuyuki glared at me, a humourless grin crossing its mouth.

"Smart, aren't you?"

"No, just flexible."

It smirked and charged at me. "Flexibility does you no good if you can't use it." Its blade slashed against mine, and I kept parrying blows. I had to find some sort of weakness, one crack in its defences, or else I would be fighting for hours. Well, maybe not for hours, but I knew that fighting in my already tired condition would wear me out quickly. Something I had said a while ago to the others flashed in my mind, bringing back my concentration.

"_I guess I should get going. After all, it's only a matter of time, and it's my responsibility."

* * *

_

There wasn't really all that much to do. More than once since Kaede had sent her back into the Dream Realm, the others tried to get me to eat. Of course, I was way too worried to think about food. I was much more concerned with how Sango was doing against Tsuyuki.

"Miroku-sama… Miroku-sama," Kagome said, pushing the uneaten bowl of soup in front of me. She had been trying to get my attention for the past few minutes, but my focus was on Sango. I was still holding her hand, hoping that she could still sense my presence even as I knew she wouldn't be able to. "You should really try to eat something. You haven't eaten for a while."

"I will," I promised her. "Later." She let out a sigh of what might have been frustration, but before I could say that I really would, Inuyasha came in to check on things.

"How is she?" he asked.

A rush of anger and impatience about the entire situation rose in me, and I let go of her hand to turn around and glare at him. "She's battling for her mind and body, even her life. How do you think she's doing?" I snapped him.

The hanyou just snorted, unfazed. Then he left. Kagome lay a hand on my shoulder.

"Miroku-sama… I can understand that you care about her, but you don't have to be rude to Inuyasha," she told me softly.

"I'm sorry." I didn't need to explain; she saw it in my expression.

"You do have a relationship with her," she said. It was not a question, but a statement, almost a fact. I looked back at her. "You love her, don't you?" For once, she wasn't squealing in excitement about it, instead looking compassionate yet serious. "Have you told her?"

I shook my head and gazed back at Sango's face. Every so often, it seemed to tense with pain, and that bothered me greatly. Kagome had no idea how hard it was for me to just sit here and _do nothing_ to help her while she was obviously in some sort of pain. "Not directly."

"Why not?" Kagome asked. "She needs to hear it from you."

"I don't think she's ready to hear it yet," I said softly. Kagome looked confused. "I mean, I know she cares about me, but… I don't know. She's still shy, almost cautious around me despite our relationship, and it will take time for her to get used to having someone else close to her heart. Besides, it's better to wait until after Naraku is gone to tell her that… that I love her. I don't want to tell her now, then leave her suffering if I die before we defeat him. I think that would destroy her, and I don't want to do that no matter how much I care for her."

Kagome stared at me for a moment, understanding in her eyes, then looked back at the taijiya. After a pause, she said, "Well, I hope she makes it through this. Sango-chan may be a tough opponent to beat, but she's not invincible."

"I know that more than anyone," I said, so quietly that I doubted she heard it.

What Kagome said was true. Sango was an extremely tough opponent, and I had never seen her lose to a youkai before. However, at heart Sango was not the calm warrior she appeared to be on the outside, and she was more vulnerable to angry or sad emotions than any of us. In that sense, she was fragile.

* * *

My arms ached.

I still hadn't figured out a way to breach Tsuyuki's defences, although I knew that I couldn't last much longer. My fight arm still ached from earlier, and constantly using it to swing my katana to block any strikes that might cause my death hadn't improved its condition. My leg had finally healed partially, although dull pain still coursed through it whenever I made it support the majority of my weight.

Even though it had stopped taunting me about Kohaku, it had turned to none other than the subject of Miroku, and that's what scared me most.

The fact that the Kazaana would someday take him away from me.

_I know it will eventually happen, but there is a difference between knowing someone is dead, and acknowledging the fact that you can never see, hear or touch that person again. It's not something I want to face. I can't. Every time I face Kohaku, he moves, breathes and talks to me, but at the same time, he is not really alive. Even if we defeat Naraku and take Kohaku back by purifying the shard, he can't live that way. The innocent little boy I know is gone forever. _

The fact that Naraku might, in the end, force me to choose between my brother and my partner.

_I can't do that either. If Miroku dies before we defeat Naraku, I will save Kohaku from Naraku's clutches and tell him that _nothing_ is his fault. I refuse to lay the blame on him because now I understand how it feels. I will lay Kohaku to rest, and then… kill myself. _

_Damn it, there are so many things I'm afraid of, and most of them involve the one person I truly care about that might never find out. _

The clash of the demon's sword against mine brought me back to reality. Or rather, the Dream Realm. The strength behind it drove me back.

"What are your feelings for the monk?" it asked. I didn't answer. It grinned at me. "I guess I really don't have to ask. After all, I can still read your mind. For someone so strong, your emotions provide weak resistance to me. But then again, you are a warrior. You should die in honour of fighting, and not of worrying about whether or not you can save the ones you love. Your emotions will only result in your defeat, taijiya."

"Shut up."

_There are so many things I fear…_

"The relationship between you and the houshi is quite obvious. Despite his lecherism, you really care about him." Now it was really starting to make me angry. I knew what it was doing. It was trying, once again, to distract me by using my own inner weaknesses to enhance its victory, and I didn't like that.

"Shut up," I answered back. "You wouldn't even understand the emotions that a human can feel!"

… _so many things I never had the chance to say…_

"No, but I am familiar with the anger and hatred that comes when a loved one is in danger." It took a swipe at my stomach. Suddenly, without warning, it changed the direction of its swing at the last minute by flicking its wrist, and drove the blade through the top part of my leg.

There was no way I could keep from yelling in pain. The blood flew everywhere, and the pain was so strong that I fell backwards, clutching my leg and still managing to hold my katana up. The tip wavered and I almost dropped it

"You know, I could end this quickly and kill you, but I like the idea of your suffering." I backed away, a wave of exhaustion coming over me. Now what? I couldn't just keep fighting like this; eventually the loss of blood would take its toll on me. I may be a warrior, but I'm not invincible, and it's during moments like these when I am aware of it the most.

I didn't have long to wait. The colours blurred, and a wave of dizziness took over me. Before I could figure out what was happening, I felt a strange numbing sensation around my body, and my hearing dimmed.

No.

Not now.

* * *

_To be continued in Part Two… _

**_Finished typing - May 21st, 2005_**

_**Posted - August 12th, 2005**_

_Another chapter completed. I still can't believe I've finished typing 15 chapters (although the first two were pathetic). One of these days I'll go back and re-type them out if I ever have the inspiration, which I doubt. I hope you are still enjoying the story, and if not… _

_:shrugs: There's really nothing I can do about that. _

**Chapter 16, Part 2 Preview:**

Her hand tightened around her blade, and she didn't seem to be struggling in the slightest. No trembling, no visible straining. She seemed to be providing no resistance to Tsuyuki this time, and that was what scared me the most. Even if she hadn't lost, Tsuyuki was probably powerful enough by this point to prevent her from using her willpower to fight back.

I had to do _something_.


	17. Last Attempt, Part Two

**Disclaimer: **I still own nothing.

_Alright. :takes deep breath: This is the last chapter. I hope you don't hate the ending. _

_When I wrote this, I tried to extend my writing skills to the best of my ability. Written emotion is hard to capture, to feel among the pages as you read, and I had intended to accomplish that the most. _

_**Although it doesn't seem to be this way, Chapter 16 is originally in Sango's POV.

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**_

I sat beside her, worry building up in me as I saw blood spilling from a sudden gash on the upper part of her leg, a few inches above her knee. It was more than just a cut. I could tell by the amount of blood that spilled out that it was considerably deep. Her defences must have started to wear down because I had never seen her injured like this before. Tsuyuki must have found an opening. But what worried me was how pale and tired she looked, even in the trance-like state she sent in to battle this demon. Her face contorted and a whimper of pain escaped her mouth.

I looked at the miko, desperation in my voice. "Kagome-sama, get me a damp cloth. Hurry!" I knew it was no use to keep wiping the blood away, as Kaede had told me it would keep flowing as long as Sango remained in the Dream Realm, but I felt so helpless about the whole situation that I had to help her. I had to do _something_. I couldn't stand to just sit here and watch.

She nodded, standing up and going over. She picked up a clean white cloth, but before she could wet it, a sudden movement caught both of our attentions. Kagome looked back at her friend. "Sango-chan?" she asked nervously.

The taijiya had sat up, her eyes staring straight ahead while looking unfocused, her movement stiff but still somewhat fluent and graceful.

"Sango?"

Her hand tightened around her blade, and she didn't seem to be struggling in the slightest. No trembling, no visible straining. She seemed to be providing no resistance to Tsuyuki this time, and that was what scared me the most. Even if she hadn't lost, Tsuyuki was probably powerful enough by this point to prevent her from using her willpower to fight back. And I couldn't tell if that was the reason or if Sango had really been defeated.

Had she lost?

* * *

"Sango, can you hear me?" 

In response she turned and stood up, glaring at me. I backed away, and a good thing I did, because the blade came down, smashing into the wooden floor. Kagome let out a gasp of horror, backing away against the wall and dropping the cloth.

"S - Sango-chan?"

The taijiya kept moving forward to strike against me, and I moved back until I was against the wall. I met her gaze, trying to see past the blank, unfocused hold that Tsuyuki had on her. Her eyes were a dark red and I could see no emotion whatsoever except for determination. Most likely it was determination meant to kill me rather than the willpower to provide resistance to what Tsuyuki wanted her to do.

"Miroku-sama! Move away from her!" Kagome pleaded in warning, slowly making her way to the door. It seemed like she was trying to make an unnoticeable escape, but she didn't need to worry. Sango's gaze was focused directlyon me. Seeing that, Kagome took off, probably to find Inuyasha.

"Sango, fight it!" I pleaded. I had no idea if she really had lost or not, but if she hadn't, there was still a chance.

I grabbed her shoulders and shook her a bit, unable to tell if she was providing any resistance yet. She remained unfocused and the grip on her blade as she pressed it up against my throat tightened. I thought I saw a flicker of fear pass through her eyes. I almost smiled. So the warrior in Sango _was_ still fighting.

Her hand shook very slightly for the first time and the tip of the blade felt cold against my skin. The pressure behind it wasn't much, but all Tsuyuki had to do was twist Sango's wrist and the blade would slit my throat. I knew she must have been putting some sort of struggle against it because if she had not been, I would have been dead already. I've watched her fight enough times to recognize when she is hesitating about whether or not to make the final blow.

I didn't know what to do. If I tried to fight back, she would be able to overpower me. If I let my instinctive defences take over, she would kill me for sure. My defences were weak against her attack power, and I don't deny that if we were to fight one on one, she would win easily.

The only thing I could think of to do was to connect with her. Somehow I had to get through to her, and there was only one way to do that.

I placed my hand against the handle of the blade to prevent it from cutting the skin and going any deeper, and with my other hand, I grabbed her wrist so that Tsuyuki could not force her to attack me, at least for the time being. This was my chance, the one chance I had to help her.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. It was gentle and sweet, just a chaste kiss. I didn't know exactly why, but I knew it would help her.

Her eyes began to focus a little more after I pulled back, and I could have sworn I saw a faint sign of a smile curve the corners of her mouth. Had it worked?

"Miroku," she whispered, my name barely audible on her lips. I could feel her breath pass over my skin. "Thank you."

Although I sensed that Tsuyuki had relinquished control for the moment, Sango, _my Sango_, had regained momentary control, and I pulled her to me, inhaling her scent. Even though Tsuyuki could still control her body, could still run the katana through my body if I held her close to me like this, I sensed, that for the time being, it had weakened.

"I love you."

I did not expect her to say those three little words in return. She was not ready. But the smile she gave me and the words she said were not the words I ever thought I would hear.

"I'll hold you to that."

Did she mean what I thought she meant?

* * *

When I had realized what Tsuyuki was planning to make me do, I struggled against it as much as I could. Unfortunately my attempts were futile; I had felt my hand reaching for the katana. I was just too tired to fight back, at least in an obvious effort. And I had been fighting for a considerable amount of time before it took control of my body, so I was already worn out. 

I could still sense the fear surrounding Miroku, and when I turned, I saw his face. His expression was more of apprehension than anything else, but I could feel his fear. I felt my body stand up and advance towards him. I drew the blade and aimed it at his neck, my wrist shaking with the effort of not letting it slide against his neck.

_No._

The tip pressed harder, and I struggled not to let it cut through his skin. By this time, his left hand had grabbed the handle of the blade in an attempt to prevent it from killing him, and his other hand had grabbed my wrist and was trying to aim it elsewhere.

_Stop it! _

Then Miroku did something that I could have slapped him for at a time like this. He kissed me. Normally I wouldn't have minded such an action because I actually did enjoy when we kissed, but not in this case. I was slightly shocked he would do such a thing, especially when I was struggling resisting Tsuyuki's hold on my body, but it was sweet and gentle, and for that, I liked it.

It was enough to weaken the hold that Tsuyuki had on me. Maybe I could get through this.

As he pulled back, I gave him a faint smile.

"I love you," he said.

I didn't tell him I loved him back. It wasn't the right time, and besides, I wasn't sure if he was saying it because he really did love me, or if he was happy just because I had let him kiss and hold me. And in a way, I was still a little uncertain as to whether or not I loved him. I mean, I knew I cared about him immensely, more than any other in the group, but that still didn't mean that I loved him. Caring immensely about someone as a friend and _knowing _that you are in love with this person are two different things. There was, however, one way I could assure him things would be okay.

"I'll hold you to that," I told him. Then I felt the 'tunnel vision' fade as Tsuyuki drew back in defence. I felt my surroundings begin to whirl together in a blend of colours, and I knew I was heading back into the Realm to finish the fight.

* * *

I was back in the Dream Realm. It took me a minute to shake off the dizziness, but I kept my body tense, ready for any attacks that might come my way. Tsuyuki stood a few feet away from me, glaring and breathing hard in its rage. Something as simple as a show of affection, whether it be a hug or a kiss, had weakened the demon. Love was something it could not understand, and it could not fight what it refused to comprehend. 

"You think something like _that_ will defeat me?" it snarled, its eyes glowing with rage. I didn't answer and it charged at me.

I calmly side-stepped out of the way just inches before it passed me, keeping my blade up in defence in case it turned in my direction at the last minute to try and catch me off-guard. "You may be a demon, able to control me and force me to do things that I don't want to do, but you can never understand the feelings I have for Miroku. As powerful as you think you are, your ability to understand why humans keep going despite what they're put through is something you can't understand, and that's why you can't destroy me. Not physically, and not emotionally."

It was about to turn around, to snarl some retort at me, but I didn't give it the chance to. I stabbed the blade straight through its back and stomach, black blood spilling over the blade.

Normally I wouldn't give the warm, sticky substance another glance, but the sight of it brought back memories of the people I had killed, and it was almost too much for me to handle.

The nausea built up, but before I had a chance to do anything else, I could feel my consciousness returning. The fog disappeared, as did the landscape, and the wall of the hut started to appear back into my vision. Miroku was still holding me; he had slid down the wall, supporting my back, and I collapsed against him.

"Sango?"

To be honest, I never thought I would have been able to hear my name come off his lips again. From the moment Kaede had given me the mixture for the first fight, I assumed that I would never see him again. I didn't want to tell him how much I cared about him, or how grateful I felt when he remained with me because I didn't want to leave him in pain. But now… now I knew. I had another chance, and Miroku had helped give it to me.

I rested against him, closing my eyes. I felt so tired that I could have fallen asleep in his arms, surrounded by his warmth and reassurance that I really had made it, that I wouldn't have to face Tsuyuki ever again or try to regain control over my own body. My words were barely audible, and I could feel a warm, sticky substance on my skin. It was the slash Tsuyuki had cut in my leg, still bleeding. Right now, though, I didn't care.

I just wanted to be with Miroku. At this particular moment in time, nothing else mattered except for me and him, and we were together. That was all.

"I… I made it."

* * *

_**To be continued in the Epilogue… **_

**_Finished typing - shortly after May 21st, 2005_**

**_Posted - August 20th, 2005_**

_I have really enjoyed typing the storyline for this. The main thing I kept myself focused on during the conflict was not the background or Tsuyuki. Although Tsuyuki is the main reason for the angst in this story and the reason for the plotline, the emotions were what I really planned on getting across the page, and it is my hope that the final chapters were expressive enough to do so. _


	18. A Taijiya's Heart

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

_Please note: this is Version 2. This is simply a rewrite. Read the following to understand why I did this._

_Author's Note: A little less than a year ago, I finished this story. The posted date says August 25th, 2005 (now you all know why I keep track of dates!). However, as I went back approximately half a year after I posted the last chapter, I realized something. I had promised a sequel._

_No, I have not changed my mind. I liked the way I chose to end it last time, but now that it's been months since I took off the first three chapters of a sequel I never really had inspiration for, the ending line is awkward. Incredibly awkward, and it needed to be changed. So, this is it. You'll notice that most of it seems to be the same at first, but there is a huge chunk I deleted, and I added some new content in to make it read a bit smoother. I did not export it because then you wouldn't be aware I had ever rewritten part of it and I also didn't want to completely replace the original version just in case, so instead I am adding this as an "alternate ending" chapter. Please be honest and tell me which ending you prefer. I may have a slight bit of repetition, but after spending 2 hours dealing with tenses on some of my other stories, my brain is a bit tired. So kindly let me know if there are any tense problems (although there shouldn't be). If enough people seem to like Version 2 better, then I will just replace the previous content in Chapter 18 with this and delete this as Chapter 19. (You may want to re-read a few chapters to remember what happened!)_

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_Epilogue_

It is later at night. Inuyasha and Kagome are in another room. Shippou is sleeping with Kirara.

Sango is lying beside me, her head in my lap. A blanket goes up just past her waist, and her black hair flows up over my lap, her breathing deep and even. Every once in a while, a whimper escapes her mouth. It is not one of pain, but fear. I reach out and stroke her hair to calm her. It works, and she settles back down, a faint smile on her lips.

However, I know the inner turmoil is not quite over yet. Sango may be strong, but dealing with something like this is enough to emotionally destroy any human. Killing innocent people may be a malicious thing to do, but taking the lives of innocent children is even worse.

While she is sleeping, I have wiped away the blood and bandaged the numerous injuries on her body. I hope that the cut on her leg is not infected. I have cleaned up other various other wounds on her body, but there is one that may take much longer to heal.

Her heart.

Tsuyuki took control of her mind and body. In the beginning, it was only her body, but as time passed, it began to influence her mind, even her own thoughts and emotions. Her actions became affected by her emotions, and that was when things started to become extremely dangerous. We figured out how to destroy the demon shortly after her mind began to be influenced by Tsuyuki, but we could not destroy it until we had completed a specific task. During that time, Sango was injured and unable to walk for a short while, and Tsuyuki took advantage of her pain to try and kill me. It did not work… however, Sango was worn out by that time, and we required a few days of rest before we could continue back to Kaede's.

Sango is the strongest person I know. She has cheated death and is able to fight off any number of demons without fear. But _this_ demon, it was different. It entered her mind by her dreams and took almost complete control before we were able to arrive back at Kaede's in time to fight it. In fact, I didn't have the chance to fight. Sango had to do an internal mind battle, in a place known as the Dream Realm.

Even while she fought inside her own mind, Tsuyuki once again tried to use her to kill me. I kissed her, in the hopes that she would know how much I cared about her and that it might aid her in the fight. I was right, but the last fight momentarily took all the physical strength out of her. As soon as she 'woke', she collapsed in my arms.

"_I… I made it._"

Sango claimed victory, but I know she feels otherwise.

Three lives were taken.

Even Mushin-sama's. Why?

It used her to kill him, and it succeeded. Its intention was to make me hate Sango, but I could never hate her. At first, I could not accept his death, and at one brief point, I was angry with her even though I knew she hadn't meant for any of it to happen. Everything over the past few days had built up, placing too much pressure on the both of us, and arguing only served to deepen the rift between us.

"_It couldn't have been prevented, Sango! So just shut up about it!" _

Despite trying to control my temper, I was unable to prevent from lashing out at her, even while knowing it wasn't her fault. The constant battle and emotional support to keep Tsuyuki from forcing Sango to kill more innocent people made us tense, exhausted, and set the burdened stake of more lives at risk if we could not find a way to stop it.

I tried desperately to keep my partner from succumbing emotionally to Tsuyuki's control by offering comfort and encouragement whenever I could, but it wasn't always enough. I constantly told her it would be alright even when we both knew it wouldn't be, just to be able to offer her some sort of reassurance, but it didn't always work. At some points, during an argument, her temper would get out of control and she would yell at me.

The old Sango had trusted my words. But by the time we had figured out a way that we could fight it, Tsuyuki had destroyed her complete confidence as a person and a warrior. The fiery attitude had faded away to be replaced with intimidation, and her determination was crushed because to her it seemed that this was one enemy was the first demon she could not fight on her own, and by the end, barely fight at all due to her condition.

"_Everything is not okay! I know that, Miroku! I know that better than anyone_!"

Yes, she did know, especially now… and it pains me to see how much suffering she has had to deal with, that this demon was one she might have not been able to defeat, not only at the cost of her life but at the risk of others.

* * *

Even after successfully defeating Tsuyuki, she has changed. She is no longer the person she used to be before Tsuyuki took control of her body, and to some extent, control of her mind as well. I'm not sure if she can ever completely heal and become herself again. 

She suddenly bolts up, her eyes widening in fear, then looking relieved as she realizes it is but a nightmare. Cold sweat is on her brow, and I gently wipe it away with a warm, damp washcloth. Before I can take my hand away and motion for her to settle back down, she grabs my hand and moves closer into, burying her head in my shoulder. She is not crying, but her entire body is shaking as she holds onto me.

"Sango?" I whisper, almost hesitant to ask. Although I am concerned about her, the worry that fills my expression will only remind her.

Her voice is so low I can barely hear it.

"I… I'm so sorry."

I say the only thing I can to calm her. "Don't be."

"I can't help but feel guilty. This - none of it was supposed to happen." Her voice, already low, goes even quieter as she practically clings to me. "Why wasn't I strong enough?"

I don't say anything this time, and she falls back into silence, still holding onto my robes as if I am her lifeline. I am the only one who can help her through this, who has seen Tsuyuki force her to spill blood, but I doubt my words will be of any comfort. Holding her like this is the only thing I can do, and I will gladly do it if I can see her smile again.

Just one more time.

She is afraid. She has not moved away from me ever since Kaede sent her into the Dream Realm. She believes she is alone, and I try to convince her that I will always be there for her. Unfortunately, it is not always enough, and it took Tsuyuki's malevolent plans to make me realize that.

It is not her fault. She knows that, however many times she outwardly denies the truth, and I know that. It was Tsuyuki's doing, all of it. But it will not excuse the fact that innocent lives have been taken.

So after she falls asleep again in my arms, I make a promise to her.

I will help her to heal as much as I can, no matter how long it takes or how defeated she feels. I will always be there for her, and in time, forgive her for the "accidental" death of Mushin.

Because she is my friend, my companion, my partner, and if all goes well in the future, my wife.

My Sango.

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Version 1, posted: August 25th, 2005 (is no longer available) **

**Version 2, rewritten: June 9th, 2006**


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